


Get You The Moon

by brtozaki



Series: de lune [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Highschool AU, Mentions of past abuse, Sana is a detective, baby hyejoo, family au, samo is mina's parents, sana still has no clue what she's doing, uh oh mina is in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 72,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brtozaki/pseuds/brtozaki
Summary: Being a teenager is hard enough. Mina just wants peace, she doesn’t want to deal with these icky things called feelings.Or Hirai Mina learns acceptance[sequel to talking to the moon]
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Myoui Mina, Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Kim Dahyun/Son Chaeyoung
Series: de lune [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894732
Comments: 157
Kudos: 1009





	1. Chapter 1

Parties really weren’t Mina’s thing. She sipped on the disgusting drink San had handed her when she walked into the kitchen five minutes ago, he knew she wasn’t a big drinker so he gave her something fruity. In a way she was thankful for that, but there was definitely something very strong in here because her head was already starting to feel a bit fuzzy and she was only three quarters finished with the drink. 

It was the Kim girl’s annual end of the summer blow out, and Chaeyoung and Lisa would never let her hear the end of it if she didn’t show up. Really Mina would rather be working a shift at the cinema downtown, or building that new gudam she bought a few days ago and hadn’t had any time to sit down and build. The loud music was starting to give her a headache and she just wanted to disappear. 

“Mina!” An arm wrapped around her shoulder, and based by how far she was dragged down it could only be Yeri. And yes, she was correct. God, she absolutely reeked of weed, and judging by the loopy grin on Yeri’s face she must’ve had a few hits of whatever joint was being passed around. Usually Yeri, Sooyoung, and Lucas would just excuse themselves when they wanted to go off and do that kind of stuff- they knew Mina had no interest in that type of lifestyle and respected her decisions. “Where were you?”

“I was just inside looking at the-“

“C’mon were playing truth or dare!” If Mina wanted to refuse, she didn’t have a chance because Yeri was already pulling her across the house out onto the patio where a circle was already starting to form. 

Lucas and Sooyoung were already there, joking around like they usually were. Lucas was quite the heartbreaker, most girls (and let’s be honest boys as well) in their school had a crush on him. Mina figures they had a point, he was quite handsome, but the fact that she knew he still slept with a teddy bear he named Teddy from when he first started living with his dads, to this day was enough to turn her away from the boy. Sooyoung surprisingly was not as bad as either Lucas or Yeri, yeah she was still fucking insane but she was sweet when you got to know her. She definitely was the more protective one, while still having a bright and bubbly personality that made her a delight to be around. Yeri- Mina isn’t sure how Yeri turned out the way she did. Joohyun ran their house like a navy boot camp yet Yeri was still the spawn of satan. Some things would never change. 

A drink was thrust into Mina’s hands, the fruity one being tossed out somewhere. That sucked, she took a sip of it cautiously nearly gagging on the strong liquid. A giggle caught Mina’s ears from across the circle, looking up and locking eyes with Tzuyu. Tzuyu offered her a smile, which Mina quickly returned. 

Maybe it was the beer goggles, but Tzuyu looked absolutely stunning right now. Her hair was down and recently dyed a light brown, her summer tan and slight sunburn on her shoulders just caught the light in the perfect way. Tzuyu was always the center of any crowd she was in, boys and girls climbing over themselves to get just a sliver of her attention. Mina didn’t blame them though, Tzuyu was just- perfect. 

The game started, the rules were simple; You could ask anyone truth or dare, and they could pick, if they didn't want to go through with it they could take a drink and it wouldn’t be pushed. Now these games could be dangerous, Mina had lost count of the amount of couples it had broken up or foldable tables have been broken because someone dared to jump through it. Still it was a bit nicer out here than inside, the music wasn’t as loud, just the bass leaking out and vibrating the deck, simple lights were strung up that glowed different colors, and some people were splashing around the pool. Lisa started first, turning to Wonho with a grin, “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Jump in the pool.” A chorus of boos followed this, but Wonho was quick to take off his shirt and take his phone out of his pocket before running and jumping into the pool. Oh- Lisa you sly fox. Well, Wonho definitely did workout a lot. The crowd seemed to realize this as he jogged back up to the circle, calling the next person happily. 

It continued on like this, until it was Yeri’s turn. She tapped on her chin, dramatically looking around before pointing at Tzuyu. Well, it was nice knowing you Tzuyu.

“Who’s your crush?” The corners of Yeri’s lips curled up like a cheshire cat, causing cheers from the crowd. Huh? Yeri knew just as well as Mina did that Tzuyu didn’t have a crush, she was just focused on school right now. Still, everyone went quiet as they studied Tzuyu’s expression.

Tzuyu pauses, a bright red blush spreading across her cheeks. Oh? That wasn’t something Mina was aware of. Tzuyu hid a smile as she took a sip of her drink, much to the disappointment of everyone in the circle. All of which groaned and yelled over each other. The game moved onto the next person, and Tzuyu was quickly forgotten. 

Still Mina didn’t miss the way Tzuyu glanced over somewhere else, trying to hide a blush behind her cup as she sipped on it again. She followed her gaze to- Elkie? They did go to mandarin camp together over the summer, but Mina didn’t even know they talked. Elkie was a nice girl, she was on the soccer team with Mina and never caused too many problems. Based on the way Tzuyu was blushing, Mina was probably not going to have to look too far to figure out who Tzuyu’s crush was. 

_( Mina wasn’t sure why she felt so disappointed. )_

━━━

Okay, maybe going to a party the night before the first day of school was a terrible idea. 

How the hell she didn’t get caught was beyond her. Taehyung dropped her off outside her house at nearly two am, leaving the now significantly drunk Mina to scale the tree outside her window and let herself back in. She did not do so very quietly, the grand finale being the loud bang of her knocking over the keyboard next to the window. Still no one noticed, and she fell asleep only to be awoken by Momo’s pounding on the door just a few hours later.

“Mina! Get up, you need to start getting ready!” 

She learned her lesson a long time ago of trying to get extra sleep, Momo would run in there yelling about some fictional situation making Mina panic and get up as well. It wasn’t a great start to her day, and with her pounding headache right now she’d rather not deal with that. With a groan she got up off her floor, oh shit, did she really spend the entire night there? Fuck it. She grabbed her school uniform off where Sana had hung it a few days ago. They had to buy a new one as Mina grew out of her old one, and Momo was sure she was going to get in trouble if her skirt got any shorter. 

Slipping back into her usual routine was easy, she took the bottle of fish food off its shelf and sprinkled some food into the tank. The tank was ten years old, and while Mina could probably replace it for something nicer, it was still her pride and joy. Growing up her allowance would always go right back into the tank, buying rocks or new little statues to place in there. She spent hours researching the fish, what their temperaments were, what they liked, what fish they got along with. Over time she built the perfect tank, that she prided herself on upkeeping. 

She grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder, after taking a peak at her appearance and ran a brush in a last minute attempt to tame her hair. Before rushing down the stairs and into the kitchen, Momo was already in there, leaning up against the countertop sipping on her coffee, stifling a laugh as Mina almost tripped over Boo who ran to greet her. Ray was just as excited, instead sitting and let his tail wag. 

She walked past Momo and grabbed the container of food from inside the pantry, listening with a smile as Boo and Ray happily jumped around her feet, going between sitting and standing as they waited patiently for the food bowl to be filled. She pouted in the correct amount and stepped back, watching the two of the devour the bowl before taking Grumpy’s feed down and filling his as well. He was a bit more elusive, only happily rubbing against her leg as she pouted food in. 

“Are you excited for junior year?” Momo asked as Mina put the food back. She pulled her blue fluffy house robe further over her, pointing to the bagels on the center of the kitchen table before grabbing the cream cheese from behind her and handing it to her. 

“Eh,” Mina hummed, grabbing the container and sitting down at the table. God her headache, sure she drank a few times before, but the consequences were never like this. This was something different. Oh god, was she going to throw up? Stuff that down Mina. 

“Can I get a bite?” Momo asked, opening up, making Mina just raised the bagel behind her so Momo could take a bite the older woman humming in satisfaction. 

_“Minari do you think I can get a bite?”_ Sana asked as she came into the kitchen, grabbing her coffee off the counter top. 

“I put cream cheese on it already,” Mina frowned, Sana’s lactose intolerance wasn’t something she really wanted to upset the delicate balance of so early in the morning. Sana nodded in understanding, taking a sip of her coffee before looking at her phone. 

“I have practice tonight,” Mina reminded. 

“That’s okay,” Momo hummed, in the middle of feeding pouring herself a bowl of cereal. 

God her head absolutely ached, and no doubt Yeri was going to be much worse than her. From what she saw in the group chat it took both Sooyoung and Lucas to drag her home, and the nearly were caught by Joohyun twice, which if they ended up doing so Mina would be attending Yeri’s funeral in a few days. 

“Do you need a ride? I’m going to the station early.” Sana hummed, setting her coffee down.

“No, I’m good,” Mina finished her bagel and put her bag on, “Lucas is picking me up.” 

“Okay, and is Tzuyu still coming over tonight?”

“As far as I know.” Mina shrugged, “It is friday after all.”

“I know-” Sana shrugged, trailing off when she heard repeated beeping coming from the street. They both glance out the window to see Lucas fighting off Sooyoung, and a very hungover Yeri covering her ears leaning against the window of Lucas’s 1994 Chevy that his parents bought him for his sixteenth birthday, Tzuyu was already running out of her house across the street stuffing herself into the car. 

“Gotta go,” Mina waved a quick goodbye. 

She ran out to the car, pulling open the door and pushed Yeri to the middle seat earning a groan from the latter. Damn, she definitely did not look good. Serves her right, Yeri insisted on going to every party possible even if it killed her. It made no sense to Mina though, Yeri was well liked and mostly everyone in their school knew her, so why did she always feel this need to be in the center of a crowd? 

“How are you doing Champ?” Lucas asked, looking back at her through the rearview mirror. Mina just flipped him off, causing him to gasp, “I don’t think I’ve seen you that drunk before.”

“It was Truth or Dare,” Mina groaned.

“You could have just answered the questions,” Sooyoung pointed out. Okay, maybe she did have a point- but Mina simply just didn’t want to talk about her first time, or her crush. That was her business, and it was Yeri’s fault that she got as drunk as she did. 

Yeri groaned and threw her sweatshirt over her eyes. Okay maybe she was forgiven, she was already being punished. Tzuyu openly laughed at that, passing Mina a blue gatorade, her favorite, and a small ziploc bag of jellies she found disgusting but Tzuyu loved. Maybe she would just save them and give them to Momo when she got home, she seemed to like them last time. Tzuyu smiled, “Hey it’s not Mina’s fault she’s a lightweight.”

“I am not!”

“Mina, you got tipsy off a Mike’s. I’m pretty sure you are.” Tzuyu smiled, reaching into her bag and pulled out a piece of paper reaching out to show it to Mina. She took it and looked over the schedule, damn, Tzuyu was taking some hard classes this year. Why would she do that to herself? Sana had always told Mina just do enough to pass, and while Momo didn’t like that too much it worked wonders for getting Mina through highschool. Her eyes lingered on a phone number that was etched into the left corner, it was not Tzuyu’s number nor handwriting. 

“We only have gym together.” Mina hummed, folding it up and held it out for Tzuyu to grab it back, chuckling when she saw the pout on Tzuyu’s lips. 

“This year is going to suck.”

“Not for me!” Sooyoung hummed, “I finally made the Soccer team.” 

Sooyoung had been trying out since freshman year. They were now doing into their Junior year- Oh god. This was bad. 

“It’s only because your stepmom is the coach.” Yeri spoke up from under her sweatshirt.

Sooyoung gasped in mock outrage, turning around and stuck her tongue out at Yeri. “That’s not it!”

“Is Jihyo coaching again?” Mina looked over at Sooyoung. Last season was a mess, their coach was caught stealing money from their fund and was obviously cut for reasons regarding that leading to Jihyo, Sooyoung’s step mom, stepping up and coaching the girl’s soccer team. Honestly Mina enjoyed it a lot, Jihyo’s coaching style was different than most others while it was probably because she had no idea what she was doing, it was refreshing. 

“Yeah, she is,” Sooyoung hummed, “And she said she saw talent in me, so the rest of you are going to have to shut it. So are you going to quit dance then? I don’t know how you’re going to manage soccer, dance, and school.”

“She does have a point,” Lucas hummed, “You did start to burn out last year.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I like dance.”

“But you like soccer more?”

“Mhm.” Mina shrugged, “I’ll make it work.”

“Okay-” Sooyoung was definitely not convinced by that, and not that Mina blamed her. It was going to be a lot. 

“Can all of you shut up,” Yeri groaned, holding her head, “God, I’m never drinking again. That’s it, I swear, you all are my witnesses.”

“You said that last time.” Sooyoung deadpanned.

“Well yeah-”

“Give her a week,” Tzuyu chimed it, “She’ll be right back to it.”

“Lucas pull over I’m going to puke.”

“Not in the car!”

━━━

Mina dropped her bag next to the door with a loud groan, throwing her cleats onto the shoe rack. She definitely was going to regret that tomorrow when she needed to grab them, but honestly she just didn't care. Practice was a disaster, Mina had no idea how they were going to be able to turn things around and make the state finals this year, but that was a worry for another time. A loud crash in the kitchen alerted her to the fact someone was home, she chucked.

“Tzu?” She called, making her way through the living room, a gentle smiling falling on her lips when she saw Tzuyu in the kitchen, surrounded by pots and pans. Tzuyu just looked up at her and waved, causing Mina to chuckle, “What are you making?”

“That shrimp pasta you like,” Tzuyu hummed, “I cooked the shrimp separately though so you can have yours without it.”

“Thank you.” Mina sat at the island, watching Tzuyu cook. She couldn’t even remember the last time she ate a piece of shrimp, she just didn’t like it. Tzuyu never asked why, Mina appreciated that. “Do you need help?”

“No!” Tzuyu looked up at her, eyes wide. Was that a bit of a dramatic reaction, maybe not. Last time Mina did try to cook the entire pan caught on fire. She really tried, but something just always seemed to go wrong. When she was younger Momo used to try and teach her, but nowadays she just let her be. If Mina was going to live off takeout, she was going to live off takeout. “Just sit there, it's almost ready anyways.”

“You didn’t have to do this, I was just gonna make a sandwich and wait for you to come over.” 

“It’s okay, you usually get hungry after practice,” That was true- and it wasn’t uncommon to see Tzuyu in their house even when no one was home. Mina was guilty of it as well, slipping over to Tzuyu’s to steal some of the snacks Dahyun made or just to play on their console. “How did it go anyways?”

“Awful.”

“Sooyoung’s that bad?”

“It’s not just her, I don’t know why Jihyo picked half the people she did.” Mina pouted, perking up when Tzuyu placed a bowl of pasta right in front of her. 

“She does have a good eye for talent.”

“We need to make it to the semifinals,” Mina took a bite, her next words a bit muffled, “College scouts will be there if we can just get to semifinals.”

“I don’t get why you’re so fixated on getting a soccer scholarship,” Tzuyu hummed, taking her seat next to Mina, her own bowl in hand. “I think you can get an academic scholarship.”

“No I can’t, remember I’m math imparied.”

“That is definitely not what it’s called.”

“I just don’t want my moms to worry about having to help me pay for anything. I just want to go to college and get a good job, no problemo.” Mina took another bite, before pointing at Tzuyu with her spoon, “You’re just not worried because you’re practically guaranteed a full ride to anywhere you want, you tall genius.”

“What does me being tall have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I just don’t like to stand next to you, Lucas, and Sooyoung.”

“Imagine how Yeri feels.” Tzuyu had a point with that. “I don’t think she’s grown in the ten years we’ve known her.”

“Has it been that long?”

“Mhm.” Tzuyu went quiet for a minute, “Isn’t your Mom getting out of jail soon?” Tzuyu mused. Was she? Damn, Mina hadn’t even noticed. Not that it mattered either way, she wasn’t allowed to see her. Sana had made it very clear she didn’t want them in contact with each other until Mina was eighteen, and really Mina had no intention of trying to rehash that- could she even call it a relationship? She sent her mother a few letters throughout the years, but she never got a response. Even if maybe a part of her just wanted to meet her and try to get some answers- No. She was okay.

“Oh.” Was what Mina settled on, taking another bite of her food. “I didn’t realize. Are you joining Chess club again this year?”

Tzuyu looked at her for a second, catching Mina’s eye with something she wasn’t quite sure of. Was it judgement, concern? She didn’t get to dwell on it too much before Tzuyu shook her head, “No, I think I’m going to join Mandarin club.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Yes, Mina, they've had a booth at the club fair and we look at it every year.”

“Right,” Mina nodded, she didn’t remember at all, “I take you had a good time at Manadrin camp”

“It was so much fun. I wish you could’ve come.”

“I don’t speak Mandarin.”

“It’s never too late to learn-” Tzuyu shrugged, “But you can barely speak your languages now so- Plus it’s my secret _mommy language._ ”

Of course she was going to fucking bring that up. In Mina’s defense, she was five when she came up with that concept and the logic was there. She talked with her mother in a certain language no one else understood, so did Tzuyu. When she started living with Sana and Momo they also spoke her language. As they got older though, Tzuyu thought it was the funniest thing ever, never failing to make Mina blush and whine. “I was five!”

“I know,” Tzuyu giggled, “It was cute.”

Tzuyu’s laugh was soft and airy, reminding Mina of cool summer nights camping. She’d sit in the grass and try to catch fireflies under clear night skies lined and dotted with stars, completely content. It was familiar, it was safe. Mina wasn’t sure why her heart beat just a little bit faster when she heard it, a smile hooking her lips as she hid her expression by taking another bite. 

She tried to ignore it when the front door opened and Momo’s expensive heels. Tzuyu was all that mattered, her laughing playing over and over in her head like a broken record. Wordlessly Mina just stood up and put her plate in the sink, turning to Tzuyu, “Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

(The feeling didn’t go away. And that’s what scared her the most.)


	2. Chapter 2

“We’ve arrived!” The front door slammed open, and a lot of commotion filled the hall. Great. Mina and Sana were sitting on the couch watching a movie together as Momo cooked some food. Normally Mina would attempt to help, but after her last four kitchen disasters and Momo’s muttered, “ _You’re just as bad as your mother.”_ Four pairs of feet filtered in, stopping in the entrance to the living room. 

“Go away.” Sana groaned, not taking her eyes off the TV. 

“I brought wine.”

“Welcome.” Sana looked up at Nayeon who just rolled her eyes, and handed the bottle to Momo who held it up looking excited before breaking off to put it in the kitchen. The twins ran in, a tired looking Jeongyeon following holding a bag full of toys. 

“You’re so mean to me Sana,” Nayeon stuck her tongue out at her, before setting her sights on Mina, wrapping the girl up in a tight hug like she always did when their family came over for Saturday nights family dinners. It became a tradition after Sana transferred out of homicide into domestic violence nearly ten years ago, Sana would say it started because Nayeon was worried she wouldn’t be able to annoy her anymore, Nayeon was worried that her and Sana would grow apart because they couldn’t see each other. It didn’t matter who was right, because the dinners became a staple and were probably not going anywhere for a very long time. 

Nayeon’s hugs were always something special, wrapping Mina in a certain warmth and security she couldn’t find anywhere else. She squeezed tightly, rocking the both of them back and before she let her go. “There’s my Minari!”

“Hey Auntie.”

“You made the soccer team right? Again?” Nayeon smiled. The detective knew absolutely nothing about soccer, and Mina knew that very well, but Nayeon always attempted to at least pretend to be interested. It was nice. 

Mina rubbed herback of her neck, smiling a bit bashfully, “Yeah. I was made captain this year.”

“Captain?!” Nayeon’s eyes widened, as she pulled Mina in for another hug, squeezing tightly throwing her back and forth like a rag doll, “That’s my baby! Jeong did you hear that she’s captain!”

“I heard,” Jeongyeon sighed, taking her seat next to Sana, “I think the entire neighborhood heard.”

“Don’t listen to grumpy pants over there.” Nayeon rolled her eyes at her wife, “She’s just tired because she had to get slime out of our carpet. How the monsters even got slime I don’t know. Don’t mind that though, I want a schedule to your games. I’m going to them all.”

Oh no. She came last season as well, and screamed her head off every time Mina even came close to the ball. She even brought a sign of Mina’s face to their final game of the season, it was humiliating. She knew Nayeon was just trying her best to be supportive but still- it always threw Mina off balance. Especially when she was trying to focus and she heard, “MINA KICK THEIR ASSES!” coming from the bleachers. 

Still, Nayeon had been a pillar for her growing up. Mina had her own room in their house, well technically it was a spare bedroom, but it was decorated for Mina and everyone called it Mina’s room. Nayeon watched her a lot, especially when Sana got her promotion around the same time as Momo did. She’d pick her up from therapy and bring her home, and the two of them would try to cook dinner before Jeongyeon would come home and help. Sometimes if Sana had to stay at a scene or Momo just had a lot of work she’d sleep over and the twins would sleepover when it was that way for the other couple. It just worked. 

“I’m going to go help your mother,” Nayeon leaned in to kiss Mina on the forehead, “I’m so proud of you.” And with that she walked off, leaving Mina to walk off and try to find something to do. 

Sana patted the spot on the couch next to her, which Mina quickly plopped down onto. “You feeling okay?”

“I’m just tired.”

“Oh- do you want some juice then?” 

“...I’m good, thanks.”

“Mina!” Yeji called, running over, Hyunjin hot on her tail, “Guess what!”

“What?” Mina asked, leaning over to give her full attention to the twins. Both of them were now ten years old, and in that stage where they were absolute terrors. Hyunjin was just straight up weird, always doing something Mina had to side eye, Yeji wasn’t much better. But Mina still adored them, they were her little people. 

Yeji pulled a folded up piece of paper, placing it against the cushion of the couch. It was a drawing, and it was- okay? It was just a horse in a field but the dimensions of it were just off giving the whole piece an unsettling vibe. She tried, that's what mattered. Right? She smiled, taking it out of her hands, “Wow.”

“Mommy said I can start taking art lessons! So you and I can draw together the next time you come over and watch us!” Yeji cheered.

“Okay, I’ll bring my kit over next time. How does that sound?”

“Good!” Hyunjin cut in, pushing Yeji out of the way holding up a toy car, “Look!” 

Mina took it out of his hands and inspected it. It was just a simple red racecar and he looked so happy about it she found herself mirroring his mood. “This is really cool Hyunjin!” She handed it back to him and it almost looked like he would implode from excitement. 

“I got it because I did all my chores! Remember when you helped me do my laundry?”

“Mhm.”

“So,” His voice lowered into a whisper, leaning in, “I took these to give to you.” He handed her a packet of skittles and then walked away, leaving Mina to muffle a laugh while opening the packet, before placing some into Sana’s outstretched palm. In perfect sync they both took the skittles in their palms and placed all of them into their mouths in one fluid motion. Her phone buzzed. 

**Lucas**

Hirai let’s go, i’m wasting gas

[5:23PM]

**Tzuyu**

Hey we’re outside. I grabbed you some of my mom’s dinner :)

[5:23PM]

Mina chuckled putting her phone away and stood up, “I'm leaving, I gotta go help Sooyoung learn how to kick a ball without wiping out.”

Sana laughed, “Alright, just text me when you get there. Oh, do you have your soccer game schedule yet? I’m going to try and take a few days off so I can go.”

“I’ll ask on Monday.”

“Sounds good, Have fun.” 

Mina nodded and pounded her fist against the one that Sana stretched out. That was something they had done for years, and quite honestly Mina had no idea why. But they both liked it so no one questioned it, it was just their thing. She said a quick goodbye to the twins, ruffling their hair before making her way to the door.

“Mina!”

“Hm?” She turned around to see Momo making her way from the kitchen, taking off her oven mitts and bottle of gatorade in hand. She handed it to the younger, oh right. She needed that.

“Be careful, and text me when you get there.”

“Will do.”

Momo smiled, rubbing her shoulder soothingly, “Alright, you can go now. Just be home by ten.”

“Eleven?”

“Ten.”

“Okay fine, love you!” Mina yelled, running out of the house, not forgetting to grab the soccer bag she placed next to the door the night before. 

….

  
  


“Okay you need to look ahead,” Mina instructed, pointing her hand at the goal, “Then you run up and kick. You’re gonna want to try and kind of use your feet like a golf club. Get under and kick up, watch.” 

Mina looked up, took a deep breath, and then kicked, watching with a satisfied smile as the ball flew right into the center of the goal, earning cheers from Lucas, Yeri, and Tzuyu who were sat on the bench just off the field. Lucas was scrolling through his phone, and so was yeri, but Tzuyu was watching intensely. It made Mina gulp.

“Your turn.”

Sooyoung took a deep breath and went to repeat the motions, kicking the ball with way too much power leading it to fly off to the left. Mina sighed before she ran off to grab it. They have been at it for a good half an hour now, and they weren’t really making a lot of progress. There was a reason Sooyoung never made the team. Sooyoung whined as she came back, “Mina, I’m never going to get it. 

“You will if you just shut up and do the steps I told you. You kicked it too hard.”

“But if I don’t kick it hard, it won’t go.”

“No-”

“Yeri did you really photoshop a soda can over your drink?” Lucas all of a sudden laughed out, sending Sooyoung running off the field and to the bench trying to get a look at his screen before bursting out into laughter as well. He turned the screen so Tzuyu could see, making her laugh before ushering Mina over and showing her. Oh Yeri- It was a photo of the five of them at the party from a few days ago, laughing and posing at the camera. Why Yeri would post pictures from the party on was beyond her, but the horrible photoshop job of a fanta orange soda over the red solo cup she was holding up was beyond her. She could have just kept it in her camera roll?

“My mom made an instagram.” Yeri groaned.

“Joohyun?” Sooyoung laughed.

“No, my other one.” Yeri took out her phone and opened instagram, showing the screen. It indeed was Wendy, with a few pictures of her at vacations, a picture of her and baby Yeri with the caption: tbt to our first day! Momo had an instagram where she constantly uploaded selfies and pictures of the dogs and Mina (even if Mina had whined about that part), and it was fine. But Mina was never as bold as Yeri online.

“Why don’t you just put yourself on private like Mina?”

“Because then people won’t follow me. Plus Mina hasn’t checked her follower requests in at least two months.” Yeri shot back. Wait how did she get dragged into all of this? 

“Um wait-”

“Can it Hirai, you have twelve follower requests that you never checked.” Yeri didn’t even glance at her. Did she? She pulled out her phone as Sooyoung and Yeri continued to argue, swiping open and tapped on follower requests; _todayis_wendy, fooliest, mizuko.fujita, beominluv, slvia165, tzuduwu, lmonmiuxl, shinyjngn, wrdnasffiyh, hxlychae, and 14 others requested to follow you._ Okay, maybe Yeri was right. She clicked accept on all of them and tucked her phone back into her pocket. 

“You guys don’t have strict parents, you don’t understand.” Yeri whined, “Like my Mom checked the rating of the movie I told her we are seeing tomorrow.”

Tzuyu cackled at that, “What time are we meeting up anyway? I texted that to the group chat but you guys just sent Spongebob memes back.”

Oh shit. Tomorrow they were supposed to go to the movies, fuck Mina forgot. Yeri was so excited to see this new romcom that came out, honestly Mina was just going to go for the popcorn but they had been planning this for a while now. As much as she loved her friends, the thought of having to get up and leave her bed on a saturday made her want to cry. She was like that lately, it was hard to get up, hard to go throughout the day, she didn’t want to do anything. She felt kinda bad. “Uh- about that, I’m gonna have to cancel.”

“What? Mina, we already bought the tickets!” Sooyoung whined, pushing the girl on the shoulder. 

“I can just pay you back.” 

“It’s fine.” Sooyoung drew out rolling her eyes playfully, “We’ll find someone to just use it. Maybe one of Lucas’s fourty lovers.”

“Excuse me! I am a man of passion, of commitment-”

“Didn’t you hook up with-” Lucas was quick to cover Yeri’s mouth. 

“You finish that and you’re walking to school for the rest of the year.”

“Just kidding.”

Mina laughed, rolling her eyes. Those two were always getting into trouble. You’d think it would be Yeri and Sooyoung, but no, Sooyoung has a brain. Yeri, doesn’t. The girl was smart, she just made incredibly dumb decisions to the point Joohyun has flat out offered to switch kids with Sana. How that woman had any hair left was a mystery to her, if Mina were her she would have ripped all of her’s clean out a long time ago. And while Lucas was for the most part a pretty good kid, he let himself get wrapped up in her schemes and into trouble as well. 

A part of Mina envied them for that, for being free. A larger part thought they were stupid. 

She picked the ball up from off the field, tossing it around in her hands as Yeri and Lucas looked about to fight, and Tzuyu would film the whole thing, “Let’s get back to work.”

Sooyoung followed her back onto the field, but this time Yeri, Lucas, and Tzuyu stood up and followed them. Yeri went and slammed the ball out of Mina’s hands, letting it drop to the ground before she kicked it away from her. Soon enough a full out brawl was happening, the five of them kicking the ball and trying to score goals, screaming and laughing. 

  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

The only thing Mina could think of as she hiked home from her shift was that she needed to take a shower. Her job at the cinema a few blocks away was nice, it usually was slow so she could do homework behind the counter, it paid a bit more than minimum wage, and gave her some pocket cash and a savings fund. The only downside is that she always came out smelling like popcorn, overwhelmingly like popcorn. 

She got off her mint green bike, and set it up next to the stairs. She got it a few birthdays ago, and it was definitely starting to show it’s wear, maybe she’d bring it to Lucas soon so he could do some touch ups. He was always into that kind of stuff. 

Quietly she entered the house. Following their failed day out, there’s been a weird tension in the house. Well, it was mostly Mina’s fault because Mina barely talked to anyone instead electing to hang out in her room playing on her PC when she was home or just going out with her friends. She kicked off her shoes near the door, and made her way through the living room, focusing on Lady and the Tramp that was playing on the TV.

Her mother’s were in the kitchen, like they usually were this time of night. Momo was making something for dinner, while Sana just stood next to her for moral support and to occasionally help when Momo gave her a task and to press kisses onto her neck and cheeks when she felt like it. 

“This is the night-“ Sana sang along, gently swaying with Momo as the older woman giggled and just continued stirring the pot, “It’s a beautiful night.”

Mina could only wish she was one day as in love as the two of them were. Admittedly she didn’t remember much about the beginning of their relationship, it was always just Momo and Sana. When she would cry both of them would comfort her, she’d sleep in bed between the two of them, they both came to everything she needed them too. They were a pair, like a puzzle that fit perfectly into each other. 

She smiled, fishing her phone out of her pocket when she felt it buzz as she walked up the stairs. An Instagram DM? If it was Chaeyoun asking her to go to another party she was going to block the girl. The hangover she acquired after their last one was enough to put her off from doing something like that ever again. Still she clicked on to the app, finger hovering over the little one attached to the arrow in the top right corner. 

**YERIM**

[image attached]

_[7:23PM]_

What the fuck. Mina opened the text, to see a picture of them when they were young. It was a happy looking Joohyun hugging a six year old Mina as she opened present after present, back then she thought that Santa dropped off all the presents her never gave her at their house, along with Lucas’s and Tzuyu’s. But looking back, it was all Joohyun and Wendy. The amount of presents she received from her was insane, books, crayons, clothes, plushies, socks, paper. Basically anything Mina’s young mind wanted they bought for her without even asking. Even to this day Joohyun still bought her christmas presents.

She looked younger in this photo, well that was obvious it was ten years ago, but still. Joohyun never seemed to age, but her eyes held this youthfulness in them that just wasn’t there anymore. Time had passed, she was very aware of that when Momo made her pluck out her grey hairs or she would constantly touch up her roots. Sana never cared and said she was going to be a silver fox, which both Mina and Momo would crack up at. It was easy to forget how much time has passed sometimes, it made Mina feel a bit uneasy as well. 

As much as time seemed to pass, she still felt stuck in the past. She was sixteen years old, yet there were moments she still felt like a scared five year old. Sunmi told her those experiences were a part of her, but Mina didn’t want them to be. 

( She wanted it to be as far away from her as she could possibly make it. Even if a little, tiny, miniscule piece of her wanted the truth. )

━━━

**TzuTzu**

_I’m outside grumpy pants. Let’s go._

[2:32AM]

Mina squinted her eyes as she tried to read the message. What? Moving Ray off her side, she stood up and looked outside her window, sure enough Tzuyu was waiting at the bottom of the tree, typing away on her phone. Being awaken by her phone’s ringtone want exactly her favorite thing in the world, but if it was for Tzuyu she’d make an exception. 

**TzuTzu**

_If you’re not out here in five minutes, I’m coming up._

[2:33AM]

Last time Tzuyu did that she ended up pouring water all over Mina...That’s not a risk she was willing to take again. Quickly she threw on a pair of jeans, and threw the window open, not forgetting to take her phone and tuck it into her pocket. After almost slipping and falling out of the tree, she reached the ground, meeting Tzuyu’s expectant smirk. “What’s the matter.”

“Grab your bike, we’re going stargazing.” 

“What?” Tzuyu was insane. It was a Tuesday night, and they had school in less than five hours. Mina required a minimum of eight hours of slumber ever night. 

“You were grumpy all day yesterday and today, I don’t know what’s going on but you’re going to get on the bike and we’re going to go do something.” Tzuyu’s tone was final, even if the corners of her lips were curling up into a smile. Rolling her eyes Mina got her bike from where it was resting next to the house and hopped on it, following Tzuyu down their street. 

This wasn’t their first time doing something like this, but it always took Mina’s breath away. The way Tzuyu would laugh as they pedaled, kicking her legs out and letting herself just glide down the hill. Her hair flowing gently behind her, her rose colored cardigan flapping as well. The way the street lamps would reflect off of them as they raced and laughed the entire bike ride. 

Somewhere deep down Mina knew that this maybe wasn’t entirely normal. That this wasn’t the same way she admired Yeri or Lucas. Maybe Tzuyu was just beautiful, maybe it was more. Either way she pushed it down. 

Tzuyu stopped in front of Seulgi’s restaurant. Oh, was this where Tzuyu wanted to go? That was probably a smart choice, they both knew the fire escape had no CCTV. They climbed up, finally reaching the roof. Tzuyu smiled, making her way to the center before laying down, patting the spot next to her. “Lay.”

Trying to fight Tzuyu was gonna be like trying to bathe a cat. Not very pleasant. So she just laid next to her, looking up at the surprisingly clear sky. To be honest, Mina had no clue anything about astrology, the closest thing she had was Sana showing her constellations on a camping trip they went on that summer. Mina had cried because Sana jokes with her a bear was going to eat them, and then proceeded to get scolded by Momo for making Mina cry, so Sana tried to rectify that situation by stargazing. Unfortunately none of those lessons stuck. 

(Still it was pretty, however having Tzuyu so close to her was making it hard to breathe.)

“What’s up with you.” Tzuyu spoke up after a few minutes of silence, just the sound of crickets in the distance. “You’ve been weird lately.” 

“I’ve just had a lot going on.”

She could hear the gears turning in Tzuyu’s head, “Is it...that stuff? Because I can talk to your moms if your too scared and we can get you seeing your therapist again-“

“No, I don’t know with school, soccer, and dance. It’s a lot.”

“I get it.” Tzuyu hummed.

“Did you guys have fun the other night?” She hadn’t heard much about it, and she knew it was because they didn’t want her to fell left out or like they were rubbing it in her face. They knew, Mina just recluded into herself sometimes.

“Yeah, I brought my friend Elkie along, and we had a really good time.”

“I’m glad.”

  
“I wish you came though. I think you would have liked the movie.”

“I needed a rest day.”

“I get that.”

Then Tzuyu gently brushed her thumb over Mina’s knuckles and her brain malfunctioned. 

**Error 404: Mina not found.**

Suddenly she was aware of everything. How close she and Tzuyu were, how she could hear Tzuyu’s gentle breathing. Oh shit.

“You’re shivering.” Tzuyu’s voice cut through Mina’s mental panic, sitting up, promoting Mina to follow. 

“I didn’t know we were gonna be out here for this long.”

“Here,” Tzuyu shrugged off the rose colored cardigan and held it out, “You her cold easily. I actually think it’s quite nice out.”

She hesitated, “Are you sure?” 

Tzuyu nodded, smiling when Mina dismally took the cardigan, laying back down, tucking her arm under her head to support it. The soccer player paused for a second, letting her fingers play with the soft fabric before slipping it over her shoulder and putting it on. This was one of Tzuyu’s favorites, she saw her wear it constantly with different layering pieces underneath. Laying back down next to Tzuyu, it smelt like peaches. Like that body spray Tzuyu has picked up while they went shopping last school year after having sprayed a bit onto her wrist before making Mina smell it as well with an excited smile. The sleeves covered her hands, a side effect of Tzuyu being taller than Mina. It felt safe. 

She laid back down, resting her head on the arm Tzuyu stretched out, looking up at the stars. Her heart was beating so loud, she wondered if Tzuyu could hear it. Why did she feel so nervous?

“What did the momma tomato say to the baby tomato?” Tzuyu asked, suddenly catching Mina off guard. 

“What?”

“Ketchup!” 

Despite herself, Mina found herself laughing prompting Tzuyu to follow along letting Mina hear that beautiful sound once again. Then Tzuyu pulled her into her side, pointing out certain constellations and gave Mina all the useless trivia she had in her head. 

Mina didn’t get home until nearly five in the morning. She couldn’t sleep, instead she just laid there, wrapped up in Tzuyu’s peach scented cardigan, with a lazy smile on her lips replaying the night over and over in her mind. How her hand tingled when Tzuyu held it, how Tzuyu laughed and smiled, how she made her feel like she was floating. 

Tzuyu was always special in a way Mina couldn’t describe. Sana used to pout whenever she would compare her to Tzuyu but when she was younger, Tzuyu was perfect in her eyes. Never once had she ever betrayed Mina’s trust, even when she should have for her own safely. As they got older she understood what it was like to be in the living situation she was, being a foreigner with gay parents did serve to make them targets as they got older. It was always this unspoken understanding between them.

She briefly wondered what it would be like to kiss her. Hey, knock that off. She wasn’t even sure why that thought popped into her head. Still, she wondered if she would taste like the vanilla lip balm she always used. What it would be like to hold her hand, fall asleep in her arms, and dance to disney songs. What it would be like to wake up to Tzuyu’s beautiful laugh and listen to her horrible jokes. To be surrounded by her peach body spray. 

That should have been Mina’s first red flag. 

But no, she ignored it. Instead she fell asleep to Tzuyu’s scent, wrapped up in her rose colored cardigan. It felt like home. And that scared her. She wasn’t in love, Tzuyu was her best friend. But damn, it sure felt similar. 

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Mina didn’t like her moles. She stared back at herself in the mirror for what seemed like the twentieth time, letting her eyes drift over the small brown spots littering her face. They weren’t horrible she guessed, Sana always would poke them and say it was her personal constellation growing up. For a large portion of her childhood she loved that attention, letting Sana (and Momo) comment on how cute they were, how much they loved them. 

When she reached middle school it was a bit different. She can’t remember exactly who said something at first, but it was just one little comment that turned her love for her moles into distaste. Some boy in her class told her that she had dirt on her face and that she needed to wipe it off, and she tried, only to feel humiliated when she realized they were her moles. She cried that day when she came home, making Sana panic and offer her various fruit cups. She bought her first bottle of concealer that weekend and started applying little dabs to her moles, much to the dislike of her mothers. Sure it didn’t cover them all the way, but it made her feel a bit better. 

Sometimes it was easier to deal with things if you just buried them under a layer of makeup.

Night after night was spent researching natural remedies to try and get rid of them. As she got older she gave up, simply covering them up with makeup before she left the house. So she knew her day was going to be shitty the second she realized she was out of foundation that morning. 

So that meant she had to go to school with a bare face for the first time in years, it was incredibly uncomfortable. By the time she returned home from that, and a dance lesson she was absolutely exhausted. The house was quiet when she walked in once again, and with a quick peek into the kitchen she saw a plate left on the counter signalling they already ate. She wasn’t that hungry, she just wanted to relax. Walking upstairs she could hear the faint sound of a TV playing and quiet chatter from her parents upstairs. 

Ray ran up to her, pawing at her leg gently, his tail wagging as Mina picked him up and they started walking upstairs. He was getting old, nearly fourteen now he was starting to have some problems walking up and down the stairs. Mina had realized it a few months prior, telling Momo and they went to the vet just to hear it was old age. Momo had suggested that it might be time to start preparing for the worst, that they weren’t sure how much longer he had left. Mina had gotten really angry at her for even suggesting that. He was fine. Just her little old man.

Even Boo was starting age now, alongside grumpy. All the pets were starting to gather grey hairs around their faces, but they weren’t as bad as Ray. He needed help jumping onto her bed, up the stairs, onto the couch, even walking him was really tiring for him. 

She rounded the corner to see her parents door cracked open halfway, that was a good sign. The news was playing as she saw a big pile of laundry on the bed with the two of them sat and folding. From the way Sana’s eyebrows were furrowed as she talked, it was clear she was frustrated. About what? Mina wouldn’t know for sure. 

“I don’t know Sana,” Momo folded a green shirt setting it down on the bed a few inches away from her, “I know you think it’s a great idea, but it’s a big deal. I’m not just thinking of you and me, but Mina too.”

“I know. I just wish you would think about it more.” Sana grabbed a hanger and placed a shirt on it. 

“Why?” Momo sighed, “I already said I’m fine so why do you keep trying to pressure me into this.”

“I’m not.” Sana took a towel out of the pile, “I just don’t want you to regret this in the future.”

Huh? What were they walking about? From the way Momo was sighing, it sounded like a conversation they had before. Ray whined, wiggling around in her grip making both women turn towards her, the expression on their faces changing as soon as they saw Mina. 

Momo was always much better at hiding her feelings than Sana was, the detective’s jaw was taught as she noted the younger’s presence, simply electing to pick up another article of clothing and folding. Momo smiled, “Hey honey, how was class?”

“It was fine,” Mina set Ray on the ground as she walked into their room, climbing onto their bed with a small oof. 

Sana stood up as soon as she did so, “I’m grabbing some water, do you guys need anything?”

“No. We’re all set.” Momo hummed, diverting her attention to the pile of clothes. Mina missed the way she rolled her eyes as she did so. Momo turned to her, “Was Hana nice to you? You seemed tired after your last few classes so I called her and told her to take it easy.”

“Yeah, we actually just goofed around most of the time.” Mina shrugged, reaching down to help Ray jump onto the bed. Something was wrong, she could feel it. Momo was doing that smiley thing she did whenever she was sad and she didn’t want Mina to know. “Are you and Mom okay?”

“Yeah we’re fine. I think your mom is a bit sensitive because it’s around that time of year again.” 

Oh, that did make sense. There were two times of the year Sana always struggled with, April and October. Growing up she knew that Sana used to date someone who passed away and she got sad around that time of year, but it got better every year. She’d just go a bit quiet and go away for that day and be fine for the next. And Sana’s mother passed away in October from kidney disease, and she just felt a bit off by it. They didn’t go to her funeral, because Sana said she didn’t care. Anyone with eyes could tell she did. 

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Momo assured, picking up a stack of folded clothes, “Maybe you should try and cheer her up, do you have any pieces you’ve been working on lately?”

Well, Mina did have one. But Mina wasn’t sure where they could put it, her artwork already was framed in multiple places around the house; the living room, the kitchen, even the bathroom. It was extensive. Sana even had a whole storage bin full of pieces in the attic next to the empty baby crib that she would bring down and show family members when they came over. 

“I have a painting, but it’s not finished yet.” Mina hummed.

“You have a painting?” Sana walked back into the room, bottle of water in hand as she flopped onto the bed next to Mina, “That’s good, I’ve been waiting for you to finish something. I found a new hack to hand paintings and I want to try it out.”

“Did you see it on YouTube?”

“Not this time,” Sana shook her head, “Pinterest.”

Oh no. That could be dangerous. YouTube was one beast, Sana loved to watch and try tutorials. Their entire house was renovated off of the power of tutorials, but the discovery of pinterest meant that the house was slowly about to get redone again. Momo and Mina exchange a look, before looking over at Sana’s enthusiastic grin. 

Sana reached over and grabbed Momo’s hand, making Mina smile a bit. Sana relaxed into the bed, “Did you get your game schedule yet?”

“Yeah, I put it on the fridge last night.”

“Oh, I didn’t see it.” Sana frowned, “I’ll check again when I go back down there. You didn’t eat.”

That wasn’t even a question, but she felt Momo’s glare sharpen as soon as those words escaped Sana’s lips, “Why didn’t you eat?”

“I’m just not hungry right now, I might go eat in a bit.” Mina mused, ignoring Momo’s raised eyebrow, “I’m serious.”

“Okay, just eat before you go to sleep.” 

“I will.” Mina got up off the bed, helping Ray down as she did so, knowing he would want to follow her into her room. “I need to go do some homework.”

“Okay, don’t stress yourself out.” Was all Sana responded with as Mina left. Momo let go of Sana’s hand the second the door closed. Mina walked into her room, Ray following before she plopped onto her bed, the exhaustion of the day starting to weigh down on her. Ray whined, and she helped him up onto the bed, the dog immediately curling into her side. 

She took out her phone, smiling when she saw that Tzuyu liked her photo of her and Boo. It was rare that Mina posted, but this photo was too good to pass up, the dog filling the majority of the screen. She scrolled around a bit, liking a photo of one of the girls at her school that recently dyed her hair blonde. Maybe Mina should do that, she’s been wanting to. The little DM symbol caught her eye, oh yeah she forgot about that. She clicked on it. 

It was from an account she’s never seen before, she furrowed her brows clicking on it. The Winnie the Pooh profile picture didn’t give much information on who it was. It was all in japanese, which made Mina pause. She wasn’t very good at reading or writing her native tongue. Neither was Sana, they both moved when they were young and never really learned. Momo decided to teach them one summer, and it was hell, both girls trying to write kanji as Momo explained it. It kinda worked, but both Mina and Sana were still really slow at reading. 

She looked over the words, slowly sounding it out feeling her heart sink with every character.

Mizuko.fujitara

_ I’m not sure how to word this. Hi Mina, it’s your mom. :) I’m sorry I never responded to your letters, I didn’t know what to say to you. I still don’t. _

_ [Tues 5:46PM] _

Mizuko.fujitara

_ Do you maybe want to meet up? I’m sure you have some things you want to talk to me about, and I miss you. _

_ [Tues 5:46PM] _

For years Mina wondered what her initial reaction would be when she heard back from her mother. When she was younger she used to watch with anxious eyes as Sana grabbed the mail on their way in, deflating in disappointment when there was nothing. She just wanted a response, and she wasn’t even sure why. 

As she got older she got angrier, as things started to make more sense and she looked back at the things she never should have had to experience. She was angry when she was little sure, but she was more so confused than anything. But as the years went by and she lived with Momo and Sana she realized how fucked up everything was, and then at a certain point she just wanted to forget about it. She went to therapy for years, she made progress, so why did she still have to worry about it? She was safe, she was healthy, so why would she care. 

(She definitely would care. Especially when she would have a rough night and have to face Sana’s tired smile the next morning,completely exhausted from trying to calm her down. It’s been years since her last nightmare though.)

Still, as she stared at her phone the only thing she felt was disbelief. Her heart pounded as she reread it over and over, this was a joke. This was a joke. It was- she clicked on the profile. And there she was. It was only a few photos, one of a dog, another of an ice cream cone, and one photo of her when she was younger. That was her. Her heart sank to her stomach.

What did she do. Did she tell her moms? They were just in the other room, she could just go over and show them the text. But she knew they would make her block her. Is that what she wanted though? She had so many questions, how could she have done that to her, why she never responded to her, how did she get into that situation. She could go text Tzuyu for advice, but something was telling her that Tzuyu wouldn’t agree with her either. She bit her thumbnail.

H_minari

_ I don’t know. I’m not supposed to see you- _

_ [7:45PM] _

She got a response almost immediately. Again she sounded it out,

Mizuko.fujita

_ I know. I tried to set up a visitation day with DCF. I knew I had my parental rights messed with, but I didn’t know you were adopted _

_ [7:45PM] _

Was this a good idea? Mina had no idea. She got another notification. 

Mizuko.fujita

_ Please. I just want to see you. _

_ [7:46PM] _

Now this was probably the biggest mistake Mina had made to date, but she faltered for a second. She wanted to see her too. She let her fingers tap on the keys.

H_minari

_ Okay. when and where? _

[7:50PM]

Mizuko.fujita

_ How about next friday at 7? At the pizza shop we went to when you were little. Do you remember that? _

_ [7:50PM] _

H_minari 

_ Okay, but my moms absolutely cannot find out about this. _

_ [7:51PM] _

She set her phone down after that, trying to calm her racing heartbeat. Was this a bad idea? It definitely was. Maybe she just shouldn’t show up. What if she was using again? What if she wanted to hurt her again? Or what if she just wanted to reconnect? She did too. She wouldn’t tell anyone that, she saw the way Sana’s face soured when Mina brought up her mother. The detective never outright said it, actually she was supportive whenever Mina brought up the other woman lending an ear and advice but she could see how angry she was at the other woman. 

All Mina would do was meet up with her once, get the answers she wanted, and then go home and block her. That was the plan. But life always was a bit more complicated than that. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ten years ago Sana would have scoffed in you face if you told her that she would one day willingly go into an overpriced restaurant to eat food that she knew wouldn’t fill her up, however here she was looking out over the city skyline as criminally small plates were placed in front of them. Logically she knew she didn’t even have to blink at the cost, they were definitely in a position to just splurge and be okay. Momo’s paycheck covered all the bills, and Sana’s went straight into savings, after ten years of that they probably could just retire early and live comfortably. 

Momo was silent as she ate, fiddling around with her wedding ring, a habit she’s taken over the years when she was uncomfortable. She’d take her thumb and spin it softly, Sana had tried it herself a few times but she didn’t the same comfort Momo did. What was Momo eating, scallops? It was tiny. Sana’s steak was even tinier. Truly she just wanted to go to Olive Garden and call it a day, two plates for twenty dollars and it would be enough to fill them up. And the breadsticks, god she loved those things, so did Mina. The two of them could fill up on those things alone as Momo scolded them saying their meals again. They didn’t have dinners like that anymore.

The single candle in the middle of the table flickered, illuminating the scene softly, picking up the soft curves on Momo’s face as they ate wordlessly. It was weird, there were days Momo would accept Sana’s affections, such as the other night while she was making dinner and allowed Sana to hold her while she attempted to help, other days it was like she couldn’t even stand the sight of her. 

“How was your day,” Sana tried, cutting the smallest piece of steak she could.

Momo shrugged, “It was okay. I have court in a few days so we are just preparing for that.” 

“Which case? The fraud or drug possession?”

“Fraud.” Momo hummed, reaching over to take a sip of her wine. “The amount of times I have almost just dropped it, the guy is a fucking idiot. He’s definitely guilty.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

“I convinced him to take the plea bargain. He’s going to serve time.” Momo set her glass down, looking over at Sana, “How’s your work? Is your supervisor still leaving?”

“The last I heard,” Sana mused, “But I don’t trust anything until it happens.” 

Honestly switching departments was probably the best decision she ever made. At first it was hard, she agonized over her decision for months, before eventually making the leap. She could see how nervous Momo was every day she left for work, the lawyer texting her throughout the day to check up on her. So when there was an opening she took it, and fortunately it was the right choice for her. She didn’t realize what being surrounded by death all the time was doing to her mental health until she left, the victims in her old unit probably could care less if Sana caught the perp or not. They were already dead.

For someone still grieving, being surrounded by murder probably wasn’t a great decision. So she left. 

For a while she couldn’t have been happier. 

“I took some days off for Mina’s games, are you going to get out early those days?” Sana asked, Mina had been playing soccer for six years now and the two of them have never missed a match. It was a tradition, Mina would go and play, win or lose they’d get ice cream afterwards, sometimes with Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and the squad, sometimes just them when Mina was particularly crushed by a defeat. 

Mina was always too hard on herself. She tried to take the burden of victory all on her own shoulders. When she won that was fine, but when she lost she had to deal with that. Sana supposed they were similar in that aspect, actually they were similar in a lot of aspects. There were certain traits she could just watch Mina do and be reminded of Momo or herself, and she wasn’t too sure if that was something good or not. It was cute when she would sway in place Momo does, or say something that reminded her so much of her wife, or even Mina’s inability to cook something edible like herself. Mina was kind, and strong, and everything Sana could have wished for her to grow into. 

Still, there was a lingering doubt in Sana’s head. Did she do enough? She tried her damn best to raise Mina, but sometimes she second guessed and doubted herself. It was only natural. 

“Well, you don’t even want her to finish the season here so why should I bother.” Momo responded. Her wife just took another sip of her wine and looked over at her direction.

Were they really about to fight about this again? On date night? Sana sighed, reaching over to take a sip of her ginger ale. It all started when Sana found out that Momo had been offered partners in a really big firm down in Busan, at first Momo just shrugged and said she didn’t tell her because she wasn’t going to take it. 

At first Sana understood, but the more she thought about it the more she didn’t. Momo had been talking for years about leaving her firm, and one google search told her that this firm was one of the best in the nation. They could sell the house and move down there, Sana can transfer, Mina could just start a new school. It would be a bit rough but they could get through it. 

Maybe this could make everything better. 

Sana let out a frustrated sigh, “I just want you to sit down with me and we can write down a list of pros and cons.”

“We’re not moving to Busan.” Momo sighed. They’ve had this conversation time and time again, and Sana knew Momo was starting to get sick of it. 

“You’ve been wanting to get out of your firm for a while.” Sana hummed, “And the second best firm in the country offered you  _ partnership. _ ”

“It’s not just me. It’s you, you have a job here, you’re up for a promotion soon, you’ve worked really hard to get that. Your therapist is here, Mina’s is, and even though she isn’t seeing her as much it’s still nice to know we can go to her if something is wrong. Our friends are here, Mina’s friends are here. You think she will do well moving schools and away from everything she knows? Do you think you will? You two don’t do well with change.”

Okay, Momo had a few points. And it wasn’t like Sana was ignoring her, it’s just that she knew better. Sure would her and Mina have a rough time, yes. That wasn’t even a question. Mina was going to take a long time to adjust to a new school, and Sana would. No one doubted Momo’s ability to be fine. She could see Momo wanted it, she wouldn’t have stared the email and left it up if she didn’t. 

Sana knew Momo. Even if sometimes she felt like a stranger to her. Nayeon said it was normal, marriages had rough patches, and Sana hoped to god she was right. 

Because she knows. 

She knows Momo looks at her and remembers what’s in the attic. She knows she feels suffocated in a house that is just too damn big for three people. She knows Momo resents her for not trying harder. Momo would never say it, but she knows. 

Still, there are moments when Momo smiles, and jokes with her and their best friends and it makes everything okay. Marriage isn’t easy, it’s something you need to work on constantly and try hard at. Maybe they could go to counseling, maybe they would just recconnect naturally. But if something were to happen she needed it to happen soon, because Sana wasn’t too sure how long she could hold on before eventually her grip gave out. And she wasn’t even sure if Momo was doing the same.

━━━

  
  


Really the last thing Mina wanted to do was go to the library after a practice that has absolutely kicked her ass. It was friday, and while she was going to sleep over Tzuyu’s the two of them never usually did anything other than watch movies and eat food anyways, somehow she was roped into going to the library with everyone else. Apparently Tzuyu, Lucas, and Yeri have been there for a few hours now, working on a chemistry project and they just wanted to meet up there. 

Following a very, very awkward ride with Jihyo and Sooyoung, they arrived. Jihyo was trying her best, Mina could tell, but everyone was starting to get defensive on the constant drills they were running. Mina understood why, but even in her opinion it was getting a bit excessive. Sooyoung was so excited for this season, but seeing as dead as she looked walking into the library Mina could take a safe bet and bet that energy was not kept. 

After a quick peak around, Mina turned to the front desk worker. Vaguely she felt like she knew her, but honestly Mina was too tired to care, “Hey did you see a tall guy, a tall girl, and a small girl.”

“The small girl has devil horns,” Sooyoung chimed in, making Mina’s eyes roll.

The girl froze, just blinking back at Mina. That was a bit weird not going to lie. Slowly she nodded, pointing over at a table tucked away in the corner. Mina smiled, “Thank…”

“Y-yerim, but you can call me Choerry.” She responded, “I’m in your bio class.”

She was? Honestly Mina couldn’t recall, she kept to herself in that class. Mina nodded at her before her and Sooyoung made their way to their small group of friends. If they noticed anything was off about Mina the past week, they didn’t say anything. But she’s been feeling like a nervous wreck, going back and forth between wanting to meet her mother and just calling the whole thing off. Still, she felt like she owed it to herself. That she deserved answers. This was for her. 

Sooyoung plopped down between Yeri and Lucas, wrapping an arm around both of their shoulders. From the lack of books open, and the distressed look on Tzuyu’s face it seemed like they didn’t get a lot of work done.

“I think the girl at the front desk has a crush on Mina,” Sooyoung wagged her eyebrows. Lucas and Tzuyu had enough decency to not look right away, however Yeri did not, whipping her head around to look at the poor girl who blushed and looked away. Sooyoung reached over and grabbed her ear, turning her around as Yeri yelped in pain. “You dumbass.”

“Mina is about to take my lady killer title,” Lucas laughed, sparing Choerry a glance. Lady killer? Please. Sometimes Mina just wanted to slap this kid in the face. 

Tzuyu was quiet though, frowning in Choerry’s direction, “I don’t think so.”

“Tzu you should have seen her, she couldn’t even look Mina in the eye. A gay panic if I have ever seen one.” Sooyoung giggled. 

“I mean I think you should go for it,” Lucas elbowed Mina’s arm. She rolled her eyes at this. Okay, maybe she has never dated anyone, or had her first kiss, but that didn’t mean her friends had to constantly play matchmaker for her. 

“She’s a girl?” Mina raised an eyebrow at this.

“And? I don’t think we are in a living situation to judge.” Lucas shrugged. That’s fair. Growing up it’s only been them, especially when they were younger. It was tough, and Mina had a very clear reminder everyday that some of the world didn’t love her moms as much as she did at school for a while. She never told them that, Joohyun did when Yeri spilled the beans that some kids were teasing them and she marched to the school and threw a fit. 

Never for a minute was Mina ever embarrassed of her mothers though. She had no need. Because they could say what they want, but Mina would go home and greeted by Sana and Momo’s smiling faces asking her how school went, and would go through their nightly motions. She didn’t have to feel embarrassed because she would help Momo make dinner and then get to eat a full plate of food every single night. She didn’t have to feel embarrassed because Sana and her would sit down after dinner and play on her switch, playing animal crossing or smash bros for hours. She didn’t have to feel embarrassed because her and Momo would curl up and read a book until she fell asleep. She was safe, loved, and happy. Why would she ever be embarrassed of that? They never yelled, hit, touched, insulted, or forced her outside. Even when she was bad she was just put in time out and that was it. She could never be embarrassed of this. 

Even now, she never felt like that. She smiled when they held hands or kissed. She liked to see them happy and in love. She knew her friends felt the same way. Yeri was always her parents biggest supporter, willing to fight anyone who even dared say something about her moms. Lucas pretty much kept quiet about it, honestly Mina thinks back then a lot of people just didn’t even know because he never talked about his dads instead talking about race cars. Sooyoung- it was rough on her as a kid. Mina got it now, but back then she couldn’t understand. One time they were having a sleepover at her house and her and Jihyo ended up getting into an argument. The whole divorce was rough on Sooyoung, but still she was upset and said something that Mina knew she regretted to this day,  _ “Why can’t you be normal?”  _ That was the first and only time Mina had ever seen Seulgi cry. She’s gotten much better since then, now understanding why everything went down the way it did, but at eight she was just confused and angry. They didn’t have very many sleepovers at their house after that. 

  
  


The conversation shifted after Yeri pulled out a bag of chips from her bag and both Lucas and Sooyoung started scolding her saying they were going to get them kicked out. Yeri of course didn’t care, no one expected that she would. Tzuyu was quiet, doodling quietly in her notebook with her brows furrowed. Mina nudged her, “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” 

“You don’t seem very fine, are you stressed out about the project.”

“Yeah. The project.”

“We can work on it when we go to your house.” Mina smiled, eventually prompting Tzuyu to smile as well. Mina loved Tzuyu’s smile. Wordlessly, Mina grabbed Tzuyu’s sweatshirt off the back of her chair, shrugging it over her shoulders.

“Cold?”

“Yeah.”

Tzuyu looked at how her sweatshirt engulfed Mina and turned back to her paper with a grin. Eventually Yeri did end up getting them kicked out, which was probably a good thing because it was nearly closing time and Mina was hungry. Dahyun and Chaeyoung always made really good food, she knew that something delicious was waiting for them back at home. Lucas, Sooyoung, and Yeri walked ahead of Mina and Tzuyu, where the latter had her arm linked into the older’s. Mina didn’t notice the glare Tzuyu gave Choerry, instead focusing on the peach body spray the threatened to mess with her head. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey buddy-”

Mina looked up from her textbook to see a sheepish looking Sana standing in her door frame, she was still in her work clothes, a simple white button up and jeans. She must have only just taken off the leather jacket she’s worn since Mina met her, because her badge was still hanging around her neck and her medium length black hair was down, not tied into the usual bun she wore around the house. The detective rubbed the back of her neck, “Are you busy?”

“Not really-” Mina hummed, looking at the mountain of homework she somehow had acquired over the week. She hated school, she always had. She’s lost track of the amount of times she’s cried in frustration over assignments and had to have Momo talk her down and reassure her that this didn’t determine her worth, it was only fleeting. 

“Your mom is working late, I guess she has a big case or something.” Sana shrugged. Oh? Usually Momo would text Mina when she was staying late, but Mina never got anything? Maybe she finally realized that Mina wasn’t anxiously waiting for her to get home anymore, that she was a teenager and preferred to be alone now. Momo had always told her when she was coming home as long as she could remember, and for a while it did help to calm down her at times overwhelming separation anxiety. Momo and Sana used to keep their schedules on the fridge which Mina would memorize each week, leading the then first grader to wait by the door for them to come home, crying hysterically if they weren’t back by a certain time. 

She just didn’t want to get left behind. Was there anything wrong with that?

“Okay? Are we ordering food?” That’s usually what they did, over the years Sana has come to terms with her level of cooking skills (she had none). 

“I was actually about to ask you if you wanted to help me make something,” Sana shrugged. Oh? Sana leaned against the door, “I want to make something for Momo. She deserves something nice to eat when she gets home.”

“With your and my cooking skills we definitely are not going to make anything nice-” Mina trailed off when she saw the pout on Sana’s face. For someone who had the image of being cool and uninterested, she really was just a giant baby. This wasn’t the first time they’d tried to make a meal for Momo, it usually came after one of them fought with her- did date night go okay? Sana and Momo were never one to fight in front of her, not after that one time during christmas when Mina was terrified. She still remembers the terror she felt in that moment, she’d had only felt it one other time since when her and Yeri accidentally broke a window while playing baseball outside and Momo lost her cool when Mina tried to lie and say she didn’t do it. 

Now they were quiet, fighting behind closed doors thinking Mina couldn’t hear. She could. She would stay up listening to them argue through the walls, it wasn’t often but it still happened. 

Sana wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged, “I just thought it’d be nice to do something for her.”

Mina let her eyes float over her body language for a second before she found herself nodding, “Okay let’s make something.”

She closed her textbook, following Sana downstairs to the kitchen where the woman already had mostly everything out. Pasta and sauce, okay they weren’t going complicated, this might work. 

The problem with Sana cooking is that she got too excited, she would do one thing right and try to do another more difficult thing even if she knew it was out of her range of skills. Mina was no better, her overconfidence in her lack of skills and over reliance on tutorials something she had inherited over the years. 

Sana hummed along to the music playing from the small speaker she bought at five below as she filled a pot up with water, occasionally looking over to see Mina starting to weigh out pasta on their kitchen scale. She never liked the quiet, always having to fill it with music or talking, Mina thought it was because it made her anxious. Mina was like that too. 

“Are you guys almost ready for your first game?” Sana mused, turning up the heat on the stove before looking over at Mina. She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over herself. “Jihyo was telling me that you guys are starting to get it together.”

Mina shrugged, “We’ve only been running drills. I’m actually starting to get a bit annoyed with it. Everyone is going to crash and burn the second we get out on that field for a real game.”

“I think Jihyo has it under wraps,” Sana hummed, “She tends to have a plan. When I did cheerleading we did a lot of drills too, it builds up the basics.”

“You were a cheerleader?” Mina didn’t mean to laugh, she really didn’t, but the image of _Hirai Sana_ in a cheerleading uniform was just too funny. Sure, Mina supposes that she could have been different in her younger years, but her mother being anything else than the serious yet surprisingly dorky lovable person that Mina had grown up with felt weird. Sana liked comfy clothes, much like Mina did when she was younger. While Momo may have influenced Mina’s fashion style a bit more over the years, introducing cardigans and things besides jeans and hoodies, she hasn’t been able to break Sana, yet. 

With fake outrage, Sana gasped and flipped her hair, “I was one of the best cheerleaders for nearly three years! You should have seen me in the little uniform and ponytail, I was hot.”

“Ew.”

“It’s true.” Sana hummed, reaching up into a cabinet before pulling out a few starbursts. Momo was going to kill her if she found yet another stash of sweets. She handed Mina a few, staring to peel the wrapper off her own, “Believe it or not I was pretty popular for most of highschool.”

Mina didn’t have to wonder what the other part of highschool was like, Sana had told her. At some point Sana stopped running from her past, and could talk about things when she needed to. She still remembers the way Momo and Sana screamed at each other when Sana just refused to open up, but things have just gotten better since then. It gave Mina a bit of hope, one day she would be as at ease with the horrible demons of the past as Sana seemed to be. 

“That sounds like a lie.”

_“You’re just jealous.”_ Sana stuck out her tongue taking the pasta off the weight and poured it into the now boiling pot. She looked into the pot, rolling up her sleeves, _“I hope your mom likes this.”_

“She likes anything you make.” 

That for the most part was true, usually Momo was touched that the girls would spend time on trying to make something.She’d come home, wrapping them up in a hug, thanking them for the meal before eating and complimenting them. 

Sana just shook her head, “She just pretends to.” Without explaining more, she got the alfredo sauce out of the bottle and into a bowl. 

“I don’t know. Mom loves us a lot, even if she was just pretending it’s because she wants us to be happy.”

“I know, and that’s the problem,” Sana frowned, stirring the sauce to make sure it was cooking evenly, “You know, if we were to move how would you feel about that?” 

What? Mina let her head snap in the older woman’s direction. Move? That sounded horrible. She’d be away from everyone, especially Tzuyu. Mina isn’t too sure how she would handle that. “Like houses or cities?”

“Both.”

“I don’t think I would like that.” Mina shook her head, “Why? Are you guys thinking about that?”

“No,” Sana shrugged, “I was just wondering, I don’t know why it came into my mind.”

“Okay-” Mina wasn’t exactly convinced by that, but she also wasn’t about to go start pressing the issues. The timer over the stove went off as Mina took the noodles off of heat, quickly straining the water from the pot. 

Sana went quiet, “Should we make chicken too?”

“Um-“ This Is exactly where the recipe would start going off the rails, Sana was feeling confident. 

“We could pull up a tutorial.”

“I’m not in the mood for chicken.” For a few seconds the soccer captain waited with baited breath as Sana nodded, and took the now warmed up sauce and poured it into the pasta mixing it up. Mina smiled when she got a glimpse of the small H on her wrist as she did so. 

Sana had gotten her first tattoo when she was seven. It was quite a random decision, she just came home one day with a penguin that suspiciously resembled Peng covering the bullet scar on her left shoulder along with Mina’s birthday etched right next to it. Sana always hated her scar, she thought it was so ugly and would tell them that all the time, so Momo couldn’t be too mad. She was just very surprised, trying to formulate words as Sana proudly showed it off with a smile. 

Mina had been over the moon about it, babbling to Sana about it constantly, always wanting to look at it whenever Sana wore sleeveless shirts. Over the years Sana got a few more tattoos, a small H on her wrist, a semicolon behind her ear, a small moon above her right elbow, an outline of a photo of Momo, Mina, and herself on her ribcage. She even had one of Mina’s drawings from when she was six, a small smiling shark tattooed onto her left forearm, right on top of her artery that connected to her heart. 

In a few years Mina would get some tattoos as well, but that would be when she turned eighteen and away from Momo’s wrath. She had a plan, she wanted to get her adoption date on her left wrist, a school of fish on her right arm, a picture of ray somewhere, and both Sana and Momo’s either initials or birthdays. Though her plans were subject to change in the future, she could probably just give one of Yeri’s friends twenty bucks for a stick and poke if she wanted one now. Actually- that didn’t seem like such a bad idea. 

“This actually looks pretty good.” Sana hummed, looking at the meal now in a pot. Mina didn’t have the heart to tell her they literally just boiled noodles and put alfredo sauce in a pot. 

“Right.”

“Are you hungry now? I’m going to wait to eat with you mom, but I know you and Tzuyu wanted to go out later.”

“Yeah, would you mind?”

“Nah,” Sana shook her head, “Do you want some parm cheese?”

“Yes please.” Mina smiled, taking a bowl out of the cabinet, and then scooping some of the noodles in with a fork. Sana grabbed the cheese from the fridge, and handed her the container not even flinching when Mina sat on the counter, instead just sitting next to her. 

This was just Sana’s way of wanting to spend time with her. Over the years Mina saw as her friends and their parents drifted apart. It wasn’t cool to hang out with them anymore, but never Sana (and Momo too). Maybe it was because Mina understood how bad she could actually have it, or her idolization of her mother’s never faded from childhood, spending time with them was something she loved to do. 

With Momo it was always doing something. Shopping, getting their hair done, going out for ice cream. Sure they had their moments, after Mina failed a test or was just having a bad day, where they could just cuddle up and talk about whatever was bothering her. Sana was a bit different. She was never as upfront with her affection with Mina as Momo was, especially as she got older. Most of their time spent together would be Sana awkwardly coming into her room, holding up some console game saying she didn’t know how to play and if Mina would want to join her. Those were Mina’s favorite nights, just the two of them in the living room talking about anything and everything. It could be conversations about nothing, just how their days were, or deep things like Mina divulging a bit of her past and Sana giving her advice that Mina knew no other person in the world would have been able to. 

They were a team. Sana had made it clear throughout her childhood that she absolutely adored her, and the tattoos covering her body, quite a few which had a reference to her, were just a reminder to Mina every time she saw it. And while what the two of them had was good, they needed Momo to keep balance. She provided a heart to the family that kept it alive, working full days yet still cooking because she wanted family dinners even though Mina was at the age to just make something for herself. 

The two of them just sat in the quiet, enjoying the other’s company and Sana’s playlist. Occasionally Sana would open her mouth and Mina would give her a bite, and they both had to admit this was probably the best fish they had made thus far. Sana’s phone buzzes, and she frowned when she looked at it. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Momo’s eating with Jihyo tonight.” Sana responded, looking over at the meal the two of the prepared. 

“Oh? She didn’t say anything this morning.”

“I know.” Sana shrugged, taking a bowl down from the cabinet as well. “It’s about time for you to go with Tzuyu.”

“I can just eat with you, Tzuyu is not going to mind.”

“No, it’s fine.” Sana waved off, taking Mina’s now empty bowl from her. “Make sure to grab the plastic baggies.”

“Oh I bought something to attach them to Ray’s leash.” Mina smiled, grabbing his harness off it’s hook on the wall. As soon as she did so, little feet ran into the kitchen, jumping around her feet excitedly. She clipped the harness on, and looked back at Sana who just ate her food watching the two of them with a smile. 

_“Love you.”_

Sana always said _I Love You_ like she was afraid Mina would forget. 

A part of Mina thought it had to do with the people she lost, another part just thought it was Sana’s way of showing affection. Either way, Mina never left the house without a, _“Love you too!”_ of her own. 

━━━

Ray was really trying hard, Mina could tell. He was panting as he trotted next to her, slowing down every so often, but Gucci was as well. They were both old men now, a sight that saddened Mina immensely. Tzuyu has suggested walking them together a few years back, and ever since then they made a tradition of doing so, even if it’s become a bit more infrequent as the dogs got older and their stamina got worse. 

“How about we take a break?” Mina suggested, pointing over at a bench almost as soon as they entered the park. Once glance at the dogs had Tzuyu agreeing, sitting down on the bench, watching as the dogs laid down at their feet. 

“They’re getting so old.” Tzuyu commented, pulling a water bottle and bowl she carried in her ‘dog walking backpack’, and set it on the floor after filling it up. 

“I know, Ray can’t even climb up the stairs anymore.”

“I wonder how much time he has left.” Tzuyu wondered out loud. It would be a lie to not say Mina hadn’t wondered the same thing. She just wasn’t sure if she was ready to say goodbye just yet. She shook off that thought. 

She looked over to see Tzuyu smiling at her phone, typing out a response quickly before tucking it away in her pocket. Mina raised an eyebrow at that, it was definitely not one of their friends to be making Tzuyu smile like _that._ A bit of something Mina couldn’t exactly name licked at Mina’s stomach. 

(Somewhere deep down she knew it was jealousy. She just wanted to be in denial.)

As if sensing Mina’s interest, Tzuyu smiled, “Elkie. She sent me another meme.”

“Oh, can I see?” That didn’t make her feel any better. 

“It’s in Mandarin.”

“Oh.” 

“We share the same _Mommy Language._ ” Tzuyu laughed, causing Mina’s cheeks to turn red as she tried to stutter out a response. She was really never going to let that go. 

“Oh I knew she moved here a few years ago, I wasn’t sure where from.”

“Yeah. It’s nice to talk to someone in Mandarin again. Sure my moms learnt, but it’s different when it’s someone your age. You know?”

No? The only other Japanese person Mina had come into relative contact with was Yuta, and he definitely wasn’t the type Mina was going to be sending Japanese memes to. To be honest he scared her a bit. 

Tzuyu had this smile on her face when she talked about this _Elkie_ girl, something a bit loopy and gentle. It wasn’t an expression Mina saw often on her best friend. Mina didn’t like it. 

Deciding to change the subject, Mina looked up at the sky. It was already dark out, an unfortunate reality of it starting to reach late September. But the moon was out, shingling down on the two of them. It helped calm her down a bit. She looked over to Tzuyu, who was reaching down to pet the dogs. 

Was Tzuyu always this pretty?

Woah, where did that come from? Mina shook her head, ignoring the look Ray gave her. He always tended to know what Mina was thinking before she even knew. Trying to divert her attention yet again, her brain briefly landed on yet another subject she was trying to avoid; the upcoming meeting with her mother. 

Tzuyu knew Mina wasn’t going to be able to attend next week's usual sleepover day, Mina had made an excuse that she had a lot of homework to do that day because she had a game the next day. Tzuyu has bought it, but Mina was still a nervous wreck when she realized she had to face her birth mother in just a few days. 

“So that girl from the library,” Tzuyu hummed breaking Mina out of her thoughts, “You know her?”

That caught Mina off guard, causing her to look over at Tzuyu who looked nonchalant. Choerry? Why was Tzuyu interested in her?

“Uh kinda, we have a class together. I actually sit in front of her, I never realized.”

“I think she likes you.” Tzuyu deadpanned. 

“Okay?”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Um-“ Why did Tzuyu care so much? The taller girl was leaning in, focusing on each of Mina’s words. “I barely know her.”

“So?”

“So, I don’t really have an opinion.” Mina shrugged. “Plus I think my Mom would combust if she heard I was dating.”

“Dating?!” Tzuyu blinked, whipping her head around to look at Mina, “What? You’re thinking about dating her?”

“Isn’t that what you do when people like you?”

“Only if you like them back!” Tzuyu shook her head.

Tzuyu has one boyfriend freshman year, it was for one month and not serious at all. But still at times Mina felt a bit left behind as all her friends acquired dating experiences when she was just...alone. Was she unattractive? Maybe. But it still felt a bit weird. 

“You know Yeri has been dying to set you up with one of her friends.” Tzuyu admitted softly. “I keep holding her back for you.”

“Thanks,” Mina laughed. 

“We usually don’t talk about this type of stuff, do we?”

“No.” Mina shook her head, “There’s nothing to talk about, I haven’t even had my first kiss yet.”

“What if we kissed?” Tzuyu suggested, taking Mina completely off guard. 

“What?”

“It’s nothing serious. But then you can say you had your first kiss and you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.” Tzuyu shrugged, “It’d just be practice.”

Every part of that just screamed bad idea. Sure, they were affectionate growing up, hand holding and cheek kisses being very common- but this felt different. 

Still despite herself, Mina found herself nodding, feeling as if all the air was sucked out of her lungs when Tzuyu leaned forward. It felt exhilarating, like ever single nerve of her body was on fire, she could feel Tzuyu’s warm breath just tickling her lips. Did she keep her eyes open? No that’s weird. She closed them, tilting her head just a bit. Tzuyu’s peach body spray infiltrated every single one of her senses, leaving Mina defenseless. 

All that existed was Chou Tzuyu. She leaned forward, but never made contact. 

“Don’t eat that!” Tzuyu broke away first, looking over to where Gucci was trying to devour a rock. She stood up off the fence, attempting to wrestle it out of his grasp. 

Mina was left breathless, holding a finger over where Tzuyu’s breath had hosted over her skin. 

_Oh shit._

  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for this chapter // mentions of past child abuse

If you asked six year old Mina if she was excited to see her mom again, she would have nodded happily then dug her face into Peng’s soft fur. Back then she was convinced her mother would be released, she would move in with her, Sana, and Momo and the four of them would be happy and  _ safe.  _

Obviously life has gone a bit differently than that. 

Now at sixteen, Mina isn’t exactly sure how she should feel at this moment. Excited? Nervous? But she didn’t feel either of those, it was strange. She had already spent the last ten years grieving someone who had never died. Sometimes she just told classmates her birth parents had passed away, that’s why she was adopted. It was easier to think of her mother as dead half the time. She was dead to Mina, so what was the difference?

But now she felt like she was staring at a ghost. Gripping onto the handlebars of her mint green bike so hard her knuckles would turn white, staring at the woman standing in front of the pizza shop down the street from their old basement apartment. She was wearing an oversized black hoodie and a pair of jeans, her hair was a bit grown out. But it was her. She was biting her thumbnail, looking down at a cheap track phone. 

Mina hopped off her bike and rolled it next to her as she walked, the noise garnered her birth mother’s attention, the woman’s head snapping up to look at her. It felt like time had stopped for a second, before Mizuko could find it in her to speak,  _ “Hi.” _

_ “Hi.”  _ Mina responded. 

Mizuko’s gaze fluttered over Mina, her face twisting into something Mina wasn’t sure what it was.  _ “You’re so big.” _

_ “I’m grown now.”  _ Gee, Mina had picked up Sana’s conversational skills. 

_ “I see that.”  _ Mizuko nodded, watching as Mina locked her bike to the bike rack outside the restaurant and then turned back to her. She reached her arms out, before hesitating a bit,  _ “Can I hug you?” _

_ “I would rather you not.”  _ Mina watched as disappointment quickly spread across Mizuko’s face before she nodded and put her hands back to her side. 

Mina wasn’t sure the last time she felt this guarded. Sure she knew she was going to be a bit uncomfortable going into this, but as soon as she saw her anger was pooling in her stomach. This was going to be painful, wasn’t it?

_ “Should we go in?”  _ Mina pointed to the shop. Mizuko nodded and opened the door following Mina into the shop. They picked a table near the back, there weren’t that many customers here in general, but a bit of privacy was something Mina needed. 

A waiter came over, and handed them two menus. Mina thanked him and turned to her mother, before starting to read off the menu,  _ “The top right says-“ _

_ “It’s okay, I can read now. I took some Korean language classes.” _

_ “Oh yeah?” _

_ “Yeah. I mean it’s been nearly a decade, I needed to learn how to communicate. They’re not exactly the nicest in prison.” _

_ “Right.” _

_ “I was thinking we can just share a small pizza? Or are you hungry?” _

_ “No that’s okay. Hawaiian?” _

_ “Sure.” _

Mina called the waiter over, giving him both of the menus, “Can we get a small hawiian? And I’ll get a sprite.”

“I will have a coke. Please.” 

Mina smiled at this. Her mother’s words were heavily accented, and a bit choppy but her level of Korean the last time she saw her was nonexistent. She can only recall her mother saying the basics, communicating with Mina in their native tongue most of the time. Mina had been able to pick up Korean from their visitors almost seamlessly, before having to unlearn some things when she accidentally swore in school and Jihyo reprimanded her before realizing Mina had no idea how to speak formally. 

That must have been funny, microscopic five year old Mina with greasy hair and dirty clothes, swearing up a storm in kindergarten. But Jihyo was patient, always speaking to Mina formally so the girl could copy and gently telling her how or how not to say things, and in a really short amount of time she was fine. 

The waiter nodded and made his exit, leaving the two of them alone once again. This was awkward. She gave herself a moment to take in her mother’s appearance; she looked exactly the same as Mina remembered. Why was Mina expecting her to look old? No idea. The woman had literally just turned thirty-three, not fifty. She looked tired though, and nervous, fiddling with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. 

She looked at Mizuko. Mizuko looked back at her. Neither of them spoke. Mizuko looked over at Mina’s soccer bag that was tossed next to her in the seat, the teen was still sweaty from practice, opting just to come here instead of showering.  _ “What sport do you play?” _

_ “Soccer.” _

_ “Really?”  _ Mizuko’s eyes lit up at that,  _ “I played when I was in highschool too, I played midfield.” _

_ “That’s the position I play.” _

_ “No way. Must be genetics.”  _ Mizuko laughed,  _ “Yeah, I dropped out my junior year, but I played since I was seven.” _

_ “Why’d you drop out?” _

_ “I got pregnant.”  _ Mizuko shrugged,  _ “Your father convinced me that we would take care of us and I just needed to focus on you.” _

_ “What a liar.” _

_ “Right. Mina, just don’t date. Not till you’re thirty it’s not worth it.” _

_ “That’s what my mom tells me.”  _

_ “She’s smart.”  _ Mizuko smiled.  _ “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. You were so tiny the last time I saw you.” _

For some reason Mina found herself relaxing just a bit. Some of the tension releasing from her body, letting her nod and participate a bit more with the conversation.

_ “Yeah, I was a tiny kid. My mom would make me these disgusting smoothies with vitamins and a bunch of fruits and veggies and make me drink it before school. She even took me to some herbal medicine guy to try and make me taller.” _

_ “Mina, hate to break it to you, but us Myoui girls don’t get much taller than this.”  _ Mizuko was right about that, they were around the same height, and she was much smaller than Mina remembered.  _ “My mom was smaller than I am, so don’t expect to grow much.” _

_ “I’ve made peace with the fact I’m not gonna be tall. It’s my mom who can’t.” _

_ “She’ll get over it.”  _ Mizuko laughed. The pizza and drink were placed down in front of them.  _ “So, how are you? Are you doing well in school? Dating? I know sports, but how’s that going?” _

_ “I’m not great at school,”  _ Mina shrugged,  _ “It just never clicked for me. And I’m not dating. Sports are okay, we have our first game this weekend.” _

_ “Oh, text me and tell me how it goes.” _

_ “Okay.”  _ Mina went quiet,  _ “I have a question.” _

_ “I might have an answer.” _

_ “Why did you want to meet up?” _

_ “I just wanted to see you before I left.” _

What? Mina looked up from her drink, and her confusion must have shown all over her facial expression because Mizuko bit her lip looking a bit anxious.  _ “What?” _

_ “I’m going back to Japan.” _ Mizuko looked down at the table,  _ “I can’t be here anymore, it makes me feel sick. I don’t have papers so I can’t work, honestly I think they were supposed to deport me but something must have happened because I’m stuck here now.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “My original plan was to get you back, and we were going to go back home together. No one ever told me what happened, I was never told my parental rights were terminated. I knew you were staying with that detective, but-”  _ Mizuko reached forward, gripping onto Mina’s hand, it took her off guard for a second and she flinched.  _ “I thought you were floating around the system this entire time.” _

_ “No. I was adopted by the detective.” _

_ “Just her? She doesn’t have a husband or something?” _

_ “No she has a wife. My other mother.” _

_ “Oh.”  _ Mina didn’t like that reaction. Her birth mother's eyebrows furrowed a bit, and Mina could tell she was thinking. The table fell into an uncomfortable silence, before Mizuko spoke up again, _ “You’ve been...safe right?” _

_ “Yeah?”  _ Mina wasn’t sure exactly sure what she was getting at. 

_ “Like they didn’t hurt you or..I don’t know- like you were safe?” _

_ “No. They weren’t you.” _

Mizuko let go of Mina as if she was burned.  _ “I-I didn’t have any control over that.” _

Mina had spent years trying to justify everything, oh she couldn’t have known what happened, she was in danger too, she didn’t mean it. She just wanted an excuse to believe her mother wasn’t a bad person. That she didn’t mean to put Mina into the position she was in, because for some reason it hurt less that way. 

But things started to make sense as she grew up, nothing was normal. Sana had never raised her voice at her, not once. Sure she got annoyed, but never was she loud. And never did she hit, instead Sana would actually leave the room to calm herself down and let Mina relax as well. 

When Mina came home crying because a teacher yelled at her and called her stupid in front of the entire class for coloring in the circles of her test, Momo had literally driven back to the school just to yell at him in front of the entire staff. She stood up for Mina. Something Mizuko

She learned what it meant to be loved and love unconditionally. That was the lesson she was the most grateful for, but it also started to rip all the justifications she made and mental gymnastics she’d jump through into something unreasonable. And it left her confused and angry. 

Too many nights had she had an attitude or was just distant because she couldn’t stop thinking about things. Too many nights her mothers had to burst into her room and almost pin her down because she would wake up screaming and thrashing around so hard she’d accidentally hurt them or herself. It wasn’t normal. And every time Mina thought about it it went back to her. 

Staring at the woman in front of, trying to  _ deny  _ what happened, that anger hadn’t faded. 

_ “Why?”  _ That was the question Mina had always wanted to ask. It echoed through her mind at night, it threatened to eat her whole sometimes. Why? It was one word. A simple question. 

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “Why would you let them do the things they did. Why didn’t you stand up for me?”  _

_ “Mina- I didn’t know what happened. I still don’t-“ _

_ “Don’t lie to me.” _

_ “I’m not.”  _ Mizuko sighed,  _ “I was really messed up back then. I mean obviously you know- but I learned about some of the things at the trial.” _

_ “You watched!”  _ Mina’s voice was starting to raise, a feat that didn’t happen often.  _ “You watched it all happen! And you said nothing! Because as long as you got your fix you didn’t care.” _

Mizuko lowered her head,  _ “I tried.” _

_ “Oh right. You tried for a week. When- when-“  _ Mina faltered,  _ “But you gave in.” _

_ “It’s not that easy. I was on heroin, it’s not just something you can get over in a week.”  _ Mizuko sighed,  _ “I’m not trying to make excuses. But-“ _

_ “You know what’s the worst part. How you tried to make me feel like it was my fault. That somehow I was damaged or broken because of something you chose for me. Because I believed it. I haven’t told anyone half of what happened. Not my moms. Not my therapist. Not my best friend. I kept it to myself.”  _

_ “I’m sorry.”  _

And just like that Mina’s entire resolve was vanquished as she looked over to her mother, quietly crying as she tried to look out the window and wipe away her tears. Mizuko let out a quiet sob,  _ “I’m so sorry.” _

Three words. Just a simple apology. Mina wasn’t sure why it affected her so much. Maybe because it was what she was waiting to hear for so many years, maybe because she knew she meant it. Mizuko slid around the table, sliding into Mina’s seat, she wrapped her arms around her tucking her chin on top of Mina’s head. 

_ “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” _ She sobbed, gently rocking Mina back and forth.  _ “I’m sorry. I- I’m sorry.” _

Everyone in the entire restaurant must have thought they were crazy, but Mina was blinking away her own tears not caring. A part of her was still that confused six year old, not being able to understand why her mother was going away and wanted her so desperately to come back. Mina closed her eyes, and allowed herself to just enjoy her embrace. 

Mizuko broke away first, digging into her pocket.  _ “I wanted to show you this.”  _ She pulled out a small bronze coin and handed it to Mina.  _ “That’s my ten years sober chip. I know you’re never going to forgive me, but I’m trying.” _

Mina fiddled around with it, letting her fingers play with the ridges. 

_ “I was young and stupid, and I got us into a really fucked up situation. If you hate me, I understand. But, I changed. I promise you, I changed.” _

Mina tried to will herself to push her away, to be angry. To storm out of there and let her feel how she felt when she left. But she couldn’t. Maybe this is why Sana allowed her mother into her life again, Mina never understood that. Granted it for was like one day, but after everything she still let her back in. 

Mina just thought Sana had a giant heart. While that was true, that wasn't all of it. It was way more nuanced than what she thought. Why she felt five different emotions in this moment was confusing to say the least, but she wasn’t sure what to feel about it. 

_ “I don’t know if I believe that.” _

_ “That’s okay. I want to earn your trust back.” _

_ “Can you?” _

_ “I can try. This isn’t how I wanted this to go.”  _ Mizuko let out a watery laugh,  _ “I wanted to have a good time with you before I left.” _

_ “When are you leaving?” _

_ “I don’t know. I need to gather some money.”  _ Mizuko shrugged,  _ “I’m staying with some friends right now, but I need to leave soon. I don’t feel safe.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “I don’t want to freak you out, but I gave a testimony to get that fucker locked up. You don’t think his friends have it out for me?”  _ Mizuko rubbed the back of her neck,  _ “I saw one of my old...clients, if that’s what you want to call them the other day. I don’t think he saw me, but I bolted out of there. I’m scared.” _

Mina went quiet.  _ “How much do you need?” _

_ “I was looking online at rent in Kobe, I can get a really tiny studio for about two hundred a month. But they require one month or rent up front, and a security deposit. Plus the plane ticket. It’s gonna be a bit before I can save up enough.” _

_ “What are you doing right now?” _

_ “I wash dishes at a Japanese restaurant, it’s not much but it’s under the table.” _

This was a stupid thing to say.  _ “I can help.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I can get some money together for you. I have a job, and I’ll pick up a few more shifts and-“ _

_ “No.” _

_ “I can help.” _

_ “No. That’s not your job. I should be giving you money.” Mizuko shook her head.  _

_ “I understand how dangerous they are.”  _ Mina knew very well, nights of hearing Momo weep quietly as she hugged Sana tightly shaken up by almost losing another person she loved, the panic in her face when they went to the hospital, Sana in that hospital bed. As a kid she didn’t realize just how hurt she was, looking back it she doesn’t even understand how Sana was able to comfort her or even wake up and speak.  _ “You know they shot my mom right? The detective.” _

Mizuko paled.  _ “What?”  _

_ “Yeah. She went to arrest him and he shot her twice. It was a long time ago now, but I get why your scared. I was scared for a long time too.” _

_ “You don’t think they’ll come for you?” _

_ “No.”  _ Mina had when she was younger, completely stressed out and overwhelmed. She remembers the sleepover she had a Tzuyu’s when she was young, right before the trial, where Sana and Mom had to pick up because she had a nightmare because of how stressed she was. But, as time passed and she attended therapy along with having Sana plus two dogs and attack cat Grumpy in the house the anxiety faded.  _ “I don’t think they care that much about me. But you can’t exactly hide that.” _

She motioned to the tattoo that peaked out from the sleeve of Mizuko’s sweatshirt. The older woman pulled her sleeve up a bit self consciously. 

_ “I'll help you get some money. Then we don’t have to see each other anymore.”  _ Mina broke away from their hug, reaching over to take a sip of her drink.  _ “I’m not even supposed to be here.” _

_ “How can they just ban us from seeing each other? I’m your mom.” _

_ “You’re the woman who gave birth to me.”  _ That felt a bit harsh. Mizuko deflated at that. 

_ “Do you think you would be willing to visit me in a few years?” _

_ “I don’t know.” _

Mizuko nodded making her way to the other side of the table,  _ “So, tell me how practice went.” _

It wasn’t perfect, but she was trying. Mina just wasn’t sure if she wanted to try as well. If she did, she’d just be opening herself up to getting hurt again. And she wasn’t sure if her heart could take that. 


	8. Chapter 8

Momo hadn’t even flinched when Mina announced she wanted to dye her hair blonde. Literally not a single reaction, she just dipped her morning coffee and continued to look at the news on her phone, humming out a gentle, “Okay.”

She had expected Momo to be a bit hesitant, talking it over with Mina before she just agreed. There was no change in her expression as Mina walked into the room, dressed in her school uniform to see Momo with wet hair and still in her Pajama pants. That was a bit weird. 

“Wait, that’s it?”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Momo furrowed her brows looking up at Mina. She looked a bit lost, swearching Mina’s appearance for an answer. 

“No objections?”

“No.”

“Blonde.” Mina emphasized, “I have to bleach my hair. Going blonde. Nothing?”

“It’s your hair,” Momo shrugged, “I’d rather have a blonde Mina, then a sad Mina.”

Mina smiled at that, taking her daily bagel off the table and spreading some cream cheese over it. She held it up so Momo could take a bite, which she did, before pulling it back down to take her own bite. Momo looked stressed, bags under her eyes signalling she hadn’t been sleeping much. Thinking back to it Mina had stayed up the other night playing games until nearly seven in the morning and she saw Momo awake around two when she went to grab food. Momo frowned at her phone, shaking her head and typing furiously.

“Everything okay?” Mina mused, frowning when Momo didn’t look up at her at first. The mother closed her phone and slammed it onto the counter, shaking her head. 

“It’s just my idiot of a sister.” Momo groaned, “Again.”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“She’s asking if her and her boyfriend can stay here for a few days while their bathroom is redone.” 

“Okay?” Mina wasn’t really following her train for thought. Hana had slept over a few times over the years, spending time with Momo that had them speaking loudly into the late night and Sana and Mina hanging out away from them when they broke out the wine. 

“I’m not comfortable having her boyfriend here.” Momo sighed, “You won’t like it, and I haven’t met him so I don’t feel okay with that either.”

“Why don’t they just stay in a hotel?” 

“I don’t know.” Momo shrugged, “I think she just wants to save some money and stay here. But it’s not happening. Grammy and Grandpa are staying over for the holidays, so we can get to know him then.”

“That’s in a few months though.”

“I know. I just don’t have the time nowadays to get to know him.” Momo shrugged, “And between you and me I don’t think they’re even going to be together that long anyways.”

Mina shrugged, taking another bite of her bagel. “When is your next day off?”

“Saturday.”

“Can you come with me to dye my hair then? I’m a bit nervous.” 

Momo barked out in laughter at that, making Mina pout. “Mina, you’re too cute. Okay, let’s do it. We haven’t hung out in a while.”

“We haven’t,” That was true. They just haven’t had the time. This was a bit of a relief because Mina had been dying to ask her a few questions in regard to her birth mother. How the hell they were going to get her back to Japan was bugging her, she didn’t have papers, a passport, nothing. But it wasn’t just like she could come out and say it, Momo would be suspicious. She was always the observant one. 

Instead, Mina just stood up and wrapped her arms around her mother, clearly taking her a bit off guard. The lawyer relaxed into her embrace, wrapping her arms around Mina that always made her feel grounded and okay. Momo’s hugs were always something special, whether it was when she was a kid and the two of them would curl up and read stories, or after a crushing loss to a rival soccer team and she just needed some comfort, she could rely on Momo to just make everything okay.

If Sana was the heart of the family, Momo was the glue. While Sana and Mina just understood each other on a level Momo would just never get, Momo kept them from retreating too far into themselves when things got tough. They wouldn’t work without her. She kept the harmony.

“What’s the matter?” Momo hummed, running her fingers through Mina’s hair softly. 

“I just wanted a hug.” Mina mumbled. Momo’s been distant lately, and as much as Momo and Sana were trying to hide whatever was going on, she could tell something was up. Honestly, at the moment she didn’t care too much, she just needed a bit of comfort. Emotionally since meeting up with her birth mother, she’s just been drained feeling sensitive and agitated. 

Really she just needed some alone time. Her social battery has been steadily running out for days now. Between school, work, soccer, dance, she had little alone time to recover and collect herself. She met up with her mother on Friday, then had her game on Saturday meaning she was surrounded by people all day and games were always stressful, then rehearsal in the afternoon with a shift that night and on Sunday. 

Momo didn’t speak, instead just rocking the two of them softly letting Mina dictate what they were doing. Mina had a free day tonight, she was going to study over Yeri’s with everyone. Usually that seemed like something that would help relax her a bit, but after what happened with Tzuyu the other night she hadn’t been able to even look at her without blushing furiously. And she hadn’t even gotten a full night of sleep since meeting up with her mom, tossing and turning throughout the night.

She was confused, sleep deprived, and fighting an incredibly strong urge to kiss her best friend. It felt like a recipe for disaster. 

All she wanted was just a peaceful night. Where she didn’t have to see another human being, locked away in her room either cleaning out her fish tank or playing video games, maybe crying. Crying sounded fun right about now. Momo broke away first when she felt Mina loosen her grip and take a step back. “You look tired.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get a great night of sleep.” Mina pouted, ignoring the way Momo’s brows furrowed in concern.

“Nightmares?”

“No, Grumpy kept wanting to come in and out all night.”

“Okay.” Momo didn’t sound completely convinced. It was hard to lie to her, she always knew when something was up. Like the first time Mina snuck out and Momo nearly caught her, to this day Mina is a bit suspicious Momo knew what she was doing and just let her go because she trusted her not to do anything too stupid.

“Hello my babies.” Sana hummed, walking into the room fully dressed. She seemed to be in a good mood, kissing Mina on the forehead before walking around her to grab her coffee. Something was definitely wrong. Sana didn’t peck Momo on the lips like she had done without fail since the day they moved in, instead grabbed an apple and sat down at the table. “Are you not going to work today?”

“I called out.” Momo’s response was clipped and pointed.

“Oh are you feeling okay?”

“We need to talk tonight.” Momo sighed, tapping a finger on her phone. Oh? Sana paled a bit at that before nodding, biting into her apple. That didn’t seem good. Momo turned to Mina, “Are you eating over Yeri’s tonight?” 

“I might, I don’t know. Depends if Joohyun offers.”

“Okay let me know.”

_ Beep Beep _

Why couldn’t Lucas just text her? She sighed, picking her bag up giving Sana a quick hug, followed by a “Love you!” and practically ran out of the house, watching as Tzuyu did the same and opened the door on the other side of the car. 

The car ride was actually pretty quiet for once, save for the time they nearly crashed because Yeri threw an empty soda can at Sooyoung that bounced off and accidentally hit Lucas in the head. They made it, that’s all that mattered. Had Mina avoided Tzuyu the entire time, you betcha.    
  
Tzuyu just looked pretty today in a way that made Mina’s brain unable to function. Maybe it was the new cardigan she was wearing, a chunky tan one over her uniform, or maybe it was the fact the feeling of her breath ghosting against Mina’s lips replayed constantly in her head and has been for the past few days. It could have been the fact that a really large part of her wished Gucci never made a noise and she was able to kiss her best friend. 

That fact was freaking her out a lot. Much more than she felt comfortable admitting. 

Along with the whole situation with her mom, that was another thing starting to eat at her, and really the last thing she needed was for things to get awkward with Tzuyu. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but all she knew is she was about to keep it inside and away from anyone else until she died. That sounded like a great plan. Well at least until Tzuyu’s arms wrapped around Mina’s right arm as they walked, sounding off alarm after alarm. 

She looked up to Tzuyu, who just smiled back at her. “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m just walking you to class.”

“Why?”

“Just want to.” 

There was no fighting that logic. People were probably going to give them looks, but fuck them. Well actually, please don’t, Mina might melt into a puddle. But they went to her class like that anyway, Tzuyu was a bit reluctant to let go of her arm, staring at something in the class. Choerry? Tzuyu was still on that? 

Mina let it go, telling Tzuyu goodbye and taking her seat in front of the girl. Things were so fucking weird. 

━━━

“Where’s your TV?” Lucas hummed, pointing over to the now empty spot where Yeri’s big flat screen TV used to be mounted on to the wall. Sooyoung burst into laughter at that, hitting Yeri on the arm as the younger tried to hide her face into her hands.

The five were laid out on the floor of Yeri’s room, which was actually a pretty comfortable fit as opposed to when they all tried to squeeze into Mina’s room. With one mother that was a top prosecutor, and another that was a pediatrician at one of Seoul’s biggest hospitals, Yeri’s house was not only huge but absolutely gorgeous. Yeri’s room was the entire basement, and it was just massive. Lucas was in a similar situation with a top cardiatric surgeon for a father, he was definitely well off if his humongous vacation house was any indication. Mina and Tzuyu were the next down the line, living in the same neighborhood comfortably. Their houses weren’t anything too special, but it was home. Mina was probably a bit better off than Tzuyu, Momo made a very, very nice paycheck. Sana was paid well as well, and everyday Mina was grateful for that. She didn’t have to have a huge house, she just needed her Moms, a warm bed to sleep in, and food. She wasn’t a picky person. Sooyoung probably had it the toughest out of all of them, Jihyo only had a teacher’s salary and Seulgi’s restaurant had been struggling a bit lately. Mina wasn’t entirely sure what her dad did, Sooyoung didn’t talk about him much.

They were barely studying, which Mina should have expected but she desperately needed to do. Math was already starting to confuse her, and she really didn’t have time to start with a tutor again. Instead Yeri and Sooyoung were eating while everyone just chatted and Mina tried to read her textbook. Yeri groaned, throwing her body down onto the small table, “I got caught sneaking out the other night.”

“Wait really?”

“Yes.” Yeri groaned, “I’m only allowed to have you guys over because we’re supposed to be studying. And it’s all your fault.”

“How is this my fault?” A scandalized Lucas slapped the finger away that Yeri pointed in his face.

“Because you insisted on bringing me on a double date with your stupid girlfriend.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Mina picked her head up from her textbook, looking back at her friends who just kinda gave her a  _ duh  _ look. When the hell did this happen? 

“Oh right,” Sooyoung smiled, “You didn’t come to the movies with us. Tzuyu and Lucas brought their girlfriends, I bet you knew about Tzuyu but yeah Lucas just kinda shocked us and brought Yuqi.”

WAIT WHAT. TZUYU HAD A GIRLFRIEND? 

ERROR 404: MINA SYSTEM FAILURE

When did this happen? Why didn’t she tell her? What the hell was going on? Her head rocketed in Tzuyu’s direction, to which the girl just sat with her mouth slightly open eyebrows furrowed. Was this a secret she was supposed to keep from Mina. Then why did Tzuyu want to kiss her?

Maybe the little thought in her head that maybe wanted to kiss her as bad as Mina wanted to kiss Tzuyu was completely wrong.

“We need to go to the movies again soon, that was fun.”

“You should invite Elkie again,” Lucas snapped his fingers smiling over at Tzuyu, “I can invite Yuqi and if those three ever get some then they can drag their people along!”

“I’m not dating Elkie guys.” Tzuyu spoke up, giving them all a look, “We’re just friends. And I never even said I liked girls?”

Why did it feel like a weight was lifted off of Mina’s chest?

“Oh, we just assumed. You guys were holding hands the entire time.” 

Mina really didn’t want to hear this. 

“Well yeah, but we also watched a horror movie.”

“Okay fair.” Lucas conceded, pointing out something to annoy Yeri once again.

“Are you feeling okay?” Tzuyu hummed, tucking her head on to Mina’s shoulder. Just having her that close was making Mina’s heart palpitate. “You’re quiet tonight.”

“I have a headache.”

Tzuyu went quiet at that, “You say that when something is bugging you.”

Mina just motioned to her book, feeling Tzuyu nod against her shoulder. Tzuyu’s arms slipped around her waist, into a position that felt way too intimate for comfort. “I’ll tell you about it when we’re alone.”

“Is it bad?”

“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.” Momo and Sana could absolutely not know about Mina meeting her mom. She needed help, she made it very clear to Mina and they wouldn’t let her help. It was so strange, how torn she felt about all of this. 

Tzuyu turned to her, “You’re not wearing makeup today.”

“I didn’t have time.”

“I like your moles. They’re pretty.” And just like that Mina was once again a blushing mess. Tzuyu didn’t seem to notice or just didn’t say anything, “It looks nice.”

“You’re just saying that. I want them gone.”

“No, I mean it.” Tzuyu smiled, “I wish you wouldn’t cover them up all the time.”

Tzuyu was confusing. That was the simplest way for Mina to put it, she couldn’t get a gauge on where she was at. What if Mina just turned her head the littlest bit and kissed her right her- MINA WHAT THE FUCK. 

She wiggled out of Tzuyu’s grasp, ignoring the confused look she gave her while doing so. This didn’t feel right. Why was she so nervous? “I think I’m going to head home, I’m not feeling all too good.”

“Want me to come with?”

“No,” Mina hummed, tucking her book into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. Tzuyu just nods, she always knew when to leave Mina alone. Tzuyu always knew what Mina felt before she even knew it herself.

Yeri, Lucas, and Sooyoung probably didn’t even notice her leaving, but she grabbed her bike and started riding home anyway. They were lost in their little world, and to be fair Mina was as well. Her headache, a persistent pain behind her temples. It was probably just stress. Or maybe she was catching a cold, she always got sick easily. She let her bike fall next to the steps in it’s usual spot, opening the door frowning when she heard speaking. And it didn’t seem all too good either. 

“If we talked about it, then why would you send me a realtor. I already told the firm I’m not taking it. We’re staying right here.” Momo sounded pissed. What was going on? Mina took a few more steps into the house, seeing the two of them staring at each other in the living room. 

Um? What was going on? Sana just rolled her eyes,“I just wanted you to choose yourself for once.”

“I can’t. I’m a wife and I’m a mother, I have to pick you two. I’d be happy, but the two of you would be miserable.”

“So you’re just going to let yourself be miserable instead?”

“I’m not miserable!”

“Then why don’t you just take the job?”

“I thought we discussed this!” Momo groaned, her volume increasing. 

“You’re not happy!” Sana matched her volume, throwing her hands up in the air. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong lately! I come home and you don’t even look at me, I make dinner and you don’t come home, I offer to let you take an opportunity you really want but you won’t take it.”

“You’re right! I’m not happy!” Momo hissed. Was she- crying? What the fuck was going on?

“Why?”

“I don’t know!”

“Is it about the baby thing? Momo, we discussed our options.” Sana sighed, “You can’t carry, that’s okay. We can adopt or foster a kid instead-”

“Why are you bringing that up again?” 

“I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong!”

“You! That’s what’s wrong!” Momo exclaimed.

“Me?” Sana took on a sarcastic tone, “What are you trying to say, you fell out of love with me? I know you’re just stressed out, and I’m annoying you with all of this-”

The house was suddenly silent.

“Right?” Sana turned around, and Mina could only see the look of pure fear across her features.

“I-I don’t know.” 

Mina swore she heard Sana’s heart shatter, the sound of it breaking and cracking into millions of little pieces, falling and spreading across the floor. She could only watch as Sana’s face twisted into something she had never seen before, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. It probably would have been less painful if Momo just stabbed her in the heart instead, but the other woman looked distraught as well. 

“I spoke to the divoce attorney at my work, and she said this was normal. That couples just get tired of eachother after a while.”

“You want a divorce?!” Sana took a step away from Momo when the woman attempted to reach out for her, her honey brown eyes shining with tears. 

“No. I just needed someone to talk to.” Momo sighed, wiping a stray tear away, “I don’t know what’s going on with us anymore, and it’s not like I have anyone to talk to other than my sister.”

“You don’t love me?”

“I’m always going to love you. Just right now- I don’t know how to describe it.” Momo let her head hang, “I think we need to go to couples counseling or something. Because I don’t know how much longer I can keep holding on.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“Why do  _ you _ want to move to Busan so bad? You know you’re not feeling right about us either.”

Sana went quiet at that. Running a hand through her hair, she just waved her off walking past her and up the stairs. A few seconds later a door slammed shut, and then it was quiet. 

Quietly, Mina just put her shoes back on and left. They needed to cool down, and they were very obviously trying to argue when they thought Mina wouldn’t be home. It felt like a bit of an invasion of their privacy to be there. So she walked down the street to the little park and just sat on the swings. She’d go home in a bit and try to help pick up some of the pieces of whatever just happened. 

Later she could worry about everything. She just didn’t have the energy to go home and try to tiptoe around the two of them. It felt suffocating to do so. And honestly this felt safer, people lash out when they’re hurt. She didn’t need that right now. 

She just needed a second to breathe first. 


	9. Chapter 9

Momo almost laughed when she saw Mina not really interacting with the hairdresser who tried yet again to make some sort of conversation with the teen. Mina was quiet by nature, a lot like Sana was, and it was always amusing to see her actively try and dodge conversations she didn’t want to be a part of. Mina reminded Momo of Sana so much

The dentist, the doctors, and surprisingly enough the hairdressers all made Mina uncomfortable growing up. While Momo understood the first two, it was natural for any kid to be a bit uncomfortable at those places, her dislike for getting her haircut was a bit confusing to her. Even from the very first time Momo ever saw Mina, she was glaring at the hairdresser as she tried to cut the then kindergartener’s hair. Momo actually started trimming her hair for a bit, maintaining the bangs that Mina had for years and years. 

Her theory was that Mina just didn’t like people she didn’t know all up in her space, especially with things that were scary like scissors. She was like that with people across the board, always a bit hesitant with anyone she didn’t know or Momo or Sana didn’t know. Still, it was funny to see an almost seventeen year old pouting and glaring at the hairdresser she asked to go to. 

Mina had clarified she wanted to just bleach her own hair at home, call it a day. But the memory of Hana’s bright orange hair from when they were teens prevented her from doing so. Neither of them had told Sana Mina was going blonde, there has been a lot of tension in the house the past few days. It was obvious Mina knew something was going on, if she knew everything or just a little was a bit up in the air though. But Mina had taken to trying to walk on eggshells around the two of them, especially Momo. The lawyer figured it was probably because she’s lost her cool with Mina before, but still they talked about it afterwards.

And Sana- oh Sana. She hadn’t even looked in her direction ever since their fight. But Momo expected that this was probably the worst she hurt her. She felt awful. They’ve been growing apart for so long now though, Momo hadn’t realized for a long time. It might have been the ten years of marriage, it might have just been them growing as people and growing apart while doing so. 

Whatever it was it scared the absolute shit out of Momo. 

She probably should have talked about it with Sana. After all the years of begging Sana to open up to her, to let her in, Momo turns around and does the same thing. But Sana always had a tendency to lash out when scared, and Momo approaching her and telling her she thinks something is wrong with them wouldn’t have ever gone over well with her. Sana loved too much, that was her problem. Because she gives so much, and Momo isn’t sure how exactly to give that much back without giving everything she is. Why was she so scared to do that? Momo didn’t know. 

A few months back she briefly considered seeing a therapist, just someone to talk to about the stress of work, motherhood, and just life. Sana took it as Momo crying out for help in the midst of some sort of silent mental health crisis, and promptly began to freak out trying to get Momo to talk and figure out what she was thinking. To be fair, Momo had never even considered going before, even when Mina and Sana would go multiple times a week, so the sudden change probably left Sana searching for answers. Losing Momo or Mina the same way she lost Eunha was one of Sana’s biggest fears, she had admitted that to her years ago. When Mina was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, Sana cried in the shower that night. Momo heard. They were proactive with Mina, and they tried their absolute best, and as far as Momo knew Mina was doing good, but that fear never left. So Momo decided against seeing someone, rationalizing she didn’t need it. 

That could have been a mistake. 

_ “I’m ready, I already paid.” _ Mina’s voice broke Momo out of her thoughts, making the woman jump and look up at the now very blonde Mina. 

It looked amazing. Momo couldn’t help but smile at the new long blonde locks that framed Mina’s face. 

_ “I told you I would pay.”  _ Momo frowned playfully. 

_ “It’s okay.”  _ Mina shrugged as Momo stood up and set the magazine she held in her hands down. They walked out of the salon before Mina suddenly stopped and turned to her in the middle of the parking lot, making Momo mildly afraid she was going to get hit by a car. “I don’t look stupid right?”

“What? No you look great. I really like it.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Mina was always so insecure. Even as a kid, she always needed validation, thinking she was hard to love. They always reassured her and made sure never to insult her or make fun of her. Really Momo couldn’t wrap her head around how parents could get away with speaking to their kids the way they did, while Mina was a kid she was still a person and deserved decent respect from both of them, in turn Mina was just a good kid. But still, Mina always had seemed to have it drilled into her head that she’s somehow less than, that she wasn’t smart, she wasn’t pretty, she was hard to love, and it was just difficult to see sometimes. Sure it could have been developed before she started living with them, but it’s been so long, couldn’t they have helped with that since then? Momo had no idea how to reverse all that now. 

Mina smiled at Momo’s reassurance, holding out her pinky to which Momo wrapped her own and shook. Somethings would never change. Momo wrapped an arm around the younger as they walked through the parking lot, “Do you want to get something to eat?”

“What about Mom?”

“We can just call her and see if she wants us to pick her up something.” Momo suggested, “We haven’t been able to hang out lately.”

“Well of course, you’re never home.” There was something a bit accusatory in Mina’s voice that took her a bit off guard as she let go of her and entered the driver’s side of the car. Was Mina mad at her too? It wasn’t that Momo meant to be at work a lot, she just had a lot of work to do. 

“Well I got a promotion, I have more cases now.” Momo hummed, putting her keys into the ignition. Which was true. She had stepped down from her position years ago, needing to reduce her hours to take care of Mina, but had only been able to reclaim it when she entered highschool before being promoted to the second highest position in the firm last year. 

“I know you and Mom are fighting.” 

“..you do?”

“I overheard you guys the other night.”

Fuck. That wasn’t good. “Oh, I thought you were over Yeri’s.”

“I came home early.” Mina hummed, taking her phone out and tapping through it. The phone started ringing before Momo could say anything, Mina holding it up until it stopped ringing. 

_ “Hello?” _

“Hey, Momma and I are getting food. Do you want something?”

_ “No, that’s okay, I’m over Auntie’s Nayeon right now. We’re having some wine and dinner.” _

“Okay. Are you staying there tonight?”

_ “I don’t know,” _ Sana’s voice dropped to a whisper,  _ “Is your mom in a good mood? I don’t want to make her mad again.” _

“No we are having a good time She’s in a good mood,” Mina smiled, “I know you guys are fighting, you should just come home.”

_ “I don’t know kiddo. We need to talk it all out. But don’t worry about that okay? Just have fun with Momma tonight, I don’t want you worrying about us.”  _

“But-“

_ “Okay I’m going now. Love you.” _

“Love you too.” Mina hung up the phone, putting it down in her lap and looked out the window. 

Was she...mad at her? Well, if she heard everything that probably didn’t put Momo in a good light. She was just frustrated and tired, Sana wasn’t completely innocent in all this either. She had been pushing and pushing this move, but they both knew what it really was; Sana trying to do something to save their marriage. 

Momo tapped her thumbs on the steering wheel fighting the urge to look over at Mina. She sighed, “What’s the matter.”

“Nothing.”

“You’re being quiet.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Again?” That set off little red flags in Momo’s head, Mina hadn’t been sleeping well lately. She was going to have to keep a closer eye on her. 

“I got a job offer in Busan. Sana wanted us to go, and I rejected the offer so we could stay here. She sent me realtors even after I said no, and that’s why we fought yesterday.” Mina wasn’t a baby anymore, she could handle what was going on. Sana hated telling Mina when they were having problems, and really Mina was just on a need to know basis. This felt like something that fell into that category. 

She could feel Mina look at her, “You want to get divorced because of  _ that _ ?”

“No,no,no.” Momo shook her head. Mina was just as dense as Sana was. “I don’t want a divorce. We just- We’re having some problems.”

“Like what?”

“We’ve just drifted apart.” Momo shrugged, “It happens.”

“It’s it the baby thing?”

“Oh my god, it’s not that. Your mom always brings that up when we argue. She thinks I’m much more hurt by it than I am.”

“Well you guys just gave up.” Mina mused, “It was all a bit sudden. She’s probably confused because you just stopped wanting more kids all of a sudden and never talked about it. I just think she’s afraid you resent her.”

“No. I mean did I want a big family, yes. But I have you, I have your Mom, I’m okay with that. I love you two so much.” Had they not talked about this before? Momo couldn’t remember. 

They decided when Mina was eight that they were ready for another kid. Surprisingly enough it was Sana who brought it up, saying she thought her and Mina were ready for a new member of their family. They discussed in length what they wanted to do; Momo wanted to carry, Sana did  _ not. _ She made it clear that wasn’t really something she wanted to do, describing it as a parasite that would live in her body. But adding another addition to the Hirai clan just felt natural, financially they were capable of doing so, Mina was still kinda young, and both her and Sana just wanted a big family. 

So they started the process, doctors appointments and insemination using the clinic that Nayeon and Jeongyeon had recommended. They bought baby clothes, a crib, and even brought Mina to a few classes in preparation. It was going to be an adjustment for her, they knew, they were trying to make that transition as easy as possible. They were ready, they told Momo’s parents they started trying which in itself had to have been one of the funniest things. For some reason Sana was so nervous to tell them and literally threw up before walking back out and announcing what was going on. They were just happy, it was all going good. 

Sure the first round fell through. Then the second. And the third. There was just something off about it all. Nayeon had told her they had trouble in the beginning too, and they just had to be patient. But Sana wanted to make sure everything was alright, so they trudged back to the doctors and found out that Momo couldn’t carry. It didn’t sink in until the car ride home, where they were just silent. Nayeon was watching Mina, so it was just the two of them. And Sana offered to try. The person who had no interest offering because she knew how crushed Momo was. 

Maybe that was where the cracks started to form, when Momo realized just how deeply Sana loved her. It scared her. 

They gave up after that. Sana brought up fostering or adopting, but Momo didn’t know if that was right for them. Sure they did it before, but Mina had issues. And as much as Momo loved Mina and thought she was a great kid, she was difficult to raise sometimes. Fostering a kid who could have problems, either adding onto what they already had to deal with in Mina’s case or triggering Mina back in progress was a very real possibility. At that point she still would cry in the middle of the night and climb into bed with them, or randomly tell Momo things that made her stomach churn in anger. While they felt like Mina was ready for a sibling, someone with a similar background to her was probably something she wasn’t. Especially if she hadn’t worked through her own trauma first. And adopting was difficult. They got lucky with Mina, but Momo knew that if they were to adopt it would be a long and painful process. 

So they just gave up. The three of them were enough. It didn’t feel empty or that something was missing, it was just Momo, Sana, and Mina. Mina was probably right, Sana was probably worried that Momo resented her for that fact because she didn’t try harder. But Momo was happy and content. She wondered if Sana actually wasn’t the one who felt that. 

Finally arriving at the restaurant, she parked and looked over at Mina with a soft smile, “We’re going to be okay.”

“What if you took her on a trip?” Mina hummed, unbuckling herself and getting out of the car. “Just the two of you so you can find the spark or whatever you call it.”

That actually wasn’t a bad idea. “Where?”

“Didn’t she say she wanted to go to Hawaii?” Mina opened the door for her as they entered the restaurant. “Maybe the two of you can go on a trip around Christmas time.”

“You don’t want to come?”

“I do. But I think you two should go alone. I’ll stay over Nayeon’s or Joohyun’s.”

Joohyun- that woman absolutely adored Mina. She probably would say yes in a heartbeat. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good.”

They made their way to a booth, and Momo could finally get a good look at Mina. Maybe it was the blonde hair, but she just looked paper than usual, like she was getting sick. Mina had a pretty weak immune system so maybe, but she didn’t say anything so Momo just left it alone. 

Mina either wasn’t mad at Momo anymore, or she was just ignoring it for right now. Quite frankly Momo didn’t care which one it was, she just wanted to spend time with her. Between dance, soccer, school, work, and Momo’s own job the only time the two of them usually got to spend time together was in the mornings. It just made Momo anxious that she was missing out on time she had with Mina before she grew up too much and was leaving the house. 

Oh god Mina was an adult in two years. She was going to be an empty nester in less than three. 

While Mina and Sana may be soulmates in a way Momo couldn’t understand, Mina was her baby. And while she wasn’t exactly what she expected in life, she never regretted it for a second, because she knew she came into Mina’s life at a time where she really needed her. They ordered their food and go to eating, Momo keeping an eye on how much Mina was eating even shoveling some of her own fries onto the younger’s plate. Mina was still a bit on the smaller side, Momo knew she had a few more inches in her. Tzuyu was already about Sana’s height, so Mina shouldn’t be too far behind. 

“Mom’s gonna freak out when she sees my hair, isn’t she.”

“Of course.” Momo giggled. “She’ll get over it.”

“Do you ever want to do anything with yours again? You’ve been black for a few years now. I miss your blonde hair.”

“No, I think I’m going to keep the black for now. We should convince Sana to do something.”

“Like blonde.”

“I was thinking ginger.” 

Mina barked out with laughter at that, making Momo smile and sip her drink as well. 

Everything could be alright. 

At least she hoped so. 

Momo was still holding on. (For now)

  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Mina didn’t expect Tzuyu to spit her orange juice out the moment she saw her. Like literally spit it out all over the floor, as she stared wide eyed at the newly blonde Mina. She just happened to turn around mid sip, when Mina approached the group, iced coffee in hand and grey hoodie on having just been dropped off by Momo a few moments prior. 

Normally Lucas would have driven her, they had a very polished system. He’d drive between Tzuyu and Mina’s houses, honking until the two of them got out and they’d go to school together. But this morning getting up just felt so difficult, even if Momo was pounding on her door every five minutes until the woman eventually let herself in and pulled the blankets off of her. It was probably the new hair, but Mina just didn’t feel good about going to school or even up in general. She had to do the whole day of school, then soccer practice before rushing to dance, before having dinner at Tzuyu’s. Not to mention she had work the next three days, it just felt like a lot. She didn’t tell Momo that tho, instead accepting her offer for a ride and coffee because Momo didn’t want to make a whole pot for just her. 

Mina could hear the subtle way Momo’s voice cracked as she said that, even if the woman tried to look like she was fine by picking up some clothes Mina had just tossed onto the floor. Sana just needed to come home. She needed to talk to her, but how was she supposed to do that if Sana was insistent on running away. 

Either way, she was still there, and her friend group just stared at her as she approached, making her immediately self conscious. The urge to pull up the hood of her grey zip up sweatshirt was getting hard to resist, looking down to avoid their slack jawed expressions. “What?”

Tzuyu coughed, seemingly bringing the other back to reality as the shocked expression melted off their faces and was replaced by a sudden realization about what just happened as Sooyoung patted Tzuyu on the back and Yeri laughed. Tzuyu eventually caught her breath and looked up at her, face red, “Blonde.”

“..yeah.”

“Tzuyu what the fuck,” Yeri laughed, punching her playfully on the shoulder. For a second Mina thought Yeri was going to step forward to ruffle her hair just like she would have if it was anyone else, but her hand simply twitched and she smiled at Mina, “What happened?”

“I dyed my hair.” That part felt kind of obvious already. They nodded, giving her a look. 

“We see that.”

“Why?”

“I just wanted to.” Mina shrugged, adjusting her backpack as she started her way down the hallway with them. She could feel people looking at her, it made her skin crawl and palms sweaty. 

“I think it looks nice,” Lucas offered, smiling over at her. 

It was a bit strange, even after all this time they never were as tough on Mina as they were each other. Sooyoung and Yeri practically fist fought everyday in elementary school, usually dragging Lucas and a very reluctant Tzuyu into the mix. But never Mina. When she was younger she thought they didn’t want to be her friend, that realization had her running home in tears sobbing to Nayeon who almost called the kids parents to yell at them. As time went by, the realization that it was actually because they understood how Mina worked set in. It wasn’t so much that they didn’t want to be her friend, they just knew and respected her boundaries. 

Yeri was basically her attack chihuahua for most of her childhood, egging the other two in with her. Tzuyu was always there for her, but she was different. They were protective, kind, and understanding. 

Mina hated it. 

In the back of her mind she knew she should probably be grateful for them. But she just wanted to feel normal, not something people had to handle with utmost delicacy or she’d shatter into thousands of little pieces. Sana and Momo were like that too, always tip toeing around her. That part of the reason she just stopped going to therapy. She was okay. She didn’t have to live her life like she was broken. She was fine. 

“I bet book girl’s head is going to explode.” Yeri smirked, turning around to give Mina a knowing look. 

“Book girl?”

“The one we met at the library?”

“Choerry?”

“Her.” Yeri hummed, “It’s so obvious that she has a  _ fat  _ crush on you.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m pretty sure Yuqi is friends with one of hers,” Lucas cut in, “We should get you too set up on a date!”

“No!” 

Everyone turned to Tzuyu, who looked a bit sheepish, “Mina said she didn’t like her.”

“So? She can learn to like her.” Lucas smirked, “Mina needs to go out there, live her life.”

“Right,” Sooyoung joined in, “Why unless you want to go on a date with Mina.”

“No, I’m not saying that.” That hurt. “I just don’t want you guys pushing her into things that make her uncomfortable.”

“She’ll have fun.” Lucas waved his hand, “Oh Yeri weren’t you saying something about new Japanese transfers.”

“Yeah!” 

How the fuck did this conversation even start? They walked to class, Lucas, Sooyoung, and Yeri blabbering away about the imaginary date they were gonna set Mina up on. If that was ever going to happen? Probably not. Tzuyu at some point took Mina’s soccer bag, tossing it over her own shoulder as she just smiled at her. 

(Tzuyu’s smile reminded Mina of summer rain, and it never failed to have butterflies flutter around her ribcage.)

━━━

  
  


The Son household was always so entertaining. Mina had spent a good chunk of her childhood there, playing pirates in their backyard, family dinners, helping Dahyun with her soap making hobby. Family nights curled up watching movies or playing with Tzuyu’s parents always made Mina smile, she didn’t mind snuggling into their sides or their constant need for hugs. 

Tzuyu’s house always felt like a paradise. 

As they got a bit older, the dynamic never changed. But Tzuyu’s height did. 

“Tzuyu can you get that for me please?” Dahyun hummed, smiling as Tzuyu stepped around her and effortlessly grabbed a ceramic bowl off the top shelf and set it down on the counter. Both her parents only reached the top of Tzuyu’s ears now, the youngest towering over them in a way that was just so hilarious to Mina. 

Mina herself had passed Dahyun and Chaeyoung last year. However she doubted she was going to grow much more, her height had been stagnant for a little more the six months now. Momo was always so concerned over her size, Mina thinks it has to do with her fear that Mina was malnourished. Mina had been malnourished before, the full meals Momo would cook every night certainly kept her from that. 

Still it was so funny to see the two smaller women constantly attend to their very tall baby, who usually pouted throughout it. The three of them worked in harmony, Tzuyu helping the two parents cook dinner as Mina just sat at the small bar connecting the kitchen to the dining room and worked on a bit of homework. She’d stop working every so often to look up at the three of them who just seemed to flow so well. 

This was probably her favorite Tzuyu, drowning in a hoodie that was a few sizes too big, a goofy smile on her lips as she listened to Chaeyoung blab on and on about something that happened at work, occasionally opening her mouth to eat something Dahyun would offer her. Tonight’s dish wasn’t anything all too special, just soup and...French fries? Chaeyoung had come home with a craving for them so the package went into the oven. 

“Mina here,” Dahyun hummed, holding a spoon out, which the soccer player gladly accepted, humming softly at the taste of the soup. Don’t tell Momo, but Dahyun’s cooking rivaled hers in the hierarchy of food in Mina’s mind. It went Momo > Dahyun > Nayeon > Joohyun > The Twin’s Imaginary food > Sana’s. 

Mina hummed in delight at the flavor, eyes widening as she looked back up at Dahyun who just had that knowing face, “That’s good.”

“It’s something new.” Chaeyoung mused, taking the pot of the burner and setting it on the warmer. It was still a bit early for food, they’d probably eat around five right before Mina had to go to work for six. She'd probably stop by home before she’d bike to work, just to sit with Momo as she ate so she wouldn’t have to be alone. 

“TzuTzu was asking us to make this for some time,” Dahyun reached up to pinch the youngest’s cheek, which she only whined and ducked out of the way. “You two can go hang out for a bit if you want, we’ll call you guys when it’s time to eat.”

Tzuyu hummed in agreement, so did Mina who quickly closed her textbook and tucked it under her arm. She was going to have to be alone with Tzuyu? That didn’t sound good. 

Tzuyu has been running through her thoughts constantly lately. Everything led back to her; her smell, her touch, her smile, her laugh. It made Mina’s face burn in shame, and guilt nip at her stomach. Tzuyu was her friend, and it felt weird to think about her in this way. 

Sure Tzuyu almost kissed her, but maybe Mina was just being irrational and clinging onto the first person who gave her even a sliver of attention. 

(Mina may deny it, but we all know she’s felt this way for much longer than just their day at the park.)

“When did you dye your hair?” Chaeyoung interrupted Mina’s thoughts, looking over at her with a fond smile. Maybe the blonde was a mistake, it was bringing a lot more attention than she originally intended. 

“The other day,” Mina shrugged, “My mom and I went out and did it together.”

“I like it, it suits you.” Chaeyoung lightly ruffled her hair, before handing her pencil back to her which Mina quickly tucked away. 

“Thanks.”

“I should go blonde again,” Chaeyoung turned to Dahyun who just rolled her eyes playfully, “What? You can go grey again and I’ll go blonde!”

“I’m thinking no.”

“Why?”

Tzuyu tugged on Mina’s arm, motioning up the stairs with her head. She’d spent enough time over here to know that this would just turn into the couple playfully bickering for the next half hour. She followed up the stairs, passing framed photos of Mina and Tzuyu throughout the years. 

Almost as soon as the door shut, Tzuyu flopped onto her bed letting out a tired huff. Mina followed suit, plopping on the left side of the bed she alway took whenever she slept over. It was the same side Sana used to leave open for her when she was little, which in itself was funny to Mina. Sana and Tzuyu were always pillars to her, a source of strength. 

As soon as Mina laid down, Tzuyu turned to her side looking over at her, “I really like your hair.”

“I know, you spat your orange juice everywhere.” 

She watched Tzuyu’s face turn to a light pink, the taller girl let out a little whine and playfully hit Mina on the shoulder, “I was shocked.”

“I could tell.” Mina giggled. 

“It wasn’t just me, people were talking about you all day.”

“They were?”

“Yeah,” Tzuyu hummed rolling back onto her back, “Be prepared to have a few people ask you out tomorrow.”

There was a sour tone in Tzuyu’s voice that made Mina’s eyebrow raise. 

“You don’t sound too happy about that.”

“No I am,” Tzuyu shrugged it off, “I heard some sophomore talk about it in the hall, apparently one of them has had a crush on you for a while.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? Have you seen yourself?” Tzuyu looked over at her a bit shocked, “Everyone has a crush on you.”

“Even you?”

For the second time in the day, Tzuyu choked immediately sitting up and sputtering for breath. Mina frowned, damn, Tzuyu could have been nice about it. She was probably just playing with her anyways. She stood up to grab a water bottle off of Tzuyu’s desk and handed it to her. Tzuyu accepted it quickly, taking a sip and calming herself. 

She suddenly snapped her fingers, making Mina flinch a bit from the sudden movement, “Didn’t you have something to talk to me about?”

Oh yeah. That. Should she even tell her? Tzuyu knew everything about her, so much so it was a little scary, so why did Mina want to hold onto this information so badly? It wasn’t like Tzuyu would judge her, she wasn’t like that. And she usually had good advice. She looked back down at Tzuyu’s patient eyes before signing. 

“I met up with my mom.” 

Those five words felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off of her shoulders. She looked over at Tzuyu who’s brows were furrowed in confusion and disapproval, and that relief was only temporary as the weight came crashing back down onto her shoulders, crushing her. 

“You’re real mom?” Tzuyu didn’t sound as excited as Mina thought she’d be. Wasn’t she the one that brought this up on the first day? 

“Yeah.” Mina hummed, “We had pizza the other day and talked. She’s moving back to Japan.”

“Do your moms know?”

“No, I didn’t tell them.”

Tzuyu went quiet for a minute, Mina didn’t like that very much. She sighed, “I don’t like this.”

“Huh?”

“Mina, she’s dangerous.” Tzuyu played with the fabric of her comforter between her fingers, “I mean obviously you know that.”

“She’s my  _ mom. _ She needs my help.”

Tzuyu went quiet, in a way that unsettled Mina greatly. She gripped onto the blankets on her bed, shaking her head, her lips curling into a frown that Mina didn’t like one bit. Tzuyu was trying to pick her words carefully, a skill she has had as long as Mina could remember, and that’s when Mina knew there was no way Tzuyu was going to support her in this. She sighed, rubbing her face before looking back up at Mina, “I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I don’t think she’d hit me or-“

“I mean emotionally.” Tzuyu frowned, “You always spend so much time worrying about your physical safety, when do you take care of everything else?”

“I’m good with all that type of stuff. You know that, that’s why I stopped all the treatment.”

“You stopped because you insisted you were okay.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Were you telling the truth? Or did you just want to pretend everything was okay.”

“Woah why are you getting all up on my case.” Mina crossed her arms around herself. If Mina didn’t want to go to therapy anymore what was it any business to Tzuyu? There was no way she could squeeze it between soccer, dance, and work, plus she didn’t need it anymore. 

“I’m not.” Tzuyu took another sip of the water bottle, “I just get nervous when you start to get reckless.”

“I’m not being reckless.”

“You met up with your mom, without telling anyone. What if she kidnapped you or something.”

“Tzuyu, you should have seen her. She wasn’t like that.” Mina dug into her pocket and pulled out the small chip, “Look she gave this to me, this is her ten year sober chip.”

“It’s just a piece of metal. What if she isn’t telling you the truth. Why is she even here? Shouldn’t they have sent her back?”

“She said something fell through.”

“Mina that sounds so fishy.” Tzuyu stressed, eyeing the chip that Mina twirled between her fingers, “So what she has a job now?”

“Yeah, and- I’m gonna give her some money so she can go back.”

“You’re giving her money?!” Tzuyu blinked, standing up, “Mina don’t do that.”

“She needs help.”

“No because she’s going to turn around and spend it right on drugs again.”

“I don’t think she’s going to do that. She’s okay.”

“You don’t-“

“I remember what she looks like when she’s using! She’s not using!” Even Mina was a bit taken aback by how defensive she sounded. 

They fell into a bout of quiet before Tzuyu just nodded and sighed, “This is a bad idea. But I’m not going to be able to change your mind, am I?” 

“No.” Mina shook her head, “but you can’t tell anyone.”

Tzuyu shook her head, eyeing her hair once again, “Is that why you dyed your hair?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been kinda off lately, is the hair just a coping thing?”

“I’m not coping, I literally just met up with her. Nothing happened.”

“Mina, you never really got over everything.” 

“Girls it’s time to eat!” Chaeyoung’s voice filtered through the closed door, perfect timing. Mina just tightened the grip on her bag. 

“I think I’m gonna go eat with my Mom, plus I need to shower before work.”

“Text me later.”

And just like that Mina slipped out of the Son household, Tzuyu could deal with explaining why Mina wasn’t staying for dinner. She didn’t even want to think about, well was that an argument? Tzuyu and her never really argued, so maybe she’d just call that a disagreement. 

“ _ Hello _ ?” Momo’s voice called out as she took off her shoes, an unspoken question lingering in the air as Mina walked down the hall and into the dining room seeing Momo working with her laptop propped up and paper sprawled out. 

(They both pretended like they didn’t know Momo was a bit disappointed that it was Mina.)

“Did you eat yet?” Mina hummed setting her school bag down on the ground, frowning when Momo shook her head. 

“I was just going to have cereal, no point in making a meal if it’s just me.”

“Mom hasn’t come home yet?”

“I’ll call her tonight.” Momo gave her a tight lipped smile, “Do you want a ride to work?”

“No, I was just coming to keep you company during dinner.” Mina walked into the kitchen, taking a box of Mac and cheese out of the cabinet and held it up, “Does this sound good?”

For the first time in a while Momo gave her a genuine smile, the kind where her eyes would scrunch up and her lips would curl into something so incredibly happy. She cleared her throat and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Okay I’ll make some, I don’t have to leave for a bit.” 

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

“Why do we need to do this again?”

“Because Aunty Sana has a house to go home to, she needs to stop sleeping on our couch.”

“But I like having Auntie Sana over, and she didn’t sleep here yesterday, she slept in her car at work. Remember you yelled at her?”

“I like Auntie Sana too.”

“You know what, I'm just going to do it myself.”

And that’s how Sana woke up from her accidental nap on the couch to a full cup of cold water to the face. She bolted up, sputtering as the water got into her ear and nose, glaring at a proud looking Nayeon who just set the now empty cup down on the dark grey side table. “Nayeon what the fuck.”

“It’s nearly five, you’ve been sleeping for two hours.” Nayeon responded nonchalantly. Uh, of course she was sleeping, she got called to a scene at some absurd hour last night and Nayeon knew that. 

“Okay?”

“You need to go home.” Nayeon shook her head, motioning to her laid out figure on the couch. Then she started to pick up a few toys that were just discarded on the floor. “I love you, but I cannot enable your flight reaction any longer.”

That was fair. Sana had really just been too afraid to go home because of the nagging in the back of her head that she was going to return to divorce papers or Momo just being gone. And she needed time to clear her head. 

Sana just groaned and laid her head back down, covering her eyes with her arm. 

“Mina texted me and said Momo was home sick.”

That peaked Sana’s interest a bit, she opened one eye and looked over at Nayeon, “What?”

“Yeah, maybe you should just go home and take care of her.” Nayeon paused before adding on, “So you won’t eat my chips again.”

“I’m sorry I was hungry.”

“I don’t care.” Nayeon put her hands on her hips, which Hyunjin replicated the two of them looking at her sprawled out figure. “You’re just avoiding going home because you’re scared, and I get that. But I’m going to start giving you some tough love. You need it.”

Maybe Nayeon had a point. Sana trusted her enough not to be just throwing her out for the hell of it. That meant either Momo was really sick, or she was tired of watching Sana dance around something she didn’t want to address yet again. 

Ugh fine, she was going to have to stop being a little bitch. 

With a groan she sat up, cringing at the feeling of wet fabric sticking to her body. She picked up her bag pack and slung it over her shoulder. Nayeon gave her a reassuring smile, gently patted her on the shoulder, and pushed her out into the hall. Wow, what a great friend. 

That was Nayeon for you. 

The drive from Nayeon’s to her home was not nearly as long as she would have liked. And soon she was walking into their silent house, the dogs greeting her happily at the door. She squatted down to pet them, whispering a soft hello to them before standing up and looking around. Where was Momo? She better not have gone to work sick. The faint sound of a TV playing was muffled from upstairs. Oh that’s probably where she was. 

It felt weird to be back, it’s been nearly a week. She’d just been hurt and needed time to kick her wounds like a scared animal. She hated when she acted like that, but she knew how she handled things by now. Just- Momo didn’t love her anymore? She didn’t know? That hurt more than anything Sana had ever felt. 

She walked into the livingroom, plopping down on her old green couch. 

_ Where did it all go wrong? _

A large part of Sana blames herself. Maybe she just wasn’t open enough, didn’t communicate enough, she just wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t like she didn’t try her very best, and even Sana could tell she really improved over time. Her and Momo rarely argued about her refusal to open up, mostly because Sana just didn’t anymore. They were a team, and teams didn’t work if one person was just keeping secrets all the time. And maybe Sana just got tired of trying to keep it all together herself.

It was one tiny insignificant conversation, but Momo’s mother had sat her down, looked her in the eyes, and completely read her.  _ “You’ve had to be strong for a long time. Haven’t you?”  _ Sana hadn’t felt that exposed in a very long time, and looking back, she was completely accurate. Sana had just lived in survival mode for so long she was just so tired, angry, and scared. At some point she just didn’t want to feel like that anymore, didn’t want Mina to grow up with that version of Sana as her role model. So she got her shit together, got a system that worked for her in place, and finally started to become a person she could recongnize again. She wasn’t just a scared teenager crying over fucking granola bars in front of Nayeon with matted hair and a neckache from sleeping on a parkbench, she wasn’t just a grieving girlfriend who lost the person who was most important person in her life for six years, she wasn’t just someone who was lost or unworthy. 

She was Detective Hiari Sana, supervisor of Seoul’s fourth district's domestic violence unit, a wife to a beautiful woman, and mother of an amazing little girl. And while all that bad shit happened, she was more than that, it just took her a little while to understand that. Every step of that journey Momo was holding her hand, encouraging her. She was someone she was proud of, and most importantly her family could be proud of as well.

But still, was that just not enough?

Because it felt like as she got better, Momo just had to make sacrifice after sacrifice to make them happy, and somehow only seemed to be the bad guy every time something went wrong. Like Momo took a demotion, just so Mina could play soccer, attend dance classes, and she and Mina could work on school together. That was Momo’s career, and she just gave it up just for Mina and her. Momo and her were just different, they handled stress different and their personalities were different. 

Sana was reserved, shy, she just liked to go with the flow and see what happened. Momo wasn’t like that. While everyone always said Sana had a huge heart, it was always shown through affectionate looks and soft speech. Momo wasn’t like that, she was loud, a bit overbearing, for no other reason than just how much she loved them. Momo never learned how to hide how she felt like Sana did because she never had to. Momo didn’t grow up like Sana and Mina, she just didn’t get it sometimes.

God, she remembered how they argued after Momo scolded Mina one time, causing the then eight year old to hide in a closet for hours sobbing. Honestly she had no idea what Mina did, and to this day still can’t remember, all she knew is she came home to Momo sitting outside the closet in the hall gently trying to coax Mina out, even pulling on the handle to which Mina would start sobbing louder and try and hold it shut. She remembers Momo explaining what happened, and Sana opening the closet and calmed down a panicked Mina. Really that must have been one of their worse fights, they had argued for an hour after Mina passed out from exhaustion. But looking back at it, Momo didn’t even do anything particularly bad, it was Mina who had a tendency to panic when people got angry at her. 

Did Momo just feel unappreciated? Did she feel like Sana wasn’t doing enough? By focusing on her and trying to get her life together, did she push Momo away and ruin them? 

Sana paused, looking at one of the various artworks they had framed around the house, the tucked away on a small bookshelf in the living room, it was sandwiched between a picture of Sana and Eunha sitting on a couch next to Nayeon and Jeongyeon, and a framed photo of Mina and Momo, the same one Sana showed Mizuko when she visited her that one time. The photo was of Grumpy, Ray, and Boo, and while Nayeon said it was “okay” it was one of Sana’s favorites. Mina had even won third place at their school art contest for it. Sure there were ‘better’ ones that Momo liked to show off, like the traditional japanese master copy of some sort of landscape, or the painting that looked suspiciously like Tzuyu in Momo’s study. But for some reason this one spoke to her, it was just their pets and Mina was like ten when she made it, but still. She picked up the frame, and let her fingers run over the glass separating her from the drawing. 

But things weren’t always bad, and that’s what confused her. Sana was just so incredibly happy for so many years, she couldn’t have been that happy if they were always like this. Because for every one bad thing Sana could think of she could name off five happy memories. She placed the frame back onto the shelf, looking at the various books that decorated the shelf. Detective Penguin Solves The Case. Sana chuckled at that. They must have had what, fourteen of those books? She wasn’t sure but it was a lot. Sleepy nights of watching through a crack in the door as Mina cuddled up to Momo and the latter read to her until her eyes would droop shut and Momo would have to figure out how to detach Mina’s body from clinging onto her. 

Sana chuckled, Mina always just wanted to be cuddled. She was always so particular about touch, she had always been like that. She didn’t like to be tickled, she didn’t like it when strangers like some of Momo’s coworkers would get too close, but she was really good at letting her boundaries known. Momo was always so good at listening to her, asking permission to hug her or things like that, and in turn that built a lot of trust not only between them but Sana as well. Thinking back to it, after a certain point there were just years that passed that Mina couldn’t go without being hugged or just having her hand held. As she got older she wasn’t as into it as she was when she was a kid, but if she was particularly anxious about something all Sana had to do was just hold her hand and she would relax a bit. 

That trust really was the basis of their family. Sana’s eyes shift to a framed photo of Mina smiling up at the camera in her oversized shark costume, and a grumpy looking Sana standing next to her wearing that godforsaken crab hat. 

Mina had her moments when she was vulnerable. Sana remembers walking into her room when she was little just to find her curled up with her knees to chest sobbing, screaming before all but throwing herself into Sana’s arms. And the nightmares- they were bad. Especially as Mina got older and stronger, when she’d wake up in a panic became a danger not only to Momo and Sana, but to herself as well. They were going to have good days and bad days, and Sana got that. They took those days in stride and made sure to double down on what they knew. 

But for the most part Mina was just a normal happy kid. She liked to play soccer, with her dogs, she loved dancing and drawing. She’d get hyper and run around with her friends, before coming home and demanding cuddles. While they still had to be cautious of some things, Mina was fine, she was happy, she was loved. 

They went to Japan a few times. The first time was the best, watching Mina’s head practically explode when she realized there was a whole country full of people that spoke her  _ mommy language.  _ She would talk to anyone she could, on the bus, in restaurants, anywhere. The second time they dressed Mina up in a kimono for the first time, which Mina didn’t exactly enjoy but Sana and Momo did. 

Honestly Sana didn’t know too much about Japan. She was so little when she moved and her parents weren’t really around enough to teach her a lot of the legends and traditions. Hell she didn’t even know how to write, but lucky for them Momo did. She was able to teach Mina a bit about where she came from and her heritage. (And Sana too.)

Mina had her first recital when she was six, and Sana hadn’t missed one since. Always being present with a bouquet of flowers and a hug ready to tell Mina how good she did. Sometimes Mina would come out smiling and excited, sometimes she’d come out near tears because she messed up. Either way, Sana was there. Soccer games were much like that as well, in all Mina’s years of playing Sana missed maybe two games because she was called to a scene. She just wanted to be present for Mina’s events, something she wanted so desperately when she was Mina’s age. 

And Momo, she was perfect. A few times Sana was afraid she had competition as Mina’s favorite person in the world. Tzuyu and Ray were enough, she didn’t need to add Momo on to that list as well. But Sana had lost track of the amount of times she had come home to Mina asleep on Momo’s chest while they watched some Disney movie.

She was Mina’s protector. Like the one time a teacher called Mina stupid and Mina came home crying. She didn’t hear exactly what happened at first because she was at work, but when she got home to learn that Mina had told her what happened and Momo immediately drove to the school just to yell at the teacher in front of the entire staff. Mina had to transfer out of his class, but in the end it worked it out. 

Those two were always up to something, either playing with Mina’s unnecessarily large collection of toys or cooking together in the kitchen. They were a team. It took a while for Sana to get comfortable with a mother daughter relationship, but as soon as she did she’s never looked back. 

This was  _ her _ family. And she was going to treat them well and do right by them. If that meant little things like bringing home dinner so Momo didn’t have to cook, or telling both of them how much she loved them all the time then she would. She couldn’t let them down like she had been, and she never would. 

Momo just wanted a big family, she always did ever since they first met. Sana just wasn’t ready for a while, but then she was and things fell apart. Was that the start? Of course she imagined Momo would feel upset, that was just natural. Momo had wanted to carry for a very long time, and to know she’d never been able to? That was difficult. Momo tried to act like she was okay with it, but Sana could see how destroyed she was. 

She remembers just watching Momo the next morning stare into her cup of coffee, just this blank look on her face. She probably would have started crying if Mina didn’t run into the room, trying to reach the box of cereal she loved so much. Mina didn’t know, but she interrupted Momo’s quiet moment to just think and Sana wasn’t sure if she ever got that. 

And as much as she hated the thought of carrying, she offered. Momo just wouldn’t accept it. She knew that wasn’t what Sana wanted, and to make her do something like that to her body felt wrong. But Sana always just thought she resented her for that, that Sana couldn’t suck it up and sacrifice that for her. 

It still puzzled her to this day why Momo was just so resistant to adopting then. She always said Mina had problems they needed to work through first, but wasn’t she going to have problems either way?

They hadn’t talked about that in years though, and the thought of empty nesting in less than two years when Mina moved off to college was so scary. And a large part of Sana wanted to foster, give a home to kids that needed it. The system was a scary place, Sana knew that, and she knew what it felt like to be tossed around and scared. Eunha had always wanted to foster, in some ways she figures Mina was a final gift from her.

But that was a topic for a different day. 

Her and Momo hadn’t been intimate in months, either too busy or too tired. She just hadn’t felt close to her in a while, they barely even talked anymore. And Sana still had no clue what made them get to this point. She’d go over everything again and again trying to pinpoint the exact moment Momo slipped away from her. 

Sana sighed, looking up the stairs. She should probably check on Momo. With one final glance at the bookshelf she started making her way to their bedroom, one that Sana had basically redecorated with a prayer, five hundred dollars, and the power of YouTube. She gently opened the door, frowning when she saw Momo’s sleeping form under the mountain of blankets that she always insisted on sleeping with. As quietly as she could she peeled back the covers and slipped in. 

Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just the simple fact that ten years is a long time and people grow apart. 

Sana wrapped her arms around her, tucking her face into the back of Momo’s neck, feeling the older woman stir a bit. She felt a hand gently tap her side,  _ “Mina?” _

_ “It’s me.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “I heard you're not feeling good?”  _ Sana snaked a hand up to gently press it against Momo’s forehead, yeah, she was a bit warm. 

_ “Just a bit. I wanted to take care of it before it got worse.” _

_ “Go back to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”  _

It wasn’t an apology, it wasn’t a compromise. But it was enough. Momo intertwined her fingers with the hand that Sana had wrapped around her, and Sana could feel her grip slacken a bit and her breath slow down. Sana just laid small kisses on the back of her neck before she was sure Momo was asleep. 

Maybe it was just time. Maybe that’s where it fell apart. Sana wasn’t sure, and now wasn’t the time to find out. She let her thumb rub against Momo’s knuckles, breathing in Momo’s cherry blossom scented shampoo. 

She just needed to figure out how to fix what fell apart. 

“I love you.” Momo whispered, taking her off guard, “Please don’t leave again.”

“I’m right here. Don’t worry.”

“I always worry.”

Sana didn’t respond to that, instead just pressed her forehead to Momo’s back and stroked her hair. 

  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

“MOMO WHAT HAPPENED TO HER HAIR?!” 

Sana was home, her presence was always surprisingly loud. She always hated the quiet, so she’d fill it with music or podcasts, or even quiet conversations with the dogs (and Grumpy too, he was her favorite). Countless mornings had Mina woken up to the sound of power tools as Sana worked on yet another project around the house, or vacuuming criminally early. It was always amusing that someone as relaxed and shy as Sana would generate so much noise. 

Usually it was comforting, even if Mina couldn’t see her, she’d hear her move around the house. It was a reassurance that Sana was still there, still  _ Sana  _ in the way Mina knew and loved. The past week felt weird without her, like Mina was walking through an abandoned ghost town. Everything was the same, it just felt infinitely more  _ empty _ .

Sometimes Sana would just disappear, but at most it was for a day. If it was work related she’d give her a text or a call and let her know, if it was after a fight she’d still text her. But a full week without contact? For what? Even if she was mad at Momo, what did Mina do? Why was she being punished too? 

A large part of her just wanted to be angry at Sana and call it a day. But the second she saw her sitting on the couch, cup of hot chocolate in hand, petting Grumpy who was laid out in her lap, it melted away into a dull annoyance. She hadn’t seen them last night, mostly because she came home kinda late and the door to their bedroom was closed. Did they talk? Mina couldn’t be sure. 

But never once did Mina worry. Sana wouldn’t leave her behind. Ever.

Her master plan worked though. One text to Nayeon was all she knew it was going to take for her to banish the detective, especially if Momo wasn’t feeling good just like she was when Mina left for school. 

Still, Mina may have overlooked the fact that Sana had not been aware of the new addition to her appearance. And as soon as Sana looked up, her jaw dropped and she locked her gaze on Mina’s hair. 

Right. 

“We had a girls day.” Momo called back from upstairs, she stuck her head out into the hallway, “Doesn’t it look nice?”

“Yes-“ Sana frowned, “But- you look too grown up now.”

“Sana, lay off her. It looks good. You look great pengie!”

Oh god not that nickname. Mina suppressed an annoyed sigh as Sana kicked Grumpy off of her lap and practically bolted off the sofa to wrap her up in her arms. She let Sana press her head to her shoulder as Sana stroked her hair, “You need to stop growing. Stay little forever please.”

She just chuckled softly at that, Sana always said things like that. The thing was Mina was never too sure how serious Sana was about that. Growing up it was comforting to see that Sana was as anxious about change as Mina herself was, and while Sana tried to hide it from her trying to work towards having Mina accept change around her, Mina could still see it. It wasn’t so much that she wanted someone else to feel that way, but that it showed her that it was normal for some people to have a bit more apprehension than others. 

“I just wanted to try it.”

“I know.” Sana hummed, “Want to play some Mario Kart with me tonight?”

That was Sana’s way of apologizing without saying sorry.

“Yeah, I call Yoshi.” 

That was Mina’s way of accepting it. 

Sana groaned, Yoshi was her favorite character. It was always so funny, one time Momo and her caught the detective in the kitchen going,  _ “Yoshi!”  _ and while they both agreed to leave it alone and not bring it up, Sana did get just a bit too excited at the Yoshi collectable figure that Mina bought her last christmas. When Sana finally let go, she sat back down on the couch, Grumpy almost immediately jumping onto her lap once again looking up at her expectantly. She started petting him almost as if it was second nature, his purrs filling up the living room. Boo was laid out sleeping next to her on the couch, seemingly unaffected by all the noise, just stretching out a bit and then stilling once again. The last time Mina saw Ray he was dozing in the kitchen in a small pool of sunlight, to be fair even if he came into the livingroom Mina wasn’t sure he’d be able to jump up onto the couch. 

“Are you heading out?” Momo called down the stairs once again, “Do you want a ride?”

“No, I’m just going to ride my bike over Sooyoung’s.” Mina called back. Lying was never her best attribute, and how Momo didn’t see right through her was astounding to her. Sure Mina wasn’t always truthful, like if either of her parents knew how often she snuck out they’d be very angry, but this felt different. She was lying straight to their faces, that was something she never felt okay doing. 

This wasn’t going to be a long meetup, not like her and her birth mother’s first meetup. Mina just needed to give her a bit of money, and then Mizuko had to go to work. Really this was far from her original plan, she just wanted to physically buy the plane ticket because she didn’t trust the woman with money- but Mizuko had convinced her otherwise over the phone a few days prior. She almost called Tzuyu to try and figure out what she should do, but Tzuyu and her weren’t even on great terms. 

So she was left to make her own decisions, and sometimes Mina made very stupid ones. 

At sixteen years old, Mina thought she knew everything. Years down the line she would look back at this moment and cringe, but in this moment she felt like she was invincible. That she knew best, and that she knew what was best for her. She didn’t second guess as she hopped on her bike and rode down town to the park near the police station, didn’t second guess jumping off of it when she saw the older woman sitting idly on a park bench. 

Really since their first meeting they hadn’t talked all too much, but Mina has thought about it a lot more than she would have liked. Replaying over and over what she thought she got over as a kid, little memories creeping up and nipping away at her gently at first but harder over time. Tzuyu might have had a point when she expressed her disapproval, that she really may have not gotten over everything. But that was okay, right?

_ “Mina!”  _ Mizuko waved her over, smiling. Mina let her eyes flutter over her appearance, she was wearing the same outfit that she wore to the last time they met up. Did she just not have any others? Maybe Mina should buy her something for the next time they met up, if they met up again.  _ “Wow, your hair looks better in person. I saw the post you made with it.” _

Damn did the world revolve around her hair? She smiled, nodding her head as she sat down next to her.  _ “Yeah, I like it. But I don’t know how long I’m going to keep it for.” _

_ “I think you should go pink next, that would look very good on you.”  _

_ “I’ll think about it.” _

“ _ I got you something. _ ” Mizuko smiled, reaching into her backpack suddenly. There was something just off about her, she seemed skinnier than the last time Mina had saw her. Mina couldn’t exactly put her finger on it, but there was  _ something.  _ Mizuko pulled out a small white stuffed bunny, smiling over at Mina,  _ “Do you remember the bunny you used to have?” _

_ “No.”  _ Really the only toy she remembers from back then was a small stuffed dog she got from the prize box in kindergarten, and Peng. The poor penguin had various small stitches from where Sana had tried to stitch him up after Boo had gotten a hold of him and bit and tossed him around. He still lived on a shelf in Mina’s room, coming down whenever Mina needed just a bit more comfort. 

Mizuko frowned,  _ “But it got sent to your house?” _

_ “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” _

_ “I had some of your baby stuff sent to the detective. I didn’t have anyone else to give it to.”  _ Mizuko almost looked angry at that? Mina had no idea that Sana ever got that? But then again, how Sana just had a baby photo of Sana that she somehow magically put into her wallet along with a photo of a smiling nine year old Mina petting a dolphin didn’t just appear out of nowhere. She could ask Sana about it later. But Mizuko just couldn’t seem to let it go, squeezing the bunny between her fingers.  _ “They never talked to you about me?” _

_ “No we did. Sometimes.” _

_ “What? Did they make you hate me?” _

_ “They didn’t have to do that.”  _ The implication of that statement wasn’t lost on either of them. 

_ “I got you a little stuffed bunny when you were born. It was so cute, it was the same size as you. And you brought it over here too, you couldn’t ever not have it with you.”  _ You know what? Maybe Mina did remember having that bunny, the one with droopy ears and a green silk bow. She remembers clutching on to it as it was ripped out of her hands, remembers holding it against her shaking body and a thin white door shutting. The sudden rush of memories threatened to leave Mina breathless, her heartbeat picking up suddenly. Mizuko didn’t seem to notice.  _ “I thought she would at least show you that.” _

_ “She probably wanted to just keep it out of sight, out of mind.” _

_ “It’s a stuffed animal.”  _

_ “I actually am very uncomfortable right now.”  _ Usually that’s all she had to say, and Momo and Sana would immediately back off. They understood that she had her boundaries, and if a conversation started to steer off in a direction that made her feel anything other than safe and comfortable. Sometimes it was just random things, sometimes it was conversations about topics that Mina would much rather not have. 

_ “I don’t think I’m being ridiculous, she couldn’t even give you your bunny? That isn’t even bad.” _

_ “Mizuko please. Enough.” _

She went quiet. Before nodding, and released a sigh. It actually annoyed Mina a lot, how Sana and Momo could raise a child, taking over a job that was supposed to be hers and she felt offended over a stupid bunny? Mina took a glance at her phone, didn’t Mizuko say her shift was going to start soon?  _ “It’s six.”  _

Mizuko paused, before nodding,  _ “Do you have the money?” _

_ “I do.”  _ Mina bit her lip,  _ “I thought I was just going to buy the plane ticket for you, and help with the deposit.” _

_ “I know, I just need some money right now.”  _ Mizuko scratched the back of her neck,  _ “I just owe some friends some money, and I’m a little strapped for cash right now.” _

_ “Why do you owe them money?” _

_ “Just rent, I told you I live with friends right?” _

_ “Right, that’s why I can’t come over your house.”  _ Mizuko had completely shut Mina down the second Mina mentioned bringing food over Mizuko’s house and the two of them sharing a meal. Mina knew her address, Mizuko had sent it to her for emergency purposes, but made it clear Mina couldn’t come over. It wasn’t exactly a great part of town, so Mina understood. 

_ “Right, I just need a little money. Just the amount I told you. Just that. I promise.” _

Five hundred sounded like a lot more than just a little amount. Still, Mina reached into her pocket and pulled it out, gripping onto the bills before looking over at Mizuko. Hesitantly she handed it over, to which Mizuko accepted before pulling her into a hug. Mina stiffened. 

Mizuko let go after a few seconds,  _ “I gotta go. My shift starts soon, I love you.” _

_ “Bye.” _

She just watched her leave, it was just starting to get dark out, the streetlamps were turning on but she could still see. After a few moments, she looked down at the stuffed bunny in her hands. It  _ was  _ just a stuffed animal. Right? Maybe she was just being dramatic. She touched the ears of it, running her fingers through it’s soft fur. 

There was a saying she always heard, that if she were to forgive people and let go of anger she would feel a lot better. Sana once had scoffed at her when she said that, saying that no one was ever entitled to forgiveness especially if they hurt you. But still- Mina wondered if she were to let go of the anger and just forgive, would she feel okay? She looked up at the now small figure of her mother walking down the street. But could she? That was a different story. 

She stood up and grabbed her bike, starting to walk out of the park. But she spotted a familiar person hunched over at the edge of the small pond near the edge of the park. Choerry, but she just looked, upset? With a sigh Mina changed directions, walking over to the small pond.    
  
The girl’s head turned towards her when she heard her approach, twisting into a combination of confusion and disbelief. Mina was correct about her initial assumption that she was upset, her cheeks were a bit red and ruddy and her lips curled down into a frown. Mina motioned to the ducks that sat on the edge of the pond, eating the scraps of break that Choerry had thrown there. “I like the ducks.”

“Oh,” Choerry bit her lip and held out a piece of bread, “Do you want to feed them?”

  
“Sure.” Mina accepted it and sat down next to her, gently breaking off a piece of bread and tossed it to the ducks. She looked over to see Choerry lost in thought, mindlessly breaking the bread into tiny pieces. 

“Are you okay?” Mina was never great at these kinds of conversations, it was never her forte. Usually when someone was upset she’d hangaround awkwardly as the rest of her friends tried to handle it. But Choerry didn’t seem to mind, nodding slightly. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” She ran a hand through her hair, “I just had a fight with my Mom. So I came out here to calm down.”

“Oh.” Mina hummed, “Do you want me to leave then?”

“No it’s okay. You look upset too. Was it that woman? Who’s that, your mom?” Choerry mused.

“No. I’m adopted. She’s just someone.”

“Oh word. Actually I felt like I knew that. Someone told me your entire friend group was like that or something. I don’t know, it’s not really my business.”

Choerry couldn’t have known, but Mina was already agitated and that was really not the best thing to say to her. Any of her friends would have avoided saying something like that like the plague knowing Mina was going to mull over the fact people talked about her behind her back for the next few days at the very least. But still there was no judgement in Choerry’s voice. That made her feel a bit at ease. 

Thinking about it, Choerry had no idea who Mina was. She wasn’t going to treat her like she was made of porcelain. Mina found herself liking that idea. 

“Yeah. I don’t know if you’ve seen my moms yet.” Mina waited with baited breath for a reaction to that piece of information, instead Choerry’s lips curled up into a soft smile. 

“I haven’t. But I bet they are nice.”

“They are.”

“My parents are too, we just argue a lot.”

“About what?”

“They want me to be an engineer, but I suck at math.”

Mina giggled, “Me too.”

“What do you want to do?”

“For a job?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to work at the aquarium.”

“That’s it?” Choerry laughed, “So what do you want to do there? Be a vet?”

Mina had never put too much thought into what exactly she wanted to do at the aquarium all she knew is that she wanted to work there. The first time she ever went was one of the most special days in her life, and just the two of them walking around and Mina’s amazement of seeing all the different types of fish for the first time was something she probably wouldn’t forget. It was the first time Mina really felt safe, and every time they visited since brought those same emotions. 

Being a vet sounded nice though, is that what they called the ones that worked with fish? Taking care of various species, and maybe even a few sharks and penguins? That felt like a dream. 

“Maybe.” Mina shrugged. She turned to see Choerry staring at her, cheeks tinted red slightly. “What?”

“This is going to sound weird.” Choerry, rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding Mina’s eyes, “But um- would you maybe want to go out on Friday?” 

Huh? Mina paused. “What?”

“I was just wondering- I mean you’re not interested I get it-“

“Like a date?”

No one had ever asked her out before. Yeri always told her that people had crushes on her, that people would talk to her just to get closer to Mina. But never had they asked her. Lucas said it was because Mina was shy. Mina thought it was because they could tell she just wasn’t worth the trouble. 

But maybe this would be different? Wait why was she even considering this?

“Yeah.” 

Did Mina even like girls? I mean sure she thought Tzuy- some girls were cute, and she hadn’t ever been interested in boys the same way other kids were. But that didn’t make her gay right? Or was she not? It was confusing and hurt her head, so she just didn’t think about it. It was easier that way.

It wouldn’t hurt to just see what happens. Right?

“Okay. I’ll go.”

Choerry’s eyes immediately snapped up to hers, widening in shock. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Mina shrugged, almost giggling as Choerry suddenly tried to grab her phone from her back pocket, dropping it once before quickly picking it up and swiping through it. Her movements were fumbled and nervous, but it was kind of cute. Mina typed in her number and Choerry stood up staring at it for a second before snapping out of it.

“Okay, friday.” Choerry repeated, “I’ll text you.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow at school I think I’m going to head home.”

“Okay, goodnight!”

Mina barely made it out of the park before she had to stop pedaling and pull out her phone, typing out a message to the group chat, an excited smile on her face. 

**CIRCUS XD**

**MINARI**

_ Guys. Choerry just asked me out. _

_ [5:45PM] _

**KING LUCAS**

_ BOOK GIRL?!?!? _

_ [5:45PM] _

**WORM**

_ Who change my name to worm?! _

_ [5:45PM] _

**SOOYOUNG**

_ THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU YERI. OUR BABY HAS A DATE!!! _

_ [5:46PM] _

**KING LUCAS**

_ Bro come over my house, we gotta talk about this /1/?!?! _

_ [5:46PM] _

**WORM**

_ Pick me up then loser _

_ [5:47PM] _

**KING LUCAS**

_ No,, you’re not invited _

_ [5:47PM] _

**WORM**

_ You bitch _

_ [5:47PM] _

Mina held back a laugh when she placed her phone back into her pocket. She swung a leg over her bike and started to make her way back home, Sana did promise to play a round of Mario Kart with her after all. 

She made her way into her smile, blissfully unaware of how Tzuyu continued to reread Mina’s text over and over again, before she shut off her phone with a defeated sigh, looking over at the stuffed shark that has been sitting on her desk for the past year, a critical part of a scheme Tzuyu was always too scared to go through with. Unaware of how Tzuyu was cursing herself for her cowardness, before dialing someone else’s number. 

She stood but, biting her lip as she looked out the window and saw Mina close her front door. The other line picked up, “Hello?”

“Hey Elkie. It’s me. Remember what we were talking about the other night?”


	13. Chapter 13

Tzuyu was actually kinda starting to piss Mina off. 

Sure they had a little argument, but that wasn’t any excuse to ignore her. To be honest, Mina was getting sick of being ignored whenever people fought. It made her feel unimportant, unwanted, and that was scary. Especially if it was  _ Tzuyu  _ that was making her feel that way. Tzuyu hadn’t responded to any of her texts, which Mina maybe would be able to rationalize that she didn’t see them only if she hadn’t left her on read. But what hurt the most was Mina trying to go to talk to her when they arrived at school, and Tzuyu immediately walking away and starting to talk to Elkie. Almost as if Mina hadn’t existed. 

Then, Tzuyu proceeded to breathe down her neck throughout lunch, not so subtly looking over her shoulder as she texted Choerry throughout. Normally that wouldn’t bother her, but it just felt weird. And when Sooyoung of all people commented on Tzuyu’s behavior, she huffed and announced that she had something to do. 

Now Mina had no goddamn clue what the fuck her problem was, but Tzuyu needed to fix her attitude quickly. Because she wasn’t raised to take this type of behavior from anyone, not even Son Tzuyu. 

That’s why even after rehearsal had finished, Mina had decided to stay behind in the studio. She needed to sweat. She needed her limbs to ache and shake as she tried to push herself through a routine again and again. Luckily for her Hana had introduced herself into the most technically complex routine Mina had been introduced to yet, and she just hadn’t gotten it down just yet. Dancing, more specifically ballet, felt like a first love to her. Every class is almost like meeting up with an old friend for a cup of coffee, comforting and nostalgic. Sure Mina liked soccer, but she loved dancing. Soccer was just her ticket to a scholarship, there was no money in dance. 

Hana had complained to her throughout the years just how hard it was running a business as the two of them mopped floors after classes together. Mina really liked Hana, she was kind, she was patient, and she was professional. Three things Mina valued dearly. Sometimes when Hana was in a good mood she’d stay after and run over routines, others she’d just tell Mina to lock the door after she left. A few years ago Hana had to take a loan from Momo just to keep the doors open, of course Momo gave her even more than the amount she asked for, and Hana worked hard to give every penny of it back. 

She sighed, and started the music once again walking back in the center of the room. She got into position and closed her eyes, before opening them when her cue hit jumping into life. There was something that felt so free about dancing, so liberating. Sure there was a dull ache in her knee that had been steadily getting worse since her soccer game last week, but that wasn’t a cause of concern. Especially not as she was flying around the room, she almost didn’t even hear the door open. She just needed to feel numb, just for a few minutes to focus entirely on this, not on the odd ache that’s been eating at her lately, just needed to feel sore and accomplished. 

Then the music shut off, making Mina sigh and direct her gaze to where Hana had her finger on the pause button of the CD player. “I wasn’t finished.”

“Mina you’ve been at it for three hours now, you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t slow down.” Hana chastised, taking the CD out of the player and tucked it away into the sleeve it belonged in inside her giant binder of CDs. Well, Mina guessed she was done now. She flopped down onto the floor, breathing heavily. Hana just chuckled and held out a water bottle, which Mina quickly sat up and accepted as the older woman sat down next to her. 

Nayeon and Hana were different in almost every way. Nayeon was loud and overbearing, never pulling punches or backing down from giving Mina a dose of reality when she needed it. Mina loved Nayeon, and the two of them were very close with Mina going over their house often because of that. But Hana was quiet, and while they weren’t as close she was great at giving advice or just holding Mina when she needed someone and Momo wasn’t able to be there.

The first time Hana tried to babysit her was a disaster, Mina had cried for hours on end asking her to facetime Momo. Hana had been warned about Mina’s nearly crippling separation anxiety she developed when she started first grade, but she had underestimated just how bad it was. Just when Hana thought Mina would run out of tears, she’d start again newly invigorated. In hindsight, maybe having it over Hana’s apartment was a mistake, especially since her boyfriend at the time dropped by unannounced not knowing that was the day she needed to babysit and that seemed to set Mina off even more. Having class was one thing, but this was a whole different ballpark, and it deterred Hana from watching Mina for a long time, especially when Momo found out her ex had made an appearance and that sparked an argument between the two. But, as time passed Mina found herself being comfortable in Hana’s presence, sometimes even seeking it out. 

“Are your two idiots still fighting?” Hana hummed, “Momo hasn’t called me in a few days.”

“I don’t know.”

Hana frowned but let it go, taking Mina’s water bottle out of her hand and took a sip. Mina just rolled her eyes and let her. “So why are we trying to kill our body tonight? What’s going on in the world of Mina.”

Mina hesitated, what was going on in the world of Mina. These days things felt like a complete sensory overload, her mom, her parents, Tzuyu, school, it all started to whirl together completely indistinguishable from each other but just as frustrating. So Mina settled on something positive, “I was asked on a date.”

_ “Oh really?” _ Hana perked up at that, turning towards Mina with an excited grin,  _ “Is he handsome? Do you have pictures? How did he ask you out? Mina you have no idea how excited I am, finally I have someone to talk about this type of stuff with. I know your mom is, what the hell do they call it, star sticker? I don’t know the lesbian lingo, but anyways she doesn’t know this stuff. But don’t worry Auntie Hana will take care of it!” _

Mina paused, a sudden uneasiness churning in her stomach. 

_ “What is his name?” _

_ “Choerry.” _

_ “That’s a weird name- oh. OH.”  _ Hana stopped moving completely, before she let out a loud groan and flopped to the floor,  _ “Not you too.” _

Mina wasn’t sure how to take that reaction.

_ “Ugh I had so much hope, finally someone to talk to. But no, why must I be cursed like this? Who did I anger in my past life?”  _ Hana whined, before turning to Mina once again,  _ “Okay I’m good. Tell me about her, what’s her vibe?” _

Mina hadn’t really considered how others outside of her bubble would react to this moment. Sure she didn’t really mention it around Sooyoung, because she wasn’t exactly sure how she would react, but other than that she hadn’t worried about how others will perceive her. Mina laid down next to Hana, a soft smile on her lips, “She’s really nice.”

“Yeah?”

“We’ve been texting all night. She’s really funny.”

Hana grinned, “When’s your date?”

“Friday.”

“Noted. If you need to get a room at a motel or need  _ special things  _ you can use my card. I don’t mind.”

Mina turned bring red, “WHAT?”

“Mina relax, I want you to be safe-”

“We’re not doing that!” Wait, was Choerry going to be expecting that? Who hooked up on the first date?

“But in the future,” Hana shrugged, “I know your moms can be a bit aghhh about that type of stuff, but that’s why you have your cool Auntie Hana. If you need something just ask me, if your drunk and need a ride I can pick you up, need to sleepover because your moms are fighting, I don’t know- but you get the point.”

That wasn’t something Mina was ready for, or even wanted to entertain the thought of. However one day she may need to take Hana up on that ride offer if her friends kept dragging her out of the house as often as they did. She had heard whispers of a halloween party, and after her last hangover she had learned her lesson big time. Instead she relaxed, “We’re going mini golfing.”

  
  


…

“I hate it when you run away.” 

Sana looked up from her paperwork she had spread out across the kitchen table. Sure she could have finished it at work, but spending more time than necessary away from home just sounded like it was a horrible idea. Especially with the tension in the household. They could talk to each other no problem, but there was something heavy that hung over their heads threatening to snap and crush them both at any moment. 

A ceasefire- that’s what Sana liked to call this strange situation. Neither of them wanted to interrupt the current peace that they were enjoying. Sure it was tense, but it was better than an all out war. Sana’s heart still felt raw, the broken bits of glass still embedded in there and caused her to bleed down her sleeve, but she could see Momo’s was in a similar state. 

“Mina hates it too, she just doesn’t say anything.” Momo continued nonchalantly, not even looking back at her as she continued to chop up vegetables. 

“I know. She’s mad at me.” Mina tried to hide it, but Sana could read her like a book. Mina would hold on to her just a bit tighter than usual, but she was quiet. That was the best indicator that Mina was upset and the most dangerous. Because that meant she was thinking, and that usually wasn’t good. 

“Good. She lets you get away with too much.”

“Or you talking about Mina or you right now?”

Momo set the knife down, maybe with a bit too much force. Sana just watched as she stared at the young radish she had just chopped up, fingers curling on the dark wood of the cutting board.

“I’m sorry for pushing the Busan thing.” Sana set her pen down, “I should have listened to you.”

“It’s fine-“

“I don’t want a divorce.” Momo’s shoulders sagged when those words, “I shouldn’t have told you that, I knew you were going to misinterpret .”

“Well no. If you’re going to see divorce lawyers I kinda want to know.”

“I just needed to talk to someone.” 

“Why couldn’t you talk to me?”

“Yeah, because that just went so well.”

Momo maybe did have a point. Her point would probably be much better received if the lawyer would just turn around to look at her. Instead she picked the knife up again, and this time grabbed a mushroom starting to mince it into small pieces. “I don’t have a lot of friends, Sana. I just have my sister.” 

“What about Wendy? I thought you too were close?”

“Not to the point where I can talk about my marriage issues. I know if you need to talk you go to Nayeon, or Joohyun. But I really only have my sister, and she has her own life. I just needed advice.” 

“On what?”

“If we’re going to make it.”

That thought never crossed Sana’s mind. She looked down at the file open on the kitchen table and closed it. She stood up and wrapped her arms around Momo, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her neck. “I think we are.”

Momo went quiet for a few minutes. Sana could tell she was thinking. 

Momo was always thinking, really she thought too much. Always worrying or going over something in her head, Sana was convinced at some point she’d make herself sick. She’d worry about Mina constantly, fussing over if she’d take her medicine in the mornings sometimes even counting the pills to make sure Mina was being truthful. (Which in her defense was a good decision because Mina had skipped that part of her routine for two weeks and lied to their faces.) She’d worry about Sana at work, asking her to send her a text after she arrived at a scene. She’d worry about work, the house, even the damn dogs. 

Her and Mina were a lot alike in that way. Always thinking, and they needed space to do so. Momo’s been sleeping on the couch since Sana came home, like she did every time they fought. Sana had never once banisher her from bed, Momo just did it on her own, grabbing her pillows and the stuffed racoon that Mina gave her their first christmas together that Momo has slept with every night, and Sana would come out at some point to see Boo curled up on her the both of them asleep. Grumpy had taken to sleeping on top of Sana years ago, to the point that Momo would joke that he was more Sana’s pet than hers now. 

And while Sana wanted to give her space, Sana desperately craved for her. Just to hold her, or even just sit next to her. She just didn’t want to feel alone. Didn’t want to feel like Momo was steadily becoming a stranger to her. 

“I’m really afraid, Sana.” Momo whispered, stopping her movements with the knife, setting it down once again. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to.”

“I feel like I am sometimes. I feel you getting further and further away from me, and I don’t know how to stop you.” Momo mumbled, “I don’t know how to fix this.”

Sana went quiet for a few seconds, “We can try again.”

“Huh?”

“We can start the treatments again and try for another baby.”

“Sana-“

“Really, I’m not opposed to it. Sure Mina’s older now, and so are we-“

“I don’t want another kid.”

“You do-“ Sana ran a hand through her hair. There it was that constant nagging feeling that she let her down, that she couldn’t even give Momo that. 

“I feel defective Sana!”

Sana paused the second those words slipped out of Momo’s mouth. She felt defective? Huh? Momo pushed away from her, wrapping her arms around herself. “What do you mean?”

“I feel like something is  _ wrong  _ with me.” Momo tugged her cardigan tighter around her body, “I mean something is. My body can’t do it’s one purpose, and I could give you a kid and-“

“Hey, hey, what are you talking about?” Sana furrowed her eyebrows. “Momo you’re not just a baby making machine, please don’t say that.”

“You were so excited. And it just fell through.” Momo sighed, walking across the kitchen once again, sealing her arms around Sana. More like wrapping Sana’s arms around her. “I’m sorry.”

“That was out of your control.” Sana rubbed a hand up and down her back. 

“You keep bringing it up though.” Momo stressed, “So that’s how I know you think about it often. You want more kids, you want a bigger family. But- Sana I don’t know if that’s going to happen.”

“We could foster.” 

“Quite frankly I don’t know if I can handle another kid like Mina.”

“What do you mean but that.”

“Babe, Mina was a lot. 

“That isn’t her fault.” 

“I know. I’m not saying it is. But- she needed a lot of attention and energy.” Momo sighed, “We’re older now. We have good jobs now. I’m just- I’m exhausted. Mina is so precious to me, you know that. But I’m so exhausted from having to try and worry about every single little thing about her.”

Instead of deciding to respond, Sana just tucked her face further into Momo’s neck. It’s true Mina was a lot at times, but exhausting? Sana wouldn’t go that far. 

“I’m not trying to say I regretted anything. But to open our home and possibly go through all of that again. We got lucky with how behaved Mina was, honestly she had every right to be an absolute monster because she was frustrated, how are we going to handle something like that? And what if they triggered Mina back in progress, and-“

Maybe that was Sana’s mistake, sure she felt bad that Momo was consistently giving things up for them- but she never realized how hard raising Mina was for her. To Sana it never felt like too much, she could sympathize with her and registered every one of Mina’s pain as something natural in her healing progress. She didn’t panic when Mina cried or went too quiet, Momo always did. Sure Sana had certain feelings about the medication that Mina was on, and had very strong reservations to Mina’s diagnosis, but that was more out of concern. 

But Momo always struggled to catch up, struggled with the bags under her eyes when Mina had a rough night sleeping, struggled with trying to figure out a way to discipline Mina in a way that was fair to her, struggled to connect with Mina sometimes. She knew Mina had a small fear of Momo for years, it was never anything too serious but a nagging thought in the back of her mind that Momo was capable of hurting her. That killed Momo. She never complained though, she just would take a deep breath and try again. 

“Okay. I get it.”

“I’m okay with just the three of us. I think it’s  _ you _ who is afraid of Mina leaving home and for us to be alone.” 

Momo had some merit to that. Sana had dedicated the last ten years of her life to raising her child, and for Mina to now be almost ready to start a life without her. It just felt weird. Sure more kids meant that Sana wouldn’t be alone for longer. But also opening their home to kids who needed somewhere to stay, Sana would have killed for that when she was younger. 

Sure Sana had come to a point in her life she was ready and willing to have new members inducted into their little circle. But also she wanted Momo to have that. She heard stories from her parents about how when Momo was little she used to carry around baby dolls and as she got older she broke up with a few girlfriends over differences in where the future held. She just wanted Momo to have something she wanted, not follow along as she has been. 

“Why are we even talking about this? We need to solve our problems before we even start to try and talk about whatever this is.” Momo sighed. “We don’t talk anymore. Sure we love together, but when was the last time we talked?”

“We’re busy.”

“Sana.” Momo’s tone just had this defeated element to it that Sana didn’t like, “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.”

“No you’re not. I don’t know where you are.” Momo sighed, “I’m so tired of this.”

“Of what?”

“We both know there’s something wrong and we won’t talk about it. You don’t feel close to me either anymore. I know it. It’s okay, I heard it’s normal.”

“I don’t feel not close to you.” 

She knew Momo could see right through her. Often times Momo felt like a stranger, and she wasn’t sure how that happened. That was the most maddening part. 

“Please don’t lie to me.”

Maybe that was something Sana didn’t want to admit even to herself. She nodded her head drooping, “Okay. I think we drifted apart.”

“What do we do?”

“Well let’s try and fix it. We can go to counseling, and I can try and roll back my hours at work so I can’t be home more, and-“

Sana was cut off by a soft kiss to her lips. She shut up immediately, opening her eyes as Momo pulled away. Momo trailed her hand up to cup Sana’s cheek, and for the first time in a while Sana looked her in the eye, “Let’s go to Hawaii.”

“What?”

“Let’s go. I’ll book it, just go with me.”

“I’ll have to ask Mina-“

“Mina’s a big girl, she can watch herself for a week. She suggested the trip.” Momo shook her head, “Stop thinking about everyone else for once, it’s suffocating.”

Sana wasn’t sure what she meant by that. But she found herself nodding, giving up for now. Momo pulled her in for another soft kiss before breaking away, “I need to finish the soup.”

“Right.” And Sana sat back down, looking at her file. Sana wasn’t sure if that’s the big talk they needed, but it was a start. Maybe she should just let it go, and see what Hawaii could bring them. She’d ask Jisoo for some marriage counselors at there next session, they could fix this. Sana knew they could. Or at least she tried to believe it. 


	14. Chapter 14

It’s embarrassing how excited Mina was for this. 

Sure she’d shy away anytime her friends would tease her about it, and she hadn’t really gotten around to telling her moms, but for some reason Mina was so excited for tonight. School and practice couldn’t go by fast enough, and just as it seemed to never end Mina was yelling a goodbye and rushing out the front door as fast she could. 

How Sana didn’t notice her outfit was beyond her. Well, actually no. Sana had been into dramas these days and when Mina left she was almost crying as she watched the characters break up, waving a watery goodbye to Mina, crumpled up tissue in her hand and blanket wrapped around herself. If she had noticed, she definitely would have been a bit suspicious. 

The dancer barely ever dressed up, opting to stay with the comfort of jeans and sweaters mostly, but tonight she decided that she needed something special. After two near meltdowns, and an extensive scroll through Pinterest she settled on the perfect look. A white turtle neck with a navy crew neck sweatshirt layered on top, a pair of relaxed fit jeans, a pair of her scuffed up white nike Air Force 1s, and a thick white headband. It wasn’t too much? Right? Mina had sent a quick photo to the group chat and Yeri sent back exactly seven drooling emojis,Lucas had sent a fire truck, and Sooyoung said she looked like a hot grandma, so she assumed that was good. Right? She hoped so. 

On the bike ride there she felt the tension of the past month start to melt away, pedaling through Seoul watching as the street lamps reflected off the store fronts and people ate and laughed around her. Choerry was nice, their texts the past few days have proved that to her. Whether it had been or sending memes back and forth, or actually calling each other in the middle of the night and talking until Mina fell asleep on the other side of the line. She couldn’t find any bad intentions on Choerry’s end, and honestly she was too tired to try and seek them out. She just wanted to have a good time for once without worrying. 

This light fluttery feeling in her chest wasn’t new, actually it was quite familiar, reserved only for quiet friday nights in Tzuyu’s room. The two of them painting eachother’s nails while steaming cups of hot chocolate sat disregarded on Tzuyu’s white dresser. For watching sleepy sunrises on the roof of Seulgi’s restaurants, holding hands as they watched shades of red and pink dance across the sky painting a welcome to the day ahead. It wasn’t new. But it was still welcomed. Maybe because she knew that fluttery feeling wasn’t shared, that it was completely her own in those moments therefore it must have been something weird. 

Really she had no idea what to expect, this was just new and exciting. Sure she had close calls, like the time freshman year where this boy kept talking to her and Mina thought he might have liked her, but it turned out he actually was using her to try and get closer to Tzuyu. All her friends had been through this already, and honestly she felt a bit silly for only now experiencing it. Hana had been the most excited though, texting Mina advice throughout the day and even called her as she was getting ready to make sure she was going to be okay and get the location of where she was going. Hana had just brushed it off as a safety precaution Mina should get in the habit of doing, but Mina appreciated her concern. 

Finally she arrived at exactly six thirty, the time she agreed on. After looking around a bit she didn't see Choerry, which she guessed was okay. Maybe she was just running a bit late. That wasn’t a big deal, sure Mina was punctual, a trait Momo had instilled in her, but not everyone was. She hopped off her bike and locked it on to a telephone pole just outside the actual entrance to the mini golf course. This place was cute, a bit far but still. She sent her a quick text that she arrived and started to look around. 

From what she could see of the inside, it was a cute little course filled with waterfalls and a few windmills. She couldn’t see all of it, but from what she could, she could tell that it was going to be fun. Not to mention there was a little ice cream shop which Mina was particularly excited about. Choerry had mentioned she had been here with her friends before, so she knew it wasn’t going to be horrible, but Mina was still a bit surprised at how nice it actually was. She sat down on the curb, gently kicking a few rocks that were laying there waiting for Choerry to arrive. 

She took another look at her phone. 6:45. Maybe she was just running late? It was only fifteen minutes. Mina sat back down, swiping through TikTok idly for a few minutes before looking up again. Nothing. It had to be almost seven now. Damn she was really taking a long time. 

Maybe she realized that this wasn’t what she wanted. Or what if this was a big joke, and she wanted to see if Mina would actually fall for. At the clock ticked towards 7:15, that thought started to run a bit more rampant through her brain. Kids at school have played pretty cruel tricks on her before, like the one time in middle school where they would go into Mina’s packed lunch to throw all the food into the trash before Yeri found out and almost fought four eighth graders twice her size. She just needed to calm down, she was just running late. When it got to 7:30 Mina could really feel that pit in her stomach start to form. She sent Choerry another text, this one asking if she was okay. Her heart sank when her phone vibrated again.

**Book girl**

_I can’t go._

[7:32PM]

That was it. No explanation. No context. Just she can’t go. Mina’s fingers paused over the keyboard on her phone before she closed out of the message app. And suddenly the happy giddiness she let herself get lost in for the past few days came crashing back down and there was only the sad realization that of course this happened. Because why wouldn’t it? 

She hadn’t heard a single peep from her mother after she gave her money in the park, Tzuyu hadn't talked to her in a little over a week, she was starting to get into failing territory in math, her knee ached, soccer was not going well, her parents were fighting. This was literally the only thing she had going for her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

She hadn’t even realized she dialed Tzuyu’s number. 

_“Hello?”_ Tzuyu sounded a bit sleepy, which in any other circumstance Mina would have scolded her for because she just knew Tzuyu was napping again and that always messed up her sleeping schedule badly. She heard a bit of shuffling at the other side of the phone and some sort of mandarin curse, _“Mina?”_

_“_ Hey. _”_ Mina managed to say after nearly dropping her phone, she held it up to her ear gripping onto the black iPhone tightly. 

_“Aren’t you on your date right now? Why are you calling me?”_ She could almost hear the frown in Tzuyu’s voice. 

Mina actually had to take a minute to respond, she could feel the prickling of tears in her eyes and goddamn this wasn’t something she should be wasting tears over, “She didn’t show up.”

_“Wait, what do you mean she didn’t show up?”_

“I’ve been waiting here for an hour and she just texted me saying she can’t come.” Mina relayed, feeling her lip quiver. 

Tzuyu went quiet, before speaking up again, _“Are you still there?”_

“Yeah, I was going to start heading home. I just wanted to call you before I did.”

_“I’ll pick you up. Send me the location.”_

“Tzu-”

_“Location please.”_

She didn’t even fight it and sent Tzuyu her location, the girl hanging up shortly after. It took Mina fifteen minutes to get to the place, it took Tzuyu ten. As soon as the girl arrived, Mina could see the sheen of sweat on her forehead and how much she was panting that she had pedaled like she never had before. It looked like she threw whatever she saw on, her outfit just some skinny jeans and a turtleneck with her backpack tossed over her shoulders. Tzuyu stopped a few feet away from her wheezing softly. She locked up her bike and went over to Mina, wordlessly sitting next to her. 

Tzuyu tapped her foot on the pavement a few times, before leaning over, “I’m sorry for being a jerk.”

“It’s okay.” Mina mumbled, her bottom lip trembling. Tzuyu just elbowed her playfully, looking over at her before glancing back to the entrance of the course. She stood up and grabbed Mina’s hand, practically dragging her inside as she paid the couple of dollars to the girl at the counter and brought her over to where the little display of clubs and a rack of different colored golf balls were set up. 

Tzuyu was quiet, only picked up a club and held it to her waist before putting it back and grabbed the one a bit longer. She grabbed a blue golf ball and looked over at Mina. “Aren’t you going to grab yours?”

“I just want to go home.”

Ignoring her, Tzuyu grabbed one and held it to Mina’s waist before nodding her head. She grabbed a mint green ball off of the display and held it out for Mina. “I think these might work.”

“Tzuyu, I’m really not in the mood.”

But still, Tzuyu held out the club trying to wiggle it into Mina’s hand. Mina moved her hand away, before Tzuyu followed, gently trying to place it into Mina’s hand. This was really the last thing she wanted, her pride was hurt, she felt embarrassed and betrayed. All she wanted to do was go home, get under her comforter, and cry. But Tzuyu was insistent, wiggling the little club before she got it loosely into Mina’s hand. 

She was going to move her arm away, she really was. But she looked up and caught Tzuyu’s eye, and she just had this soft little smile on her face. It reminded Mina of a five year old Tzuyu practically shoveling gummies into her mouth because she wanted to cheer her up. So despite all her better judgement she grabbed onto the club and let Tzuyu lead her out onto the small course. 

Really Mina had every right just to leave. Tzuyu had been needlessly cruel the past week, their tiny argument didn’t hold any real reason to ignore her entire existence for the past week. Lucas had said he talked to her but she just said she was busy and she didn’t mean to. Anyone with eyes could tell it was intentional. It was strange because Tzuyu was never really hot and cold, and Mina really hoped she wouldn’t make a habit out of this. 

Tzuyu set her golf ball down at the first marker, looked down the lane and hit it gently. Watching with a smile as it sailed right down the lane and into the hole. A perfect hole in one. Mina sat there with her mind agape. Any lingering resentment towards Tzuyu or sadness about how the night had turned out flew out the window immediately.   
  
Son Tzuyu knew Hirai Mina better than anyone else. And she knew exactly what she was doing by igniting her oddly competitive spirit. 

Mina pulled back her club and hit it, maybe a bit too hard because it shot right past the hole and landed in a bush. The soccer captain groaned and went to recieve it, scowling at the chuckle Tzuyu let out as she did so. After another three failed attempts Mina was about ready to just throw down her club and give up. 

Tzuyu grabbed her hand over it, wrapping her other arm around her grabbing onto her other hand, “Relax.”

“I think mine is broken.”

“You’re just holding it wrong, out one hand here, then you put your other hand right here.” Tzuyu moved Mina’s other hand slightly below the first one, “Aim, then hit.” She pulled Mina’s arms back gently before pulling thin forwards and watched as the ball soared into the small hole. Tzuyu trailed a hand up her arm before she pulled away, tucking her hands into the pockets of her zip up hoodie. “There.” 

Mina thought she was going to have a heart attack. 

She walked over and grabbed her golf ball from the tiny hole, before Tzuyu followed her trailing behind as they made their way to the next hole. Tzuyu set up to hit the ball again, not even looking at Mina as she started the conversation, “So did you guys fight?”

“No she just texted me she can’t come.”

“That’s weird.” Tzuyu frowned, hitting the ball and watching it bounce off the side of the wall. Mina stepped up to take her shot, both of them watching as it bounced off next to Tzuyu’s ball.

“I know.”

She could tell Tzuyu was thinking, but she could tell what about. And whatever it was Tzuyu kept quiet just hitting her ball once again. 

“You look pretty tonight.” Tzuyu hummed, “I mean you look pretty all the time, but I like your outfit. And your lipgloss is that new?”

“Yeah. I bought it yesterday.” How did she notice the lipgloss? Did she really pay that much attention to her? A light blush spread across her cheeks and she prayed that Tzuyu couldn’t see it under the dim lamps. 

“I like it,” Tzuyu smiled, “Sucks that book girl can’t see it.”

“Yeah.”

“How could she do that? How could she ask _you_ on a date and not even show up? If it were me, I would have been an hour early.” 

That piqued Mina’s interest. Tzuyu almost sounded, jealous? Looking back at it, she was acting that way a lot. The clinginess, the refusal to talk about anything regarding Mina’s love life. She figured Tzuyu was just worried that her spot as Mina’s number one would get replaced and she’d be pushed aside. That happened with Tzuyu’s first boyfriend, and suddenly all her time was filled up with no room for Mina. It was unnerving. Especially when Fridays became their date night, not sleepovers. Maybe she was just feeling left out?

“I feel like you’re fun on dates,” Mina joked.

“Eh. I feel like I would be fun on dates I want to be on.”

“You’re fun right now.” 

Tzuyu just nodded and hit the ball into the hole, waiting patiently for Mina to get her hole before holding out her hand. Mina grabbed it. 

“You know I saw your mom in the supermarket the other day.” Tzuyu mused, running her thumb over Mina’s knuckles. She always did that whenever they held hands, which in itself was surprisingly often, but it never failed to make Mina’s brain malfunction. 

“Which one?”

“Sana. I have never seen someone look so serious over cereal.”

“She loves cereal.” Mina shrugged.

“I know. I’ve slept over your house before. She didn’t see me but I just thought it was funny.”

“My parents have been fighting the past couple of weeks.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what about. Honestly I’m not sure they know either. Mom even slept over Nayeon’s for a week.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, I’ve just been stressed lately. I didn’t want you to-”

“Mina, I hate it when you try to keep everything yourself. You did this last year and Sooyoung found you sobbing in the bathroom. Just take a deep breath and let us help you.” 

“I don’t want you to do that. I want to feel _normal._ ”

“You are. Normal people let their friends help them. God you’re so stubborn sometimes.” Tzuyu rolled her eyes, letting go of Mina so she could place her ball down onto the patch of fake grass. She turned to Mina with a smirk, “Practice is over. It’s time for me to unleash my real power. So shut up and put-put.”

The rest of their game flew by. A few notable incidents were when Mina got frustrated and hit the ball so hard it ended up flying out of the course, and she had to jump a fence to retrieve it, or the time Tzuyu nearly fell into a pond when she tried to fish her ball out. But really it was the most fun Mina had in awhile, filled with laughter and banter in a way that only Tzuyu could keep up with. The thought passed by her head of just how awkward tonight would have been without her, of Mina shyly playing while talking to Choerry. Never would have she nearly yelled her head off arguing that it was the wind that made her ball go off course or practically wrestling with Tzuyu as they playfully nudged each other to throw off their shots.

It was undeniable that she didn’t feel an undercoating of something. It was thick and sticky and fluttered around in her gut every time Tzuyu smiled, or she would hold her hand. She could feel it, and she was sure Tzuyu could as well. She just wasn’t sure what it was. 

Tzuyu had always been as much of a sucker for ice cream as she was. So much so Sana used to sneak the three of them to get ice cream after a big test, or just because. While looking back it was probably not the best thing to be going behind Momo’s back, it was just fun and there was really no harm. Mina paid for both of their vanilla cones, and they walked away from the little course with their bikes settling in a little park nearby that surprisingly was still pretty busy. 

They didn’t talk for a while, just enjoying each other's company and the ice cream before Tzuyu clicked her tongue suddenly.

“Oh, I have this little guy.” Tzuyu hummed, reaching into her backpack, causing Mina to look over at her questioningly. Then Tzuyu pulled out a small smiling shark plushie, almost causing Mina to do a double take. When did she get that? Did she just carry it around?

She accepted the toy into her hands, letting her free hand run over the soft fleece of its body. Wait. Was this- “Tzuyu, is this that limited edition one at the aquarium?”

Early last year they went to the aquarium right after midterms, and Mina had found this shark in the gift shop. She wanted it so bad. But it was a bit expensive as it was a fundraiser for a new exhibit, and was made with special materials that were supposed to be softer and last longer. Mina had rationalized she didn’t need it and put it back, then proceeded to talk about it for the next two months. 

Tzuy rubbed the back of her neck, “Yeah. I thought it would cheer you up.”

“This was expensive.”  
  
“It helped build the new shark exhibit. Next time you go there you can think of me when you see your scary friends.”

That’s all Mina seemed to do these days: think of Tzuyu. Her hair, her smile, her peach body spray. How Tzuyu is the smartest person she knows, and probably the most beautiful as well. Sana used to remark that Mina would measure everyone on a Tzuyu scale, were they as smart as Tzuyu, were they as pretty as Tzuyu. But how could you blame her? Tzuyu was the first truly decent person she met, she was her best friend, she was- Tzuyu. She looked down at the little stuffed shark before looking up at Tzuyu’s soft smile. The fact that Tzuyu had come so quickly, had tried her very best to lift Mina’s mood, had just been herself. That fluttery feeling returned.

Now Mina could have been possessed, or maybe even just had momentary insanity. But some sort of sudden courage overtook her, making her lean forwards, close her eyes and kiss the taller girl. It didn’t take long for Tzuyu to kiss back.

It felt like little fireworks exploding in Mina’s head the second Tzuyu’s lips touched her own. Mina was always afraid of getting what she wanted, the fear of it not being as good as she imagined always ruined things for her. But this wasn’t that. It didn’t matter that her ice cream cone was starting to drip down her fingers, or that there were probably people around them that could see. The slight taste of vanilla on Tzuyu’s lips were enough to make her head spin and her lungs feel like they needed to gasp for air. 

Tzuyu pulled away first, and Mina could see her own pink lip gloss smudged on her lips. She looked breathless, panting slightly with a dazed look in her eyes, “Woah.” 

Mina nodded, “Woah.”

But as her mind settled and settled from the temporary high she received from the kiss, panic started to set it. She just kissed her best friend. _She just kissed her best friend._

And even worse. She liked it.


	15. Chapter 15

_ “So, I’m the best. You don’t have to tell me I already know.”  _ Elkie hummed as she climbed through the window, making Tzuyu jump and nearly fall off her bed. 

_ “What the fuck did you do?”  _ Tzuyu hissed as soon as she saw the girl, who just smiled as she sat next to her on the bed ruffling Gucci’s head.  _ “When you said you would help me I thought you meant confessing, what did you do to book girl?” _

Elkie rubbed the back of her neck,  _ “Shuhua and I may or may not have slashed her bike tires.” _

_ “You WHAT?”  _

_ “No bike equals no travel. It was simple math really.” _

_ “Elkie, Mina thought she stood her up.” _

_ “Technically she did.” _

_ “Well yeah,”  _ Tzuyu sighed, rubbing her face before standing back up,  _ “I don’t know. Mina tends to think about stuff a lot, and for her to just not go-” _

_ “Tzu relax, from what you texted me when you got home everything seemed to work out just fine.”  _ Elkie just relaxed further into her bed, only opening her eye when Tzuyu threw a sock at her. 

She had a little bit of a point Tzuyu guessed, in her eyes at least Tzuyu had a really really good time. The phone call from Mina had startled her from her daily afternoon nap (don’t tell Mina that though, she never approved and told Tzuyu she should be doing something more productive with her time), and as much as Tzuyu just wanted to ignore the call she couldn’t. As soon as Mina relayed to her what happened, her heart sank. Her first thought was that Elkie had something to do with it, and one frantic text message later she received a meme back. She definitely had something to do with it. 

Now Tzuyu could have won the Tour de France with how fast she biked to the location Mina had texted her. At that moment it wasn’t even just Mina, the girl who Tzuyu had been desperately in love with for the past year and a half waiting for princess charming, it was Mina, Tzuyu’s best friend who just was let down. Again. Everyone always seemed to let her down. Tzuyu wouldn’t. That was a promise. And throughout the night things just fell into place, Mina’s smile that never failed to leave her breathless came back, she got touchy in a way that never failed to make her skin tingle. 

For some reason that felt like the perfect moment to finally gift Mina the shark, she had so affectionately named Chomps. Mina had talked about him for months, whining about she should have added him to her tiny collection of stuffed animals. That’s how Tzuyu knew she wanted him bad. Mina was never one for a lot of stuffies, even if she loved them a lot. Sure she had Peng, that Tzuyu always made to tease her about when she saw the small penguin being taken out from his spot on Mina’s shelf. To think about it, she saw him on Mina’s bed the last time she went in there- which Tzuyu figured had to do with Mina’s mom. 

It wasn’t the way that Tzuyu had envisioned the moment Mina would finally be hers. Tzuyu always pictured it as her having a random stroke of courage, as opposed to Mina being the one to make the first move. The second Mina’s lips had touched her own, her head short circuited, and all that mattered was that moment. Mina always smelt like the sea, but Tzuyu didn’t imagine kissing her would feel like the sea as well. That she was swimming in the immense mass that Mina, and she liked it. She liked to drift over the waves and float on the calm sea. 

Maybe for a few seconds Tzuyu could have tricked herself that Mina was actually going to confess she was just agreeing to this date to make her jealous. That she actually was as in love with her as Tzuyu was. As Mina pulled away however, she wasn’t sure if she was right though. Because for a few seconds Mina had a soft smile on her lips, then it faded away and Mina just stared back at her. 

It also didn’t help that Mina had  _ sprinted away  _ immediately after that. Like literally dropped her bike and her ice cream cone and just ran as fast as she could. She knew Mina could be fast, but not that fast. She didn’t even go in the direction of their houses, she was just going as fast as she possibly could just to get out of there. 

Really feel offended or just hurt at what happened, and a part of her did. Maybe not as big of a part as it should though, because the fact that  _ Mina  _ was the one to kiss her kept echoing in her brain. Sure she ran, but she was the one that leaned in too, that had to mean something, right? Gucci seemed to think so as she excitedly relayed the night’s events to him when he got home. 

She let Elkie drag her out of the house, and waved a quick goodbye to her mothers as she hopped into her car. Sure she could ride with Lucas, but the thought of being that close to Mina so soon seemed daunting. She couldn’t avoid her forever though and she saw her as soon as her and Elkie walked into the school she saw her friends. 

Well she saw Choerry trying to approach Mina who just tightened her grip on her backpack as soon as she saw the girl, and lowered her head. Tzuyu wished Mina would stand up for herself sometimes instead of putting her head down and trying to avoid whatever it was that was bothering her. A part of her felt really bad about what happened, Choerry seemed like an okay girl. She just wanted Mina, and that made Tzuyu not like her at all. 

“Mina-”

“Let’s go.” Mina turned to the group, and Tzuyu could watch as their friends tried to process what exactly was going on. They were confused, but they just weren’t in the loop of what happened yet. Almost as if it was second nature Yeri stepped in front of Mina and glared at Choerry making the girl stop in her tracks. Don’t get Yeri wrong, she was an ass, but she was a protective ass. Especially over Mina. 

They walked away and Tzuyu locked eyes with Choerry for a second. She looked sad. Tzuyu didn’t get long to focus on that, because Elkie was grabbing her shoulder and dragging her in the direction of her small friend group. She knew as well as Tzuyu did that Mina needed a bit of space, and Tzuyu was willing to give her some. Just for now.

━━━

“Mina,” Jihyo called as she was placing her cleats into her bag. Mina briefly looked over in the woman’s direction before focusing on placing the cleat where it belonged.

Practice had been tough. Honestly Mina liked it that way, with how the past few days had gone it did wonders to numb the constant overthinking she was doing. And now she messed up again, and  _ kissed  _ Tzuyu. Really all she wanted to do was go home, eat something and maybe play some games. She’d been getting good at Valorant lately, and as long as she didn’t speak she got along well with the other players. Maybe tonight was a minecraft type of day though. 

She swung the bag over her shoulder and gave her attention to Jihyo. Sooyoung must have already been in the car because she wasn’t hanging out with her like she usually would after practice. It was nice to see that they got along these days, Mina remembers how they used to fight. It was not pretty. She frowned when she saw how Jihyo’s brow was furrowed as she looked her up and down, “What?”

“I just wanted to check in on you,” The coach sat down on the aluminum bench and patted next to her, prompting Mina to sit there as well, “You seemed a bit distracted during practice today.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Jihyo sighed, “You’ve just been distracted for a couple of practices now, and I’m just curious that there was something more happening.”

Mina opened her mouth, and then closed it. She decided on shrugging, “I’ll try to be more focused.”

Jihyo closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “You’re so much like your mother it drives me insane. I need to rescue from Sana one of these days. I’m not trying to bother you, but I’m a bit concerned. You need at least a C+ average to play, and Mina your grades are starting to slip under that. I know you like to play, and I love having you on the team, but if you can't get your grades up I’m not going to have a choice than not let you participate.”

Mina’s head snapped in her direction at that. What? That couldn’t happen. How else was she supposed to get a scholarship? Go to college? She couldn’t have Sana and Momo paying for her, this was her only option. Math was always difficult, and she’s been a bit more distracted than usual but her grades shouldn’t be that bad across the board. Jihyo’s hand on her arm stopped her spiraling.

“I was thinking, how about you come over to my house after practice twice a week and we can go over some of your school work?” Jihyo suggested, “You can even stay for dinner, we eat at the restaurant every night but still, that way I can vouch for you and not have you suspended from the team.”

“I can’t. I have work.”

Jihyo went quiet at that, before shrugging, “Change your availability. I think you can survive without those two shifts.”

Could she? Her mother had just texted her this morning asking for more money, and Mina didn’t have it in her to say no. Especially when she explained how she needed it to get out of a bit of trouble she had found herself in recently. She Venmoed her nearly three hundred dollars, and her bank account was really on its last legs. She barely had enough to cover the ice cream bar Yeri had insisted she bought her when they went to the convenience store during break. How much had she given her now? It was probably closer to a thousand dollars. Did she have enough to move yet? Mina wasn’t sure how much more she could try to support her. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“I need an answer by next monday.” Jihyo hummed, “And go home and put some ice on your knee. You’ve been careful with it all practice.”

She noticed that? Mina’s knee had been bugging her, but she thought she kept it pretty discreet. She said her goodbye and started walking home which probably wasn’t a great idea, she was pretty sure Tzuyu brought her bike home or it was stolen as she didn’t see it in the park when Hana drove her home and they stopped to pick it up. 

Hana had not shut up the entire car ride, and even now was blowing up her phone asking her how things went with Tzuyu. She told her everything, which was a bit surprising because Mina never really considered them close. She was always closer with Nayeon. But she trusted Hana not to say anything to her moms before Mina felt comfortable doing so. She did call Mina and idiot though, which was probably deserved. 

It took her a bit longer than usual to get home. Really she could just walk over to the Sons and see if they had her bike to make the next couple of days easier on her. But Mina was never really that brave. She couldn’t face Tzuyu right now. Not when the shame of what she did was still fresh in her mind. 

Idiot. That’s what Mina had been repeating to herself over and over the past day. Why did she do that? Firstly she must have made Tzuyu feel incredibly uncomfortable, she just kissed her with no permission or communication. Sure she was the one to pull away first, and Tzuyu kissed back but she might have felt shocked and scared. And second, that was  _ Tzuyu.  _ Tzuyu. Son Tzuyu. The most perfect girl on planet earth. When Mina was younger she thought she was an alien because no mere human could reach that level of perfection, even if Mina’s definition of that was just knowing the times table. It was her best friend, and Mina may have just thrown ten years of friendship out the window for what?

And what was even more terrifying, is how much she liked it. How she felt comforted and giddy in that moment, that little fireworks went off in her head and told her this was right. That this was she wanted. And she couldn’t get her mind around how much she did want it.

It was becoming increasingly clear to her that she may have a crush on her. And that was a problem. A really big problem.

So she ran. It wasn’t her proudest moment, but she ran all the way to Hana’s house, letting herself and nearly scaring her aunt half to death as she started telling her about what happened. Hana just laughed in her face and told her she couldn’t believe how useless the gays were.

She tried to push that thought away and opened her front door, dropping her soccer bag on it’s hook and kicked her shoes off. 

It really wasn’t out of the ordinary for there to be random animals in the house when Mina walked into their house. Kittens, puppies, rabbits, there was even a baby raccoon one time that Momo had given Sana a night to rehome. It usually went like this, Sana would arrive at a scene then somewhere along the way she would either find abandoned or neglected animals and they would just end up home with her. Then Momo would walk in on her playing with the animals in the living room happily, before she would notice her arrival and act like all of it was a chore and she wasn’t interested. Yet every time she found them a forever home she would cry. 

Momo called her a tsundere, Mina just called her shy. 

So that’s why she barely batted an eye when she saw Sana laying on her stomach in the middle of the living room, a small black kitten next to her playing with a string the detective pulled. Sana hated sad animals, Mina knew that’s why she kept cat food in her car at all times just incase she came across an abandoned animal. And if it was a baby animal forget it. She could have teased her about it, instead she just laid next to her. 

“Her name is Spooky.”

“Where did you find her?”

“I was at a scene and this little one came right up to me.” Sana hummed, “I think she chose me.”

  
“Mom’s not going to be happy when she sees her. You know she's superstitious.”

“Look at that face,” Sana grabbed the kitten and held it up, “What was I supposed to do, just let her starve?”

Mina just chuckled and grabbed onto the string. It always went like this: Sana would find an animal, Sana would fall in love with said animal, Sana would find the animal a forever home, and then Sana would cry because she had to say goodbye. Mina had no doubts that there was going to be another cat in the house after she moved out, while her and Momo were dog people, Sana loved cats and she had been talking about getting another one for a while now. Mina sometimes worried what would happen to Sana after she left, neither of them were ready for a goodbye. They still had a few years before that though. 

She whined, rolling over so she could hide her face into the side of Sana’s arm. She could hear Sana chuckle and just pat her head lovingly. “Did you have fun with Hana last night? I didn’t know you guys were close.”

“She’s taught me dance for like ten years now.”

“I know, but you guys don’t usually hang out.”

“Mom- I-” For a second Mina could feel the dam about to break and everything about to spill out. She was just so stressed out, and tired. Sana made her feel comfortable, she always did. Her gentle demeanor always served to make things slip out easily from Mina’s mouth. However she paused. Sure she might be understanding about the Tzuyu thing, but Mina just  _ knew  _ she wasn’t going to like what was going on with her mom. She knew it was wrong, she knew she shouldn’t be doing it. She knew that Sana would be upset with her. 

And that scared her more than anything else. Having Sana disappointed and angry with her. 

“Yeah?” Sana hummed.

“I have a headache.”

  
“Oh you do?” Sana frowned standing up and grabbed the small kitten, “Spooky and I will get you some tylenol. Stay there.”

God she wished Tylenol would solve this. She felt her phone buzz, and sure enough it was Tzuyu. She just tucked it away and accepted the medicine when Sana brought it back. She could worry about that later.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

It’s been quite a few years since Momo had woken up to screams coming from down the hall, but as soon as the first one reached her ears her eyes snapped open and she was already throwing the blanket off of her. 

The all too familiar feeling of a strange concoction of anxiety and adrenaline pumping throwing her chest, made everything feel fuzzy as she nearly tripped over Sana’s uniform windbreaker that was just dumped on the floor. Through the darkness of their room she saw Sana slip out the door right before Momo regained her bearings and followed suit, practically sprinting down the hallway. 

It was always just so scary when this happened, Mina’s screams echoing off walls at a volume that Momo never would have thought the girl was capable of. Over the years Momo had learned a few things; Mina had a few different types of nightmares. When she was younger they were caused by her PTSD, Mina would have flashbacks and constant reliving of experiences. As she got a bit older they shifted from that to made up scenarios that hadn’t happened but were equally as fear-inducing. 

Usually Momo could tell the difference between them. imaginary scenarios were more quiet, manifesting themselves visually to Momo in sour expressions, a light sheen of sweat, and constant moving or adjusting on Mina’s part. Flashbacks were more violent, as if Mina’s body was desperately trying to fight someone or something off, trying to expel whatever was playing in her mind out of her. Those included screams, thrashing, and confusion. However Momo could never be sure which one it was unless Mina told them, because while usually she could tell, it wasn’t always the case. 

Like the one time Mina almost broke her wrist by slamming it into her headboard, desperately trying to twist away from them as she cried and begged. Momo thought it was a flashback, but in reality Mina had dreamt they decided to try and drown her. Sana had no choice but to physically pin Mina’s arms to her side and just whisper reassurances as she thrashed around, Momo next to them trying her best to help calm things down. Eventually Mina calmed down, and Sana hadn't had to do that again especially after being advised not to by Sunmi, but that incident had never erased itself from Momo’s mind. 

Sana opened Mina’s door, as Momo flipped the star projector light thing Mina bought on Amazon. She really wasn’t sure what it was, but Mina liked it and turning on the lamp felt a bit too bright. Honestly they were lucky the door was unlocked. Momo had tried to enforce a no locks rule years ago, and for the most part it worked except when they had relatives over. God Momo wouldn’t forget the time she had a nightmare when her parents were staying over and Mina had not only locked her door but put a chair in front of it. Her and Sana almost weren’t able to get into the room, and Mina woke everyone, including Hana who was sleeping downstairs on the couch. It ended up with Mina’s hinge being bent but they got in, and her and Mina had a discussion about it the next day. 

And then she looked at Mina’s bed and felt her heart crack. 

Rey was trying to sit on Mina’s chest, his tail wagging softly as he tried to nudge her face. Even Boo made his way into the room at some point, ears perked as he tried to jump onto the bed. 

And Mina. She was just screaming, red faced, gripping onto her pillow, face scrunched up as she kicked and squirmed. Momo hadn’t ever felt heartbreak like she does every time Mina get like this. Hana once commented it must’ve been scarier when Mina was younger, to see such a young child like that. But really it never stopped being so incredibly heartbreaking at any age, to see her daughter in such a state. 

Momo knew the drill, she watched as Sana knelt next to the bed and she stayed back near the door. Mina usually had a hard time figuring out where she was or who they were when she first woke up, and Momo had learnt the hard way that having both of them try and wake her up only resulted in her panicking more. She would let Mina wake up, figure out where she was and then move in to help. 

Sana leaned in, gently pressing a hand to Mina’s arm and shook softly, the other coming to rest on the top of Mina’s head,  _ “Mina, hey. Wake up.” _

One time after Mina had a nightmare over Yeri’s, Wendy had advised them it might not be a great idea to wake her up. But Wendy didn’t understand the pain that was felt looking at her daughter like this. She was pretty sure Mina was crying, her face half buried in the pillow as she squirmed. And the screams. How they haven’t gotten the police called by a neighbor yet amazed her, it sounded like Mina was being tortured. Dahyun once texted her asking if Mina was alright because she could hear it with her window open on a summer night. How could she just leave her alone?

_ “Mina.”  _ Sana tried again, this time shaking her just the tiniest bit harder. That seemed to be all it took, which Momo was grateful for often longer for them to wake her up. Mina awoke with a start, her eyes snapping open as she jerked her head upwards, Sana's palms softening the impact that it had against the headboard. She was always disoriented when she woke up, and today seemed no different pushing Sana away frantically. Sana didn’t move,  _ “It’s me. It’s Sana.” _

That seemed to register, because Mina’s hands went from trying to push her away to gripping onto her shirt so tightly that Momo was afraid Sana’s shirt would rip.  _ “I’m sorry!” _

_ “Mina-“ _

_ “I’m sorry! Please!” _

_ “Shh.”  _ As Sana pulled Mina into a hug, gently tucking the girls head into her shoulder,  _ “You’re okay.” _

When Mina cried, it always hit somewhere deep. Momo couldn’t even look at her sometimes, but other times like today she couldn’t look away. Watching as Mina sobbed into Sana’s shoulder, desperately grasping onto her. 

If Momo could take away whatever pain Mina felt and deal with it herself, she would have done that a long time ago. It was so hard to see Mina like this. To see her with this open wound that never fully healed. She took as her cue to move forwards, wrapping Mina in a hug and gently stroked her hair. Mina tensed for a second before relaxing, letting Momo just coo into her ear, whispering reassuring words as she felt Mina calm down more and more. Eventually Mina’s cries quieted into the occasional sniffle, and Momo could feel just how tired she was. They helped her lay back down, and as soon as Mina’s hand shot out to grab onto Momo’s arm, she knew she wasn’t returning to her own bed for the rest of the night. 

“I’m just going to go grab Spooky really quick and then I’ll be right back.” Sana whispered to Mina, before laying a quick kiss on her forehead and sprinting out of the room. That damn black cat wasn’t going to be leaving, and Momo knew that just by the fact Sana had named it she hadn’t done that before. The kitten was very small, so young that Sana actually had to wake up a few hours earlier just to bottle feed it. Momo had heard her wife talking to the small thing as she fed her earlier, it was cute. But Momo wasn’t sure if she was on board with a black cat, did they need any more bad luck? Especially now?

Mina was quiet, she usually was at moments like this. As soon as Momo laid down, Mina was attached to her side though. Now that it didn’t feel like her heart was going to beat out of her chest, Momo took a moment to think. How many years has it been since Mina had a nightmare? Three easily? Was she stressed? 

She didn’t have to bring it up, because Mina was the one whispering, taking Momo off guard, “I think I did something wrong.”

“What did you do?”

“I messed up.” Mina mumbled. And that was it. By the time Momo turned her head to look at her, Mina’s eyes were already closing, her face pressing against Momo’s shoulder. The dogs seemed to calm down from the chaos that just happened, now laying against Mina. But Momo couldn’t help but try to figure out what Mina meant by that. Sure her grades were slipping, Jihyo had called her and talked to her about it. But Mina was never a good student, so Momo didn’t find it as concerning as she probably should have. Maybe she had a fight with her friends? Tzuyu hadn’t been around in a few days, which was really unusual. Momo would bring it up in the morning, Mina didn’t seem capable of being interrogated by her right now. Especially not as she was falling asleep. 

Sana snuck back in, Grumpy and Spooky in hand laying both the cats on the bed and finally made her way to Mina’s other side. Sana was tired, between work and having to wake up a few times already for the cat, it didn’t take her long at all to fall asleep. It was always funny to her, Sana was a really light sleeper. Literally the smallest of sounds would wake her up, while a tornado could hit the house and Momo wouldn’t even stir. But Sana always fell asleep quickly, she didn’t think at night like Momo did. She turned to watch Mina’s face, making sure it didn’t scrunch back up or she started to squirm.

Mina was never really in Momo’s plans. 

Now she would do anything for the girl, but when her and Sana first started dating she was under the impression she would be temporary. They were both just starting out, and honestly Momo wasn’t entirely sure if their relationship was going to work. Mina was supposed to go, and that was the end of it. Obviously things didn’t work out that way, and when Momo realized just how attached both Sana and Mina had become she was faced with a choice, suck it up and deal with it, or leave. 

For some reason she chose the former.

Hana had been the one to bring up adoption before surprisingly enough. The question came after a teary coming out while the dancer just hummed in acknowledgment. She knew that Hana was really just trying her best, but she entered the phase of asking really dumb questions just because she simply didn’t know how these things worked. But when she brought up how Momo was going to start a family when her and her partner lacked the necessary equipment, Momo had to sigh and go over all the different options available to her and her future wife. Hana had asked if she would want to adopt, just like they had been. 

At the time Momo said no. She has seen the treatment Suzy had gotten for not only having two adopted kids, but two foregin adopted kids. She knew how hard it was on them, especially since Hana had a really hard time adjusting. Momo was still young when they moved, just eight she didn’t understand exactly what was going on. It was easier for her. Hana, had a bit more trouble. She openly rejected acknowledging them as parents for a long time, even going as far as to speaking to Momo in Japanese in front of them just to make her translate. And quite frankly, she wanted a child that was  _ her’s,  _ that Momo carried and was part of her. She didn’t want to think about her child and be afraid because it was actually someone else’s kid. 

Hana brought it up years later while they were sharing wine in Sana’s apartment, watching as Mina ran around with the dogs after dressing them up. For the first time, Momo wasn’t sure. Mina had somehow wormed her way into Momo’s heart and the very thought of not having her around was incredibly upsetting. For every bit that Sana was attached to Mina, Momo was as well. 

After a certain amount of time however, Momo found herself forgetting Mina wasn’t hers. Sure she would have rude reminders such as when she would wake up crying or when Mina would mention her birth mother to Sana, but other than that it was never at the forefront of her mind. She was never jealous of the woman, quite frankly she pitied her. 

Marriage was only a piece of paper, a declaration of love. In some ways the adoption was the same. Momo didn’t need to have the adoption certificate to say that Mina was her daughter, well legally she did, but how can you determine something like that with just a dead tree? Mina was her daughter, she was reminded that at dinner every night when she would have to wipe the sauce off of Mina’s cheeks because she’d get a bit too excited and start getting it everywhere. She was reminded of it when the three of them curled up after dinner to watch TV. She was reminded of it when Mina would come up to her after a rough day and just curl up on her chest, the two of them chatting or just laying in silence. She was reminded as she and Nayeon cheered their heads off at Mina’s soccer games. She was reminded of it just when Mina would smile up at her and call her Mom. 

And being a Mom required sacrifices. 

The demotion wasn’t actually supposed to happen. Momo was the main breadwinner in the household, and her handsome check went and covered most of the bills while Sana’s went into savings and spending. Momo had briefly thought about it when Mina entered the first grade and developed serious separation anxiety. The departure of Jihyo from Mina’s daily life really rocked her, and it just got Momo thinking that maybe Mina would benefit from having a parent more often. Sure she had after school care with all her friends, even though Lucas, Tzuyu, and Sooyoung were just in there to hang out she knew they all treasured that time together. And it took a lot off the stress of Momo and Sana, it went all the way to six at night so they could finish there work days and a bit more if they were running a bit behind. At first she thought it was just one of her thoughts she tended to have, but the more she thought about it the more appealing it seemed. 

It came as a surprise to everyone when she announced it. Especially Sana, who actively tried to talk her out of it. It wasn't her worry for their finances that had prompted it, but Momo’s happiness. Momo loved her job, and she was well loved as well. Joohyun had even told her that she heard rumors about the prosecutor's office thinking about calling Momo back to make her a director. But then she just stepped down, and took on a lesser role and less hours. To everyone else it made no sense. To Momo, it did. 

She’ll never forget the first time she picked Mina up from school after that. Usually Dahyun would take her over their house until one of them got home and picked Mina up. So you can imagine Mina’s excitement when she saw Momo standing there as she walked out of the building hand in hand with Tzuyu. Her entire face lit up and she ran as fast as she could to her, practically climbing her like a tree until she was nestled in Momo’s arms. Mina was always on the smaller side back then, but she was starting to get just big enough she was getting a bit harder to carry. But she didn’t mind, instead she helped Mina into her arms as the girl happily relayed her day. 

Having more time for Mina, in Momo’s opinion, was what was necessary for them to start getting closer. She was never insecure about her position in Mina’s life, Mina was never shy about introducing her as her mother to friends and strangers, and the two of them were closer. But she could tell, Mina never trusted her completely and she would always be second to Sana. 

She could be run over twice and it would still hurt less than when Mina was scared of her. When Momo would get a bit too frustrated and lash out, she could understand why Mina would react the way she did. It was scary as a kid for an adult to be mad at you, especially for Mina. But when Mina would flinch like she was afraid Momo would hit her, Momo would have to walk away so she didn’t cry right then and there. But even sometimes when she’d do things that she didn’t even realize was wrong, such as playfully ticking Mina on the side would send her reeling and panicking for hours. She constantly had to feel like the bad guy, because Sana was mush and a pushover, and Momo had to fill the role of being the more strict parent. It was exhausting, and it hurt. 

But more time together had given them more time to get to know each other. It was the little things that let them understand each other, like grocery shopping together as Mina sat inside the cart and Momo pushed it. She’d hand Mina items and the younger would place them into the cart, the two of them joking around and bonding. She had nearly cried the first time Mina had shyly asked to buy some candy. It was really dumb actually how close Momo was to tears when Mina shyly pointed to a pack of skittles and asked if they could get one. Mina never asked for anything, which to Momo felt weird because she was used to kids asking for everything and then throwing fits if they didn’t get their way. Sana had explained it was because Mina was afraid to ask for more after they gave her so much, Momo just wanted her to feel comfortable. 

Homework was always Sana’s job, Mina got too frustrated too quickly when Momo tried to take the job over. But the two of them would fill their days with movies or board games, that never failed to surprise Momo by just how smart Mina was. Especially when Momo could get Mina talking about fish, she would start listing off all these types of different things and their functions. Momo understood very little of it but it was impressive. So Math wasn’t Mina’s best subject, that was okay. She was really smart in other areas. Momo had bought her a subscription to a kids magazine about the ocean as a gift for good grades, and it was so reassuring to see Mina be actually interested in learning for once. Momo got it. This was probably the area she understood more than Sana, she never did well in school either. But school wasn’t the only indicator of intelligence. 

As months started to go by of this new routine, there was a very noticeable shift in their dynamic. Sometimes Mina would wake her up instead of Sana when she wanted to climb into their bed, she would come home and gossip about school with her, she’d do things that reminded her so much of herself it was scary. 

She always thought it was funny, because out of the two of them Sana was the scarier looking one. She was covered in tattoos, she always wore black, and was a detective. Granted the woman was probably one of the most gentle people on the planet, just by appearance people should assume that she was the scarier one. But it was always Momo, Mina turned to for protection or when she needed someone to defend her. Like the time Yeri told her that kids were throwing Mina’s lunch away at school because they thought she was weird, Momo had never been so close to fighting a fourth grader. She had marched right to the school and yelled at both the kids and their parents right there in front of everyone, before taking Mina and went out to lunch with her. Or the time Mina admitted to her one of her teachers made a comment about their marriage, and Momo sent a very particularly worded email. Mina came to rely on her as someone she could count on, not just someone who was around all the time.

Momo started to feel less and less like a glorified babysitter, and more like an actual mother. Their bond reminded Momo a lot of how she felt with her own mother, it just felt different. And she was sure it wasn’t just her that felt that way.

The first time Mina opened up to her took her completely off guard. She had a tendency to talk to Sana about it, and then Sana would relay it to Momo to keep her in the loop. For the most part Mina didn’t seem to think about it all too much, she’d draw in her journal when she felt upset or talk it out at her appointments with Sunmi. Momo usually was not included in that process. But then one day they were just coloring on the floor and Mina started opening up to her. It was completely random, and Momo had no idea what to do. But it meant so much to her- she knew she had finally earned Mina’s trust. 

That’s when she knew she made it. That this was all worth something. Because Mina was fully embracing her and letting her walls down, it was just up to Momo to not fumble the ball. And she tried her very best not to. Sure there were a few setbacks, but she felt like she and Mina had a good relationship. 

Mina was really surprising sometimes. Sana and her always seemed to have a fear that Momo didn’t know how much they loved her. Mina would constantly be bringing her home flowers she found at school or little origami animals Tzuyu taught her how to make. It wasn’t much, but she knew Mina just wanted to remind her how much she loved her. It was sweet. She knew Momo hated eating alone, and sometimes would eat dinner with her even if it was a sleepover night at Tzuyu’s house. She never was really mean, or had a huge attitude. Honestly she was much more behaved than Momo was at that age. 

But she was just so damn stubborn sometimes. Momo got it, she really did. Mina wanted to be like other kids, she wanted to have them loosen the reigns and let her live. Momo understood. But it was just so damn scary sometimes. Mina had her first major depressive episode freshman year, and it was terrifying. She just started losing weight and would sleep all the time, Sana even commented that she thought she heard her crying in her room. Momo took it among herself to physically take Mina’s prescription and count all the pills out. It felt invasive, but that’s when she learned Mina had been skipping her antidepressants for nearly three weeks. She was disappointed, sure, but after she confronted Mina about it the girl confessed that she just wanted to feel normal. None of her friends had to do any of that, so why did she? 

For a while Momo thought it was something she did. That she made Mina feel other by trying to be cautious of her and her experiences. She just thought Mina had an okay relationship with mental health like Sana did. She probably should have probed her a bit more, but seeing as Sana was her biggest role model, she just assumed. Sana had gotten so much better and took it way more seriously, Momo couldn’t have been more prouder. For the most part Momo tried her best to let them be, she had certain boundaries that she wasn’t lenient on though. Like Sana’s gun stayed at work, she was not budging on that one. Nayeon used to make Sana keep it there after Eunha’s passing, and after they got married Momo put her foot down that it stayed there. She also kept a few medications in a cabinet in the kitchen, things for headaches, colds, and Mina’s daily medication. The majority was locked in the medicine cabinet in Sana and Momo’s shared bathroom upstairs. There were just certain precautions they had to take, not that Momo was particularly worried about either of them. She just wanted to be on the safe side. 

Mina was doing good though. All of them decided she could stop therapy last year, and even had Sunmi’s approval to do so. She seemed happy and healthy, and that’s all Momo wanted. Really Momo had very few regrets when it came to Mina. There were always the ones like she wished she gave her more, or she wished she was there more for her, but other than that there wasn’t much she was unsatisfied with. People always talked about growing up like you stopped doing it, that once you hit our twenties you were grown. But Momo disagreed, because now as she was starting to near her forties she still felt like she wasn’t done growing. While the path to take Mina in wasn’t the one she originally imagined, honestly she didn’t know where she would be without her. Sure she might be in a better place professionally, but raising Mina had taught her so many things about her and the world. How can you compete with that?

Even now as they all were squeezed into Mina’s full sized bed, she held little regrets. Mina’s facial expressions didn’t change, and that made Momo relax a little bit. Sana was out, Grumpy laying on her chest, his face resting on hers. She didn’t regret anything, she was just a bit tired. Suzy had said it was normal. She felt that way when they started getting older as well. But still, Momo felt guilty about it. She wouldn’t want Mina to know that she felt that way, especially over something she had no control over and had made so much progress with. She decided on staying up for just a little longer, entertaining Boo who was laying on the end of the bed looking up at her with her tail wagging.

Maybe there was something going on with Mina, and if there was, Momo would find out. She may just be stressed or something more, but Momo now had her eye on her. She’d call Sunmi in the morning and see if she needs to do anything more. She just couldn’t shake this small pit in her stomach that something was wrong, and it was getting worse. 

  
  



	17. Chapter 17

Sana looked like she was hit by a truck when Mina finally came downstairs to see her on the couch, spooky in her lap as she bottle fed the kitten. Her eyes were half closed, lazily making sure the kitten was latched and drinking properly. Spooky had woken Mina up too, meowing unhappily until Sana groaned and took her downstairs. Her and Momo had discussed that Spooky probably wasn’t going to be leaving, and that was okay. She seemed to make Sana happy and that's all she wanted for the detective. 

When she left the bed, Momo was still passed out, both her and Boo all curled up under the covers but she’d probably wake up soon. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could justify Sana being tired as Spooky’s fault, she couldn’t do the same for Momo. She knew she probably stayed up the entire night seeing if she was okay and thinking. Really she didn’t mean to wake them up, and the guilt of interrupting their sleep started to creep in. She really knew she should have just pulled an all nighter, going to sleep upset was never a good idea and this was just a reminder of that. But she wasn’t hurt this time, and looking at both her mothers it didn’t seem like she hurt them either. She had accidentally smacked both of them a few times when she woke up flailing around and it was something she was always really upset at herself with. 

Taking a seat next to Sana, she looked over at the woman chuckling as she tried to pull the now empty bottle away from the kitten. Sometimes the thought would just come into her mind unannounced and remind her of just how incredibly lucky she was to have her. That Sana was one of the best people on the planet who didn’t like seeing kids on the street, or even animals. Really Mina didn’t know how she did it, if she was her she would be miserable in life. Forgiveness was hard. But Sana seemed to have forgiven the people around her, and herself. She didn’t forget, but she forgave. How? Mina never forgave. She was still angry. If she forgave would she feel better? Sana told her she didn’t need to, that no one was entitled to that and she shouldn’t force herself to feel that way. Still- Sana had so much love she always wanted to give, she wanted to be like that too. 

And Momo. She was lucky to have her too. She was the parent Mina tended to clash the most with, but Mina always appreciated her. In her closet upstairs Mina had a light blue shoe box, almost overflowing with notes written from the woman. For years, Momo would pack her lunch and leave a note in there with a different message every day. The message would usually be similar in theme, that she was proud of her, that she was doing well, that she loved her. But she still held it close to her heart every time. Sometimes when she would feel particularly bad she’d take them out and reread them all, it was a habit she had ever since she was little, a way to get comfort from the lawyer without having to bother her. There were multiple days that those little notes were the only thing keeping her from bursting into tears throughout the school day. Momo had stopped writing her the notes when she was in the fourth grade after Mina snapped at her saying they were for babies. In reality she was just upset that the kids who would throw her lunch away would steal them and either rip them up or tease her about them, but in the moment it was just easier to blame her. Mina regretted it every day. 

She got up and made her way back upstairs, hearing the shower going. Oh, Momo was up. Going back into her room, both the dogs were still asleep. Which wasn’t really a surprise. They didn’t like to get up until they were about to be fed, as soon as the kibble hit their bowl they’d race downstairs as fast as they could. She shrugged on her uniform and quickly applied her daIly makeup. Before going downstairs to see Momo making her morning coffee. She looked really tired. She turned to Mina and offered her a smile, “Morning sunshine.”

“Morning.”

“Your bagel is on the table, I toasted it already.” Momo hummed, pouring some creamer into her cup. Waiting for Mina to sit down before sitting across from her. “What happened last night?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“I know. Why? Was something bugging you?” Momo frowned. “You haven’t had one in a long time.” 

Mina just shrugged. She was just a bit stressed out, that’s all. She had stayed up kinda late too, which didn’t help. She could see something in Momo’s eyes though, suspicion. It was the same look she had when Mina would watch her questions clients as she sat outside her office watching her work the days Mina had to tag along to her office. It didn’t feel great to be on the receiving end of that though. “No, it was probably because I was tired.”

“I thought your medication was supposed to prevent nightmares?”

Mina paused. How did she know? Momo just placed her pill on the table, and motioned towards it. 

“It is.”

“Take it right here then.” 

In reality Mina knew it wasn’t going to do anything, this would be her first time taking prescription in what? Two months? Three? Maybe even longer than that. She had lost track a long time ago. Momo wasn’t budging, watching her with a neutral expression, there was no way she was gonna get out of that. She sighed and popped the pill into her mouth, taking it down with some water.    
  
It wasn’t fair. Sana had gone off of medication a few years ago, why couldn’t she? It didn’t even work anymore, it just made her feel nauseous and didn’t very little to calm her down throughout the day. She could have told them, but she knew they would have just taken her to get a new prescription. It was just easier this way. Momo seemed satisfied with that, as Mina opened her mouth and lifted her tongue before slamming the glass of water down on the table. She almost didn’t register Sana sigh at that. She stomped over to her bag, picking it up. 

“I’ll drive you to school in a bit, you can just relax until I’m ready.” Sana hummed, taking a sip of her water. 

“It’s okay. I just want Lucas to pick me up.”

“Mina, he already came. It’s almost nine.” 

Oh. Well- she was just a bit confused. She got turned around last night that’s all. Honestly she barely even remembered what she dreamt about, she just remembered waking up and her moms being there trying to calm her down. Even now she felt a bit tired and confused. She nodded and made her way into the living room, pulling Ray up onto her lap so she could just relax with him for a few minutes. Momo followed her, sitting next to her, “Is there anything you wanted to talk about?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” 

Now Mina was starting to get mad. She clearly showed Momo she didn’t want to talk, and walked out of the room. She let her fingers go through Ray’s fur, he helped calm her down a little bit. 

Momo went quiet for a couple of seconds before continuing, “Did you get into trouble?”

“No.”

“Last night you told me you did something wrong.”

“I was half asleep. I didn’t know what I was saying.” That was a lie. And she hated lying. Momo just sighed, sensing that Mina didn’t want to speak at all. She nodded, before walking out of the room. Sana didn’t speak during the car ride to school, instead they listened to a kitten podcast. Mina couldn’t tell if she was upset with her, she was probably just tired. Yeah, that was it. So was Mina. 

…

“You cheated!”

“No I did not!” 

Mina rolled her eyes and nursed back a bit more of the whiskey that was being passed around. Lucas’s parents were out for the weekend, something about a conference for surgeons that Mark went along for. Honestly Mina had no clue she wasn’t really listening. But that was good news for them, it had been a minute since they were able just to hang out. Sure, for some reason Tzuyu decided to bring Elkie along, and Mina really just wanted to go home and sleep, it was still fun. 

They were laid out in Lucas’s fully furnished basement, the bottle of whiskey he stole from his fathers collection being passed around the six of them. Yeri was feeling it, she was always the one to get drunk the fastest, and honestly Mina wasn’t all too far behind. Lucas was fine, and so was Sooyoung, but that wasn’t really a fair comparison because the two of them could drink their body weight in alcohol and be fine. Should she be drinking after she took her medication that morning, emm, maybe not. She didn’t really care though. Lucas had even taken the time to set up little fairy lights to make everything pretty, he was very particular like that which Mina respected a lot. It was a bit funny, because honestly he was the type of guy Mina avoided like the plague: Tall, baseball player, as Sooyoung would put it, a “casanova”, but he was just...soft? She wasn’t sure if that was even the right way to describe him. She had no issues being alone with him when just the two of them decided to hang out, she had no issues giving him her drinks at parties, he almost felt like a brother. They all did. 

Mina took another sip as she watched Yeri step up on the couch before jumping on to Lucas who just barely dodged the flying elbow. Dorks. Sooyoung just lived to egg them on constantly, but usually she was the one who was arguing with Yeri so Mina had no idea why she lived to annoy both of them so much. They had tacked up a big white sheet to the wall and somehow connected Lucas’s ancient Wii to a projector and was playing Mario Kart on the wall. She passed the bottle to Elkie who just gave her a thankful smile. Damn, she was really starting to feel it now. There was no doubt in her mind her face was starting to take on a red glow, just like Yeri’s was. That was a problem for tomorrow when she went to their game, but for now she was having fun. 

“Mina! Come here!” Lucas called out, holding out a controller for her. “We’re gonna play tennis, I want you as my partner.”

“Bro, look at her stumble. She can barely walk.” 

“Shut up Yeri.”

Mina got up off the carpet and grabbed the controller, making a show out of snapping the wristband on to her wrist. If her estimations were correct she had about a half hour until the whiskey sey in and she was going to make the most of it. Elkie and Tzuyu were chatting among themselves in quiet mandarin, and honestly Mina was a bit annoyed Tzuyu even brought her along. Elkie didn’t understand the concept of personal space and was always really close to Tzuyu. It was just annoying. “Okay, let’s roast these fools.”

“You guys are screwed.” Lucas smiled, and started the match. 

And three rounds later, it was undeniable that Mina was mopping the floor with them all. Was she seeing double of the TV, most definitely, but they should have known better than challenge video game master Hirai Mina herself. They were loud, and rowdy but no one really cared. It was nice to just have an hour where she didn’t have to work on anything. She could relax and yell, and have fun. Lucas picked Mina up and spun her around, laughing loudly as Yeri demanded yet another rematch after losing again. Her words were slurred, so Mina wasn’t entirely sure if it was the whiskey or her pride speaking at this time. 

“One more time, one more time.” Yeri put her hand on Mina’s shoulder, “I slipped and that messed us up.”

“You just suck.” Lucas shot back.

“No! Unlike Mina I have a life so I don’t play videogames all the time.”

“Bro, Mina spends her time with you. You two have the same life.”

“Shut up.” Sooyoung stepped in between them, which was probably a good decision before the two of them started to fist fight. Again. Yeri just pouted and sat down, Lucas following her, then Sooyoung and Mina. They looked over to see Tzuyu and Elkie collecting their things and starting to make their way over to the door. 

“Where are you guys going?” Sooyoung asked, causing them both to stop in their tracks. They all had an agreement, if they were going to drink over someone’s house then they all needed to stay and sleepover. No driving, no biking, no walking. It was just safer that way. The rule was enforced after Mina wound up two blocks away crying about how cute the ducks at the pond were. Not her proudest moment. 

“Oh we’re just going over Elkie’s house.” Tzuyu hummed, “I didn’t drink, and she only had a little.”

“Just be careful. Text us when you get there.”

“Ay-yi captain.” Tzuyu locked eyes with Mina for a split second before Mina broke the contact and looked at the floor. The door closed and Tzuyu was gone. Mina really fucked up. She fucked up so bad. 

The other three broke off into quiet chatter, talking over their lives and what was going on. Between work, dance, and soccer practice, it almost felt like Mina didn’t really get to see them anymore. And as annoying as they were, she really missed their company. Sooyoung was getting a lot better in soccer, Jihyo’s drills seemed to be working out a lot better than MIna originally thought they were. They were second in the division and poised to make at the very least playoffs. Mina really just needed to take a week off though, she already talked to Hana and they both agreed she needed to rest her knee for a week before it got worse. She wondered if Jihyo would be as understanding. Lucas was doing well too. He finally settled down a bit and had a girlfriend. Yeri- was yeri. Enough said about that. 

“My mom’s restaurant might close.” Sooyoung frowned, causing the three of them to look over at her. Seulgi’s restaurant was great. She was officially made the owner when they were in the fifth grade, and they would always go there after school for snacks. 

“Why?”

“Grandma is sick, and it’s not very busy anymore.” 

“Maybe I can get my Dads to help a bit.” Lucas suggested.

“She won’t take anything. Jihyo is stressed out, so she’s trying to do private tutoring.” Sooyoung sighed, “I heard them talking about asking my dad for a loan.”

“He’s still around?”

“No, he moved to the states a few years ago. I don’t really care.” It definitely sounded like she did care. They knew better than to press though. Sooyoung didn’t like talking about that whole situation, and bringing it up only got her angry. “How about you three, how’s life?”

How was life? Life kinda sucked right now. She didn’t even want to get into it right now. It wasn’t even that she didn’t trust them, it was just that the more you tell people the bigger the potential you have of that information getting out to the wrong people. She told Tzuyu about her mom, that should be enough. Tzuyu was good for advice...when she talked to her. She didn’t even realize all of them looking over at her, until she looked up, “What.”

“You look a bit stressed.”

“Okay you guys cannot freakout.”

“We won’t.”

“I kissed Tzuyu.”

“That’s not good.”


	18. Chapter 18

“Do you need help?” Sana hummed standing in Mina’s doorway, eyes looking over the absolute mess that was her room. 

Typically Mina kept her room pretty tidy, she herself not liking the complete and utter mess that seemed to draw in others her age. Sana’s room was pretty clean as a teen, but she didn’t really have a choice. Mina’s room was her area and as long as their shared areas were kept clean she could care less about the state of her room. But this kinda bugged her, empty plates and cups were discarded around it, dirty clothes littered the floor. It just didn’t seem like Mina. 

Their youngest took her eyes off of her PC and looked over at Sana, “With what?”

“You said you were going to pack an overnight bag for Nayeon’s.” Sana gently reminded, making her way in to start picking up dirty clothes and stuffing them into Mina’s hamper. Mina had made her way into her room saying she was going to do that, to which they just hummed in acknowledgement because they needed to do some last minute packing themselves. Their flight to Hawaii left the next morning, and Momo had nearly strangled Sana when she found out the woman had barely packed. 

“I was,” Mina let out a groan when her character was killed and she just turned off the game, Sana’s eyes widening at the scantily clad anime girl that was her desktop background. Nope. She wasn’t even going to start on that. When did she change it to that, and more importantly why? Was this a teenage hormone thing? A self image thing? Sana was going to stay out of this one. Mina sighed, “Why can’t I stay home?”

“Your mom and I talked about it and she just doesn’t feel comfortable leaving you home alone for so long.” Sana picked up a few plates and stacked them on top of eachother, “I mean I don’t really blame her. All you’ve been doing lately is camping out here. At least you can hang out with the twins, they like having you around. Plus Joohyun said you can spend some time over her house if you want to spend some time with Yeri. Or you could go over Tzuyu’s…”

Sana had barely seen the taller girl in weeks, which was strange. And basing off of Mina’s reaction when she said her name, they must be fighting because she didn’t have a good reaction to it. Sana guessed that was normal for teenage girls to fight, she had argued with her friends a lot in highschool. Granted most of it was purely based on her taking out the stress of not being okay with her sexuality and living situation on other people, she assumed other kids did something similar. 

Sometimes she felt useless in trying to understand Mina. Things were so different for her at her age, and she was glad they were. She would never want to put Mina into the position that she was in, never wanted her to worry about where she was going to sleep, if she was going to eat that day, if she needed to sacrifice her wellbeing for survival. Sana had no choice but to be in the situation she was in, and that meant a lot of the regular highschool things went to the wayside. 

For years she mourned a life she could have had. She could have had a good school experience, become cheer captain, go to college, go into the field she wanted to. The past few years she didn’t feel that way, resigning to an everything happens for a reason philosophy. Still, there were times like this she couldn’t understand Mina and how she felt, and that was hard for her. It was hard to know she couldn’t hold Mina’s hand and guide her through life the way she used to be able to, that now she had to stand a few steps behind her with her arms out just in case Mina stumbled and fell. 

She stepped around her, eyes once again locking on to that desktop screensaver. She ripped her eyes away and opened up Mina’s curtains, she needed to get some light in here. Even if the sun was just starting to set. “Who’s that?”

“Who?”

“The lady on your desktop?”

“Oh that’s Lux.”

“Lux?”

“Yeah she’s a champion from league of legends,” Mina looked over at the picture. Looking around the room, Mina did have a lot of ladies around it. Momo had once commented that she had a suspicion that Mina was as straight as she liked to make them believe. Maybe Sana was starting to believe her. She looked at Mina’s desk and the couple of gundam models she had, along with a few different anime and video game character figurines. She was starting to put together a pattern. She didn’t think about it too much, it didn’t really matter either way to her. That was Mina’s business. 

“Do you want me to put your bike in the car or keep it over here. Nayeon’s place is a bit far to bike to and from work to, maybe she can give you a ride?”

“My bike is over Tzuyu’s.”

“Go grab it then?”

“I’m not talking to her.” Mina frowned, “Plus Elkie is over.” 

Elkie? Sana looked out of Mina’s window to see that there was a car parked in the driveway she was unfamiliar with and there were a few other girls in the window. Before Sana could push that subject further Mina just picked up her bag and opened it up, “I don’t need to pack everything right? I can come home to grab more things.”   
  
“Yeah. The dogs are going over too.”   
  
“Kookeu is going to hate that.”

“True.” Sana giggled, picking out a few things of pajamas from Mina’s drawer. “Spooky is going to be going over too. Just text me about how she’s doing a few times a day. She’s gained a good amount of weight, I’m just a bit nervous to leave her alone.” 

“I will.” Mina hummed, she looked tired. Sana wondered if she was sleeping okay, she had heard her gaming really late the past couple of nights when she got up to feed Spooky. Maybe Momo did have a point for wanting Mina to be watched during their trip. She was surprised that the woman just didn’t suggest rescheduling it if she was so worried about her. “I’m going to come home to feed Grumpy and my fish twice a day anyway.”

“Why are you not talking to Tzuyu?” Sana asked softly, helping roll up the pajamas and place them into her bag. She studied Mina’s posture, how she got a bit tense. She had something to hide, Sana could see it. Years as a detective have trained her to be attentive to body language, years as Mina’s mother has made her an expert in hers. Mina was never good at keeping secrets. 

“I think I might have done something bad to her.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

Mina paused. She stopped on the shirt she was folding up and played with the hem on it. She looked nervous, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. She stayed quiet, instead placing the shirt inside the bag. 

“Is it really bad?” Sana encouraged, “I promise I won’t be mad. I’ll just try to help.”

Mina looked down before looking back up at her, and Sana almost faltered when she saw the insecurity brimming in them. Mina looked really nervous, which either meant she did something really bad or convinced herself she did something really bad. She wasn’t sure which was worse. 

“Mina?”

“I kissed her.”

_ Oh.  _ Sana was definitely not ready for that confession. 

“I-I got stood up on a date and she came and we did everything I was supposed to. I don’t know, she was just really nice, got me a gift, and she just looked really pretty. So I leaned in and kissed her without asking.” It came tumbling out of Mina like a broken pipe, the words rushed and strung together so bad Sana almost couldn’t understand her, “And then I pulled away, and I just ran. I ran to Hana’s and that’s why she drove me home. I can’t even look her in the eyes anymore. I made a mistake. I told our friends, and they agreed that this is bad. Because they think she’s dating Elkie.”

Woah. Sana had to take a moment to take that all in. That was a lot. She patted the bed next to her, they could wait on packing for a little bit. Mina took a seat and so did Sana. She nodded a few times trying to wrap her head around all that. Okay, she probably should have expected something like this, Mina has always had a bit of a crush on Tzuyu. And okay, now the screensaver was starting to make a lot more sense. 

“Hey, hey, slow down.” Sana hummed, “Okay. So you kissed Tzuyu, did you talk to her about it?”

“Why would she want to talk to me?” Mina put her face into her hands, “I didn’t ask her permission or anything I just did it. She probably feels so weird about me.”

That sounded a lot more layered than Sana would feel comfortable with. Carefully she reached forwards and took Mina’s hands away from her face, wrapping her hands around them and rubbed comfortingly. “Why do you think she’d feel really weird about you?”

“I-” Mina’s jaw clenched, “I would feel weird.”

Sana understood immediately. She didn’t even think Mina connected things together half the time but she did, and Sana could always see the big red string connecting the past to present that had coiled around her. No matter how many times she tried to cut it, unwrap herself, it never seemed to let go. She sighed, “I think she might just want to talk to you. You can’t just assume the worst and then expect it to be actually that.”

“Mom.” 

“I’m serious. I think you’re overthinking everything.” Sana didn’t like the tears that were welling up in Mina’s eyes. She reached up and brushed on away as it just started to fall. “Just talk to her. You might be surprised.”

“How?”

“Just call her and say you want to talk? If I know Tzuyu she’s probably dying to talk to you too.” Sana offered her a soft smile, something warm bubbling in her chest. “I’m proud of you.”

“Why?”

“I think you’re very brave for telling me this. Thank you Mina. Thank you for trusting me.” Sana hummed, pulling her in closer to just hold her tight. She let her chin rest on Mina’s head as she rubbed a hand up and down her back, “So, are you gay?”

“I’m not sure.”

“That’s okay.” Sana assured quickly, “You don’t need to know right now, it’s not a big deal. You know if you have any questions you can ask me right? Or momma if you want.”

“I’m just a little confused right now. Like I always found girls pretty and I wanted to kiss them, but- I just thought it would pass.”

Sana shrugged, “Sometimes it doesn't, that's okay. What’s important is that you’re happy.”

They sat like that for a good hour, just chatting over everything. Sana tried her best to answer any and all of the questions no matter how niche they seemed to be. As the conversation progressed she found out a little bit more of the situation. Apparently she told her friends what happened and while they didn’t make Mina feel less than, they did express their concern about how everything that went down and how they were both acting could either turn out okay or completely ruin them and Mina had just taken that to heart. Plus she was getting the feeling that Mina was as okay with her sexuality as she was trying to make it seem. She got it, she wasn’t okay with it for a while and felt weird expressing herself even around a supportive environment like Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Jackson. 

When Sana came out, she was dragged down the stairs by her hair crying out as her body slammed painfully on step after step down the entire length of the wood staircase, had a trash bag pushed into her chest so hard it left her wheezing, then thrown out into a random mid January night still dressed in her cheer outfit that offered very little warmth. She was thrown out like trash, like something defective. Like there was something wrong with her. It made her hate herself for a very long time.

When her child came out, she just held her and told her she was okay and that she still loved her. She tried to show her that she was perfect the way she was and that nothing is different about her. Tried to tell her she had worth, that she was okay with who she was, and would support her. There was no screaming, no pain, nothing. Just her holding her daughter reassuring her and telling her everything sixteen year old Minatozaki Sana would have given anything to hear. 

Eventually Momo came into the room an hour later, and Sana had to end the conversation much earlier then she would have originally liked her. Their suitcases were packed already, the dogs were leashed, everything was ready. They finished packing up Mina’s bag quickly and followed her down stairs, only after promising they would continue this conversation after Sana was back home. The drive to Nayeon’s was pretty quiet, Mina and Momo haven’t really talked after the whole pill incident. Mina was really upset with her to the point that even Sana thought it was a bit of an overreaction.

They dropped off Mina at Nayeon’s place along with the animals. After Nayeon assured Sana three whole times she understood how to care for Spooky and that she would text her if anything went wrong and she would keep her away from the dogs and Bombi. Mina was still a bit grumpy about having to stay with Nayeon instead of home like what was originally planned, but the twins seemed ecstatic to see her bouncing around her feet and excitedly chatting to her. 

Sana pulled Mina in for one last hug, making sure to press a gentle kiss on her forehead, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Text me if you need anything. I’ll keep my ringer on so I’ll respond all the time.”

“Go have fun.” Mina smiled, and for the first time in a while it seemed genuine. 

Sana went back into the car next to Momo and looked back at them as they stood outside of Nayeon’s house and waved. She waved back. She turned to Momo and smiled signalling it was okay for her to drive off. She shouldn’t have ignored the little pit in her stomach. 


	19. Chapter 19

After ten years of marriage you would think Momo would at least be a little used to Sana’s antics by now. You would be wrong. To her credit Sana did pretty well on the eight hour plane ride, even if she did have Momo’s hand in a death grip for about five hours of it and Momo was pretty sure she would start crying when they hit a patch of turbulence. They finally touched down in Hawaii, and Sana had clapped. She was one of those people. 

Quite frankly the plane ride to Hawaii had to be the longest time they’ve just sat and chatted in months. It was nice, to see Sana make stupid comments at the movie they had playing, or for her to just hold her hand and let her thumb rub along the back of her hand. It still felt a bit strange for it to be the two of them, not to be glancing over as Mina slept soundly through the flight like she did every time they took to her parent’s house or Japan. It’s always just been the three of them: Sana, Momo, and Mina. MiSaMo as Wendy liked to playfully refer to them as. As ecstatic as she was to finally have some alone time with Sana, there was still this little fear that gnawed at her; this was going to be her first time meeting Sana for who she is and only that. Sounds a bit funny based on the fact that they’ve been married for a decade, but sometimes it just felt like she never really got to know just Sana. It was always Sana with Mina. That was sometimes a bit intimidating. 

  
It was pretty clear that Sana felt the same way as well, texting Mina as soon as they landed and promising to call her when it was morning in Korea. As much as Momo felt like they needed this trip, something just didn’t settle right with her. Mina was just acting strange lately, and it was really starting to scare her. Why she was so upset with her about the whole pill thing was still a mystery to her, was she embarrassed she was caught? Sana seemed that she was at as much of a loss as she was about the whole thing. Sana trusted Nayeon though, and while that didn’t do much to ease Momo’s worries she was sure Mina would be okay for a few days. She hoped.

They needed this. They both knew that. There was something wrong, if it was just a simple gear failing or a whole system malfunction was to be determined, Momo was just afraid to find out. Still she looked over at Sana’s wide smile as they finally stepped out of the airport, bags in hand and the hawiian sun finally hit her face. Sana had always talked about wanting to come here, to bring Mina and take her snorkeling to see the fish, to go to the beach, to hold Momo’s hand as they walked through the streets. Momo wasn’t sure what exactly took them so long to actually come. They had money, they had more vacation days than they knew what to do with, so why?

Sana’s fingers wrapped around her as the younger woman hailed a taxi, before letting go and helping the driver place the bags in the back of the cab. They didn’t speak much about the car ride to the hotel, Sana was too busy having her face pressed to the glass watching the palm trees and fauna go by. But when they finally arrived they quickly realized that maybe studying a bit on the plane was not going to be enough. Not when they were standing in front of the front desk lady who just looked back at her expectantly. 

“Uh-” Sana sent a little panicked look to Momo, “We have room. Here.” 

Momo smiled, she was really doing her best. English had never been her best subject, she already spoke two languages fluently why learn a third she wouldn’t use? It made no sense. Apparently Sana was a better student then she was. The girl at the desk smiled, “Oh, what’s your name?”

“Sana Hirai.” 

“I see, right here. Sana Hirai, single bed.” She smiled, maybe a bit too much at Sana. This always happened. People would flirt with Sana right in front of Momo and she would have to fight back the urge to not just fight them right then and there. She never considered herself a jealous lover by any means, but Sana was always just so clueless about it. A girl could sit in her lap and she wouldn’t think a thing of it. They retrieved their key, and Momo made a show of grabbing Sana’s hand as they walked away. She hoped this wouldn’t happen a lot. 

It did. It happened so much. At the cafe, on the street, even in the bathroom, Momo was about to just put Sana in one of those giant inflatable hamster balls where no one could reach her and Momo wouldn’t have to worry about these things. But Sana never even spared them a second glance, always just having eyes for only Momo. It was Sana’s idea to go walk around, maybe find a gift to bring back home to Mina. 

Of course she would get distracted. 

“No.” Momo laughed out as Sana looked back at her with this big obnoxious straw hat on her head. She knew exactly where that was going, knew that Sana would take a glance at the price tag and if she deemed it reasonable would proceed to wear it for the rest of the trip. Momo loved Sana, but she wasn’t sure if her pride could handle walking around with her wife cosplaying the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. 

“It’s cute.” Sana pouted, placing the hat back down and walked back over to her. 

“It’s really not. Why don’t you buy one of those hats?”

“Because I’m going to get a sunburn if I wear one of those.”

“You’re such a baby.”

Sana just shrugged looking around the little night market. It was already night, and the whole place was lit up and still full of life. “You know what this reminds me of?”

“What?”

“Our first date.”

Momo looked around, it kinda did. She was glad Sana and her went to some random festival their first date, she couldn’t imagine trying to sit through an entire dinner with her. For some reason she really stuck with her that night, something about Sana just drew her in and didn’t let her go. 

It’s been a decade but Sana didn’t change a bit. She got more mature, but that was really it. She was still the woman Momo fell in love with. Sometimes that felt hard to believe, other times it just felt natural. So she just followed as Sana wanted to look at every single stand, pick up and play with little toys or beg Momo to let her buy the only ugly piece of clothing on the table. After the fifth rejection Sana sighed and looked over at her, “What would you like to do Mrs.Grumpy Pants.”

Sana followed her line of sight to a tattoo shop, eyes widening as she looked back at Momo. “You want to get a tattoo?”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a while actually.” 

That was the truth. To be completely honest she wasn’t a fan of Sana’s tattoos at first, she understood her covering up her scar but they just kept coming with no warning. However it was Sana’s body and she was in position to tell her what she could and couldn’t do with it. Slowly she fell in love with them however, finding the art charming and quite frankly really hot. Summer nights were Sana would just wear a sports bra and shorts to bed she could just stare at the art and trace a finger over the line work while Sana whined that it tickled. 

The thought had been kinda floating around her head for a bit now, just something small. She couldn’t have it anywhere noticeable however because that would not be a great look in court. But maybe they could just peak in and see what they had. She nodded, and Sana sighed. 

“I didn’t bring my numbing cream.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one who is worried?”

“Right.”

And with that Momo pulled Sana across the street by her hand and entered the shop saying a quick hello to the person at the front desk. After a pretty lengthy conversation entirely supported by Papago translator, the two of them had decided on a small tattoo on the inside of their wrist. Sana would get half a moon, and Momo would get half a sun that when placed together would make a full piece, almost like yin and yang. That wasn’t Sana’s first choice, she had found a tattoo of a duck and a frog she really wanted to share with Momo but Momo put her foot down and said she wasn’t going to get a cartoon frog on her arm. 

She couldn’t believe she forgot how funny Sana could be at times. How she bit her lip and tried to stay as still as possible as soon as the needle touched her skin, how she was sweating so bad, she occasionally whined and had to tap out to take a break. Hirai Sana, the one who was shot, who has various scars on her body from being slashed at and the one on her back from being dragged down stairs, was afraid of a little needle going into her skin. She was pretty sure Sana would pass out at some point. Yeah it hurt, but it wasn’t too bad. Momo just sat through it. 

There was just something about sitting in the chair, watching Sana that made her feel ten years younger. She couldn’t understand how she forgot about the childish glint in her eyes, as she looked at everything in wonder. Couldn’t believe the little butterflies she felt whenever Sana laughed had faded until she barely even noticed they were there. She felt them. They were welcomed. By the end she was extremely satisfied with their tattoos, even though Sana definitely needed a soda or she’d pass out on the walk home. She always heard getting matching tattoos was a bad idea, but strangely she didn’t regret it one bit.

...

Sana barely lasted three days without caving and calling Nayeon just after they woke up it was nearly nine at night there, and she wasn’t sure if it was a good time because it was right around the twins bedtime, and Auntie Sana interrupting was sure to get them up and hyper. But she saw Nayeon relaxing with a glass of wine on the couch, her new bangs a bit unkempt but that was to be expected when she was constantly trying to keep up with two hyperactive ten year olds. 

_ “Did Mina call you?” _ That was the first thing that came out of Nayeon’s mouth, she just sounded tired. 

“Huh? We talked when we landed but I haven’t talked to her since.” Sana paused, “Was she supposed to?”

_ “She said she was going to.”  _ Nayeon took a sip of her wine and shrugged,  _ “She probably forgot. How’s Hawaii?” _

“It’s good. I got this last night-” Sana nearly burst out laughing when she held the camera to her new tattoo, Nayeon choked on her wine and sat up straight.

_ “I let you out of my sight for three days, three days only and you already are running off and doing these things.”  _ Nayeon rubbed her temple and sighed,  _ “Lord give me strength because I don’t think I’m strong enough to do these things alone. Amen.” _

“I hate you so much. It’s not even bad, we went to a real shop-”

_ “WE?! Please tell me you didn’t rope poor wonderful Momo into your schemes.” _

“Technically it was me who roped her into my schemes.” Momo hummed stretching and placed a lazy kiss on Sana’s shoulder as the detective started to sit up.

_ “It was a real shop right? Not some shack on the side of the road? Oh my god, you two need to get tested when you come home.” _

“Unnie, it’s fine. It was a real shop, everything was sterile. I don’t get why you freak out over my tattoos. What if the twins got a tattoo?”

_ “Don’t even start to manifest that please.”  _ Nayeon groaned as Sana moved to set the phone down and start picking out her outfit for the day. 

“Where’s Mina?” Sana hummed setting the phone down as she started going through her bag. She didn’t see the way Nayeon’s eyebrow moved, but Momo did. It just felt odd. 

_ “Her and Jeongyeon are out right now.” _

“Really?’ Sana hummed, “I’m glad they’re not arguing.”

_ “Yeah.” _

“Do you know when she’s going to be home?”

_ “I have no idea. Her bir- actually we can just talk about it when you’re home.” _

Sana looked up as Nayeon looked away and picked up a sleepy looking Hyunjin, setting him in her lap, “Should I be worried?”

_ “Don’t even think about it until you’re home. Just enjoy your time. Right Hyun? Say hi to Auntie Sana and Auntie Momo.” _

The conversation continued on, it just felt strange. It was weird to be the entire world away from the ones you loved. Nayeon was definitely not saying something, Sana had known her long enough to know her nervous habits when she was trying to lie by now. It was probably about Tzuyu. Maybe they fought again or Mina confessed and was rejected. Either way that was something Momo and her could handle. 

She actually downloaded a book on her phone about how to raise a gay kid, which Momo just looked at her funny when she saw because she herself was a gay kid- but Momo just didn’t get it. She wanted Mina to feel safe, to feel comfortable, she didn’t want her to sob at the very thought of maybe liking girls like she had for so many years. If a crush on Tzuyu was the worst thing she was up to, Sana considered herself lucky. 

By the time she and Nayeon hung up it was just turning ten and she knew the woman wanted to go to sleep soon, after a tease about how old Nayeon was getting they parted ways. That left Momo to wrap her arms around Sana and pull her in tight, pressing against her back. “It’s supposed to rain today.”

“Is it?” Sana couldn’t remember the last time she was this close to Momo, to feel her breath on her ear. It felt good. 

“Why don’t we just stay here?”

“I thought we were gonna see the fish?”

“You’re unbelievable.” Momo broke away from her a bit, a gentle chuckle on her lips. “You do know I brought a special friend in my luggage right?”

It was Sana’s turn to turn bright red. How the hell did she even get that thing through security? She turned around just for Momo to wrap her arms around her neck and look at her, Momo was so beautiful. It was little moments like this that hit her, reminded her of just how lucky she was to have her in her life. Momo would always tut over her appearance, whining and paying Mina a quarter per white hair she plucked out, buying new skin creams for wrinkles that surely would appear. Sana always had to gently remind her she wasn’t even forty yet, she still had some time before she needed to worry about that stuff. 

Momo was just Momo. There was no other way to describe her. Sana had come to terms with the fact that she was her soulmate a long time ago. 

It just- to feel Momo slipping through her fingers and she didn’t even know what she did wrong was painful. To hear that Momo might have not loved her anymore when every single one of her cells was still painfully in love with her threatened to break her. But there were moments like this. In the quiet when it was just the two of them that Sana could start to see the love seep back into Momo’s eyes, how she didn’t look at her like she was a stranger anymore. She was glad she kept holding on. She was even more so glad Momo did. 

...

It did rain, it rained a lot. She could hear the raindrops crash against the window of their room, and that’s what eventually drew Momo from her sleep. She slowly opened her eyes and was met with a suspiciously empty room. She sat up a bit more and glanced at the clock, it was nearly two in the morning. Where was Sana? Momo hated when she did things like this, she understood the woman’s wanderlust but still it was time to bed. She was going to get herself killed one of these times, and honestly Momo wouldn’t be mad. 

Upon a further expectation there was a little note in Sana’s neat handwriting that she left to go explore the hotel a bit. Momo just sighed, put on her (Sana’s) oversized hoodie, grabbed a key, and left to go after her. In a stroke of blind luck, she found her in the lobby sitting at the piano, her hands gently playing out a song that Momo has never heard before. 

Sana didn’t play piano often, they only found out at a christmas party over the Son’s when Jeongyeon told her to play some carols on Dahyun’s nice piano they kept in the living room. Momo remembers seeing home much her fingers shook as she tried to get through one song, how she made up an excuse half way through. Nayeon had smacked Jeongyeon on the shoulder and told her off about how Sana hasn’t played since Eunha’s death. 

Sometimes Momo wonders how much of Sana died when she did, sometimes she thinks she's too afraid to find out. 

She just stood there watching Sana entertain herself by tapping away, listening to the steady drizzle of rain outside and the waves crash upon the sand. Sana was something. Sana was Sana, there was no other way to describe it. 

When Sana offered Momo her heart, it was shattered. Held together by pieces of scotch tape and gorilla glue, with pieces falling off and being crushed beyond recognition that Sana simply did not care to pick up anymore. She used to, Momo could tell the scars that littered her fingers from where sharp shards had dug themselves into her flesh. She had just given up, resigning to letting them fall and break over and over again until nothing remained. 

Mina had a few pieces of Sana’s heart she had saved from the floor when they met. But Mina’s own heart, too big for her body, was broken too. Spider webbing of cracks ran down the side breaking off into this collage of shattered glass that just somehow managed together. All except for this little hole that Momo watched Sana break some more of her own off to try and fit in there to make it whole again. Took the tape that was holding it together off and gave some to Nayeon who’s heart just had three tiny cracks in it, started to try to pick up the broken pieces as if she was afraid too much was missing already. 

Momo took her heart for what it was. It was mangled, it was broken, but it was still Sana. The ragged edges made her skin break and bleed, and she had to bite back cries of pain as she reached down and made herself try to pick up all the broken pieces. She just didn’t know how much it would hurt. Over the years it healed itself, while Momo could still see the seams of where she tried to desperately glue all the pieces back together, it was whole. 

She watched the small smile make it’s way onto Sana’s face as she gently swayed with the music. 

  
She had no regrets for any of it. She just never realized how hard it could be to try and put someone else’s heart back together. It didn’t hit her all at once, but over time it became apparent to her how hard it truly was. Pulling away from friendships, pausing her career, it wasn’t easy. She just felt...isolated. Was that the word for it? 

Sana just had so much heart. And while her heart was repaired now, it was so big that sometimes Momo had a hard time carrying it around. How Sana would come home with a bouquet of peonies just because she thought of Momo throughout the day, how Sana would stay up to listen to her rant about clients even though she could see how exhausted she was, how Sana always just wanted to do right by her. She wasn’t a perfect person and they definitely had their disagreements, but she was kind, she was fair, she was everything Momo ever wanted. So why did she just feel so...empty?

Maybe Sana was right. Maybe she did hold a certain amount of resentment towards her because of the things she gave up. Momo always dreamed about having a big family, about raising a bunch of kids and coming home to this family she could call her own. But Sana wasn’t ready, and when she was things just didn’t work out the way she would have liked. Looking back it was a bit silly, but she was genuinely a bit afraid that Sana would want to leave after they heard the news. She knew that Sana wanted to have a family too. But Sana was just so not about carrying, and maybe she did resent her a bit for that. 

Maybe she was a bit resentful that she was the one that had to step down at work, or count Mina’s pills, or always just be the bad guy. It wasn’t fair to Sana, but that’s just how Momo felt. She was only human after all. She had just tried to push it down so far and deep that she wouldn’t have to think about it again, not realizing that it still would hurt. It always did. 

She wondered if Sana noticed the cracks on her own heart. 

Sana did. She always did. 

She tried her best to mend them together, to stop the spread of them at the cost of her own heart. Momo could tell because she could see new cracks forming on Sana’s. But Sana never complained. Family is about letting others be strong for you, to lessen that burden you’re forced to carry. Suzy said that once to Sana and it always stuck with her. Maybe the burden lied with Momo on this one though. Maybe it was time to put herself first for this once, maybe see a therapist or make some new friends. Maybe it was okay to be a little selfish. They would understand, that’s what Sana has been trying to tell her for years. 

Gently she approached, sitting next to Sana who just looked over at her, smiled, and stopped playing. Momo looked down at the keys, “That was nice, whatever you were just playing.”

“I came up with it a really long time ago.”

“What’s it about.”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“You should play it again, maybe you’ll realize.” Momo suggested, and Sana just smiled letting her fingers go back on the keys. 

Slowly Momo let her head rest on Sana’s shoulder as she started playing the song again. The melody was almost bittersweet, but not too powerful or overwhelming. It took her back to when she was twenty-seven and falling love with her soulmate. She simply just closed her eyes and listened, letting Sana reveal herself once again. 

Momo was glad she held on. 

  
  
  



	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning : mentions of past abuse, drug overdose, panic attacks

_“I thought we agreed on three.”_

Mina looked down at the money in her hands and then back up at her mother, they did. Mina just didn’t have three hundred dollars in her account. This was all she could take out in order to still have enough money to take the subway for the next week before she got her next paycheck. She had no choice but to cut her hours at work, her grades were starting to slip bad and if Jihyo was really giving her a final warning that if she can’t get them up soon then she was taking her off the lineup, study session or not. 

_“I know.”_

_“Mina I really need it.”_

_“I just don’t have it right now.”_ Mina rubbed a hand on the back of her neck. Her mother was really losing a lot of weight these days, she wondered if she was eating okay. She knew money was tight for her, she knew she was working insane hours. She just seemed gaunt, with dark eye bags under her eyes as she took the money and pocketed it. 

This was probably not the best way to start Mina’s week without her mothers, or as Yeri liked to call it; her week of freedom. Mizuko had just texted her over the past couple of days, not even about money at first, but funny videos she saw on instagram and thought Mina would like, questions about how her soccer game went, little things like that. Mina would smile, and send back voice notes. Truthfully she couldn’t read or write in Japanese very well. Momo had taken the time to sit her down and teach her, and to an extent Mina was literate, it just took her a long time and she made a lot of mistakes. It was something she was a bit embarrassed about to be honest, she wondered if her mother noticed her mistakes. At least she was better than Sana, even Momo was shocked to learn to the extent that Sana wasn’t able to read and write when they first went to Japan on vacation. 

Even if this were a bad idea, she was still here outside the back of the Japanese restaurant Mizuko worked at, handing her a little envelope. The woman didn’t have as much time as she would have liked to hang out with Mina, just thirty minutes as that's all her boss would allow her as a break. Still dressed in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a black apron with a red dragon embroidered in it, she sat on some creates, an open pack of sushi text to her for Mina to grab if she would like, and an open bottle of soju. _“Make sure to eat Mina.”_

_“I’m not hungry, you can have it all.”_ That was a lie, but Mina had a meal waiting for her back at either Joohyun or Nayeon’s house. She had the option to choose where she wanted to stay which was kind of nice, but she would have rather just stayed at home. 

_“You lost weight.”_ Mizuko shook her head, picked up a crab roll and held it out, _“How can you win the next world cup if you’re not eating enough?”_

_“I’ll eat when I go home. You should have this.”_ Mina shook her head, but eventually caved and opened her mouth when Mizuko didn’t budge. It was starting to get colder and colder, it was mid december now and it sure did feel like it. She wondered if Mizuko felt cold, even with Mina’s oversized zip up school track team hoodie that Tzuyu had given her she still felt a bit of chill. But she didn’t seem to mind too much, folding one leg up as she took a swig out of the bottle. 

_“Damn I’m tired.”_ Mizuko sighed, closing her eyes and leaned her head up against the back of the building. 

_“Me too.”_

_“I bet. Did you have practice today?”_

_“Just rehearsal and tutoring.”_

_“Wow, I’m tired just hearing that.”_ Mizuko opened her eyes and smiled over at her, _“You should send me a video of you dancing, I want something to brag about with my coworkers.”_

_“Why would you do that?”_

_“I talk about you all the time. How you play soccer, you dance, you’re going to solve our ocean plastic problem one day,”_ Mizuko chuckled, _“I work with this one girl Nako, she’s about your age, maybe a few years younger, her dad owns the restaurant. She reminds me a bit of you.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Mmm. It makes me think about what things could have been like if this never happened. If we had just stayed in Japan and moved in with my parents.”_ She looked down at the bottle before shrugging, _“I was just young, and there's no point of trying to change the past.”_

Mina didn’t have much to say to that. She never even thought about that. She was always stuck on what happened, on the scars that were still on her body and on her heart. But she figured that Mizuko had probably dealt with everything that happened, thinking about how things could have been. 

_“Want a sip?”_ Mizuko hummed, holding out the bottle in Mina’s directions. She laughed at Mina’s shocked reaction, wiggling the bottle a bit, _“You’re sixteen. I know you’re drinking by now. Plus this fucking country took you away from me, why should we have to abide by their laws?”_

Hesitantly Mina took the bottle from her and took a sip before handing it back, _“Don’t you have to work? Why are you drinking?”_

_“I'm hoping it’ll take the edge off.”_

Mina wasn’t sure what exactly that meant. But she just nodded anyways. “I have a question, do you remember everything?”

_“Can I be honest? No. I was so high all the time I had no idea what was going on. I remember a few things, I remember my first ‘client’, I remember there was one night when you cried and cried and I couldn’t figure out how to get you to stop, god I think I cried as much as you did. I remember halloween-”_ Mizuko took another sip, _“Halloween was what prompted me to really start using on my own. I couldn’t get it out of my head. Do you remember that night?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“You closed the door.”_

_“I shouldn’t have. I should have just gone to the police, I should have done something. Told you to tell your teacher. I just didn’t want you away from me.”_ Mizuko sighed, _“That turned out well didn’t it.”_

_“I hated you for that.”_

_“You don’t anymore?”_

_“Not as much. I’m still hurt though.”_

_“Time doesn’t heal as much as we would like it to huh.”_ Mizuko sighed, her face scrunching up before she shook her head. Maybe Mina should just leave this topic alone for now. Bringing up the past never did anything but hurt anyways, it would be ignorant of her to think it didn’t hurt her birth mother just as much. She let out an awkward laugh, _“I wish we could hang out without talking about all that once for once.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“You just look like a kicked puppy whenever we talk about that, and I- I just want to be okay with you before I leave.”_

_“Do you think about it a lot too?”_

_“I do.”_

_“Do you have to go back inside yet?”_

_“I still have a little bit of time.”_ She hummed, _“they’ll come out and get me when they need me.”_

_“Can I go over to your house soon? I want to hang out with you and it’s too cold to keep meeting out like this.”_ Mina hummed absentmindedly, _“I know you said it was a rough place, but if we were in your apartment it shouldn’t matter. Right?”_

She just watched her mother’s face stiffen up, she set the soju bottle down and took another bite of her food, _“I don’t think you can, I’m not even in the apartment that I was staying at. I couldn’t pay rent so they kicked me out. I wouldn’t want you to go there anywhere, I don’t trust them around you. I’m staying at a Women’s shelter right now.”_

Now Mina was faced with a dilemma. Her house _was_ empty. She could just offer Mizuko her room for the next six days while Mina stayed over Nayeon’s but- she wasn’t sure if she felt okay with that. Her house was her space, and she felt safe there. She wasn’t sure if she would continue to feel safe if she knew that she was in there. Plus if Sana ever found out, Mina was sure she would kill her. As much as she wanted to get to know her mother again, she still felt like a stranger to her. Someone to fear, someone to not trust. Mina kept the chip she gave her on her dresser at home, she wanted to believe the best, but she was always cynical. It was in her nature.

So they just sat like that for a little bit longer. Just chatting outside in the lowlights of the back of the restaurant until Mizuko’s boss came out and told her she needed to come in, not before he greeted Mina quickly. Apparently Mizuko did talk about her a lot. Mina found that a bit strange, because before she reentered her life there was a long span where Mina barely even thought of the woman. She feels a bit bad now, but she has Sana and Momo, what more could she want? She let her hug her, said her goodbyes and left. 

The walk from the subway station to Nayeon’s house wasn’t too far, but it was starting to get kind of dark and she didn’t really want to be walking after the sun went down fully. Especially because she knew Jeongyeon would bonk her on the head for staying out so late. But still, it was nice to have a little bit to just clear her head. 

She had just been feeling so... empty. Was that a good way to describe it? She just felt numb, wanting nothing more than to stay in her room and game as the world passed by her. She knew her room was a mess, Sana didn’t have to say anything for her to know that. She simply had no energy to pick it up anymore. Quite frankly she’s skipped dance rehearsals for the past week because she didn’t have enough energy to go. She was getting burnt out, she knew. 

Everything just felt like so much. It was one thing after another, and Mina wasn’t sure if she could keep up anymore. Tzuyu was killing her, she just wanted to march over to her house and demand they talk. She wouldn’t do that though, Mina was always shy about her feelings. However talking to Sana really helped her, 

  
  


“You’re home late.” Nayeon hummed as Mina closed the front door as quietly as she could, shushing Kookeu who barked at her arrival. The detective was dressed in her pink silk pajamas, hair already tied up, fluffy white robe wrapped around her body, sitting at the kitchen table cup of tea in her hand. Mina shrugged off her coat, and placed her shoes on the little rack near the kitchen door. “Yeah.”

“Mina!” Two pairs of little feet came running full speed towards her, transforming Mina into a temporary barrier as Yeji tried to stay away from Hyunjin. They were cute. Mina’s always thought that. She wasn’t too fond of them when they were babies, they were loud, and couldn’t play with her, but as they got older she found herself a bit more fond of them. 

“Guys be careful!” Jeongyeon called from the living room, “Don’t knock Mina over.”

“Mina! Mommy said because you’re here we can have dessert tonight!”

“She’s making pie!”

“You are?” Mina looked up at Nayeon who just motioned to the oven with a grin. 

She always enjoyed days over Nayeon’s house as she got older. When she was younger they filled her with nothing but stress and this reminder of what it felt like to be thrown around with a say and then abandoned when it seemed like something better came along. But Nayeon was kind, she was patient. The more t

She learned as she got older, the more she came to appreciate her. Like just this morning when she volunteered to take her pills with Mina. Mina had no idea that she even took medicine just like her, but Nayeon simply winked at her and told her that a lot of people do. 

That was another thing Mina felt bad about. She wanted to be angry at Momo, she really did. But it was hard when her mother left a note on her bottle and Mina was left to read it. 

_I’m sorry I made you mad. I just want the best for you penguin :) I’m proud of you. Have fun this week :)_

  * _Mom <3_



She ended her day being dragged into the twins room, listening to them argue if they were going to play pirates like Yeji wanted or with Hyunjin’s actions figures. And even though she just wanted to get in bed and curl up under the covers, she sat there for a good hour. 

This is what Sana wanted. And she was willing to make a little effort. 

...

Mina didn’t expect to be caught the way she was. Quite frankly she didn’t expect to be caught at all. 

It all started when she saw the very person she’s been avoiding for weeks standing outside of her locker just after last period. Mina just wanted to grab her books, go home, and that would be it. Easy. So why was Choerry posted up right in front of her locker, looking around a bit anxiously. This was really the last thing she needed. 

She sighed, ducked her head and approached. She needed to grab her stuff. She brushed right past the girl, and opened her locker trying to not even look in her direction. 

“Mina. Mina I know you’re mad at me. But can I explain please?” Choerry pleaded almost as soon as Mina walked over. 

“Please just leave me alone.”

“Just five minutes, five minutes please.” Choerry stepped in front of her, hand out in front, blocking Mina’s path. “Please.”

Mina bit her lip. She counted till ten in her head. Then she caved. Mina was never good at staying away from people she knew hurt her. “Fine.”

“I really wanted to go. I did, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t show up. My bike tires got slashed, and I wanted to call you and explain but my dad got really mad my tires were ruined and took my phone away. I was able to text you from my macbook before they realized I had it and took it away too. I didn’t mean to stand you up or anything, honestly. Look I have a photo of my bike.” Choerry spoke so fast Mina almost couldn’t keep up, digging into her back pocket to retrieve her shattered iPhone 6, scrolled through her camera roll and showed Mina a picture of a very popped tire. “I tried to talk to you in school but your friends are always around, and I’m a bit afraid they’ll murder me.” 

Mina just looked at her. She nodded a few times before cracking a bit of a smile, “They might.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay.” Mina hummed, “I didn’t know all that happened.” 

“Yeah, it’s been a crazy few weeks.” Cheorry sighed, “My foster sister, Hyejoo, ended up being taken out of our house, and it’s been kinda tense at home ever since. I wanted to stop by your house and explain, but I wasn’t sure if your moms would like that and I didn’t want to out you or something. I mean, I don't think they would care-”

“You’re rambling.” 

“I know, I’m kinda nervous right now actually,” Choerry let out an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of her neck, “I’m sorry.” 

“You said that already.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.” Mina offered her a smile, closing her locker and turned to her. “Want to come over to my house?”

“Hm?”

“My parents aren’t home.” Mina could only watch in horror as Choerry turned bright red, and suddenly she was the one coughing at the implications that had. “Wait, I di-”

Mina was cut off mid sentence when a familiar scent of peach perfume invaded her senses and left her breathless, she looked up to see Tzuyu staring back at her, eyebrows furrowed. She looked...angry? Tzuyu was never angry, Mina didn’t like this at all. Tzuyu looked down at her, jaw taught, eyes flickering as they made eye contact with Mina, “What are you doing.”

“What?”

“Tzuyu, what are _you_ doing?” Elkie poked her head from Tzuyu’s other side, raising an eyebrow at her. She said something I’m mandarin and poked her side, making Tzuyu relax a bit. 

“I-“

“Tzuyu let’s go.” Elkie wrapped an arm around her and started to push her away, flashing Mina a smile as they were starting to finally get moving, “I’ll make her call you. She’s in a mood today.”

They just watched them leave, before Choerry turned back to Mina, something in her eye that Mina wasn’t sure what it meant. “I didn’t mean it that way, I just-“ 

“I know,” Choerry gave her a sad smile, “I can’t hang out today anyways though, I have club after school.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll text you tonight though. Maybe we can reschedule our trip to the mini golf place?”

“We’ll see.”

That was Mina’s mistake. Letting herself get a bit too happy. She went back to Nayeon’s house feeling light, and a bit happier than she'd felt in weeks. It was nice that Choerry hadn’t just decided she was unattractive or that she didn’t want anything to do with Mina anymore. She couldn’t get the little smile off of her face, it stayed plastered there during her entire walk home, and then even when she was coloring with the twins in the living room, letting them get their ‘Mina time’ in before this feeling faded and she just wanted to be left alone again. 

Yeji was drawing a horse, and Hyunjin was drawing a little cat sleeping in a window. They were both not great, but neither was Mina at that age. Sometimes she’d point something out that they could do different but mostly she let them do what they wanted to do.

She let her guard down. 

“Mina answer your phone!” Jeongyeon called into the living room, prompting Mina to playfully push Hyunjin and run into the kitchen, slipping around Nayeon who had a heavy pot in her hands, before finally reaching her phone. 

It was probably just Sana or Momo calling to check up on her, she had talked to them briefly after they landed but other than that she’s only seen what they were up to through Momo’s instagram stories. She swiped accept and held the phone up to her ear, “Hello?”

_“Hello is this Myoui Mina?”_

Mina nearly did a double take at that. She hasn’t been called that last name in years. Her brows furrowed, she caught eyes with Nayeon who mouthed a silent ‘who’s that?’. Mina looked at the number again before finally speaking, “This is she.”

_“Hello my name is Park Jimin. I’m a nurse at Seoul General Hospital. I’m calling today because you were listed as the emergency contact for Fujiwara Mizuko. Ms. Fujiwara was admitted to the hospital today, and she is okay. We would highly suggest you come to the hospital as soon as possible-''_ Mina couldn’t hear anything else he was saying. Suddenly this rushing dread slammed into her chest, choking her and making her want to cry. 

What happened? Was she hurt? Did they find her? Why was she there? This too much, this was too much for her. She couldn’t do this. Thankfully, Nayeon seemed to understand what was going on and took the phone from her hand and carried on the conversation for her, and Jeongyeon looked at the two of them. “Mm. Okay, thank you.”

Nayeon hung up. Putting the phone down gently, before she turned around to look at Mina. She tapped a finger on the counter a few times, before her expression shifted, “How did she know that this was your number to make it her emergency contact?”

And just like that Mina knew she was caught. 

There was no way she was going to be able to lie or try to wiggle her way out of this. She was caught. Nayeon was a bit too inquisitive for her own good. “Mina?”

It all spilled out, suddenly and violently. She couldn’t keep this to herself. She told them everything, from the first time they talked on Instagram to just the night before how they were talking. How Mina’s given her a _lot_ of money, and how they’re trying to get her back to Japan. They were quiet, letting Mina speak. Only when she was done did they try to say anything. 

Nayeon seemed like there were a few things she wanted to say, but she just came out with a soft, “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll take her.” Jeongyeon sighed, “You can stay home with the twins if you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

The car ride there was quiet. Her and Jeongyeon were never particularly close. She once heard in passing that Momo thought Jeongyeon was a bit afraid to get close to Mina again, especially after what happened when they lived together. Jeongyeon while maybe not the closest emotionally with her still held a special place in her heart. They’d spend weekends working though a new game together, or long conversations talking about Mina’s interests. She listened. And sometimes Mina just needed someone to listen. A part of her was glad Nayeon stayed home, there was no doubt in her mind that she’d be getting scolded at this moment if she did. 

Mina mind gets like mush. She wasn’t sure if she would have made it to the hospital with no tears if Jeongyeon decided to start talking to her about all of this. 

She made her way to the desk, gave the information that she was her emergency contact and waited for a doctor to come over to them and explain the situation. Apparently a few hours earlier a coworker had found her unconscious in the bathroom, called the cops when they realized she wasn’t breathing, and when paramedics arrived realized she overdosed. 

Mina thought she was going to throw up as she said that part. She was using? After everything. She- Mina needed to get out of here. She needed to get out of here now. This was too much. Her thoughts felt muddled and indistinguishable from each other, everything sounded too loud. She couldn’t focus. She placed her hands over her ears, hoping it would help a bit. She- she just needed some space. 

She almost didn’t hear Jeongyeon calling for her as she ran off into the bathroom, found a stall, and locked the door. There was a few knocks, and then it was quiet again after Mina offered a, “I want to be alone for a bit.”

She overdosed. She overdosed in the bathroom of her job, and Mina had no idea that this was coming. She shouldn’t have trusted her. She didn’t even want to see her. They were just hanging out yesterday? How- was she using it yesterday? Was that what Mina’s money was going towards? She seemed normal. Her skin felt hot and clammy, it was uncomfortable. She was sure she was going to throw up. 

She heard a gentle knock on the stall, “Leave me alone Aunt Jeongyeon. Please.”

“It’s Wendy.” The voice called back, she knocked again, “Mina, open the door please.”

“I -I think I want to be alone right now.”

“Mina if you don’t open the door right now I’m going to have to call security in here to open it.”

Mina let out a sigh and opened the door, looking up at the doctor who was standing there. She let out a watery laugh, that quickly broke off into a sob. Wendy didn’t say much, just sat down and wrapped her arms around Mina, running a hand through her hair gently. “I know. I know.”

“She-“

“Jeongyeon told me.” Wendy mused, “How about we go to the cafeteria and get something to eat? Hm?”

Mina just dug her face into her shoulder. She didn’t want to do anything. What she wanted was to go home, curl up with Ray, listen to the noises her fish tank makes and not move for a week. That’s what she wanted to do. She just felt overwhelmed, she felt tired. She felt betrayed and angry. She felt so many things and they hurt, if felt like it was ripping her apart. 

She wished Sana and Momo were here. She wished it was them she could confess all this to. But they needed the time alone. And Mina was left here. 

Wendy didn’t say a word when Mina started sobbing, she just looked up at Jeongyeon who stood at the other side of the restroom, the two of them exchanging a look. Wendy nodded, and Jeongyeon stepped out to call Nayeon. 

Mina was beginning to crack.

  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major Trigger Warning : mentions of abuse, mental health emergency, mentions of overdose,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Trigger Warning : mentions of abuse, mental health emergency, mentions of overdose, mentions of suicide threats.

Hawaii was great. After Hawaii however was not. 

When Momo and Sana walked back into the airport, luggage being dragged behind them, faces now tan and sun kissed, hand in hand, maybe a part of them was expecting Mina to be there standing in the lobby waiting for them. They haven’t heard from her in a week, it’s been complete radio silence on her end, really the only reason they knew that Mina was even still alive was because Nayeon would sometimes drag her into frame when they were on a call. However when they got there, there was no Mina, just an exhausted looking Nayeon standing there giving them a weak smile. Sana immediately could tell something was up. 

Nayeon didn’t speak to them as she grabbed Momo’s luggage and brought it to the car, simply just opted to be quiet in a way that was so incredibly un-Nayeonlike. Nayeon went into the front seat, and after a silent exchange between Momo and Sana, Sana sighed and sat in the front as well. She looked over at her best friend, “We got you a souvenir.”

“That’s nice.”

“You don’t want to see it?”

“I’m driving Sana.” 

“Right, right.” Sana looked out the front window yet again, “Uh- how’s my baby?”

“Mina-” Oh, she really meant Spooky. Mina was her lil shark. “Uh actually we should just walk about this right now.”

Sana turned around to share a glance with Momo who frowned, looking at Nayeon through the rearview window, “What’s wrong?”

She almost couldn’t believe what came out of Nayeon’s mouth. 

She just sat there in stunned silence as Nayeon told them everything Mina confessed to be doing, how Mizuko overdosed, how Mina has been sleeping at Joohyun’s because she knew she was going to have a nightmare and was afraid to scare the twins. Momo was angry, at least that’s the vibe Sana could pick up from her initially, deadly silent in the backseat, arms crossed worrying a lip between her teeth. Sana wasn’t sure what she felt. She definitely felt hurt, but she wasn’t so much sure that it was that Mina was seeing her mother behind her back but that she didn’t trust her enough to tell her. 

Things started to make sense. The decline in grades and energy, the nightmares, the distance. Sana just felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. 

They do agree however to not bring it up just yet. Give Mina a day or two to adjust and for them to think things over before someone acted on emotions and got everyone upset. Big mistake.

…

Mina didn’t trust this uneasy peace in the house. She knew they knew. There was no way they didn’t know. But they didn’t say anything, instead just showed Mina a few photos, gave her a few gifts they picked up for her and alluded to the whole situation. Giving her a chance to talk about it, but Mina didn’t want to, she didn’t even want to think about it. She spent the first two days they were home locked in her room, hidden under blankets not moving. She just needed time alone to recharge her battery, to try and get this muddle of thoughts out of her head and organized. 

So maybe that’s why she took the first opportunity she did. Momo and Sana were going back to work, meaning Mina would be home alone. Well- it really meant she could leave unquestioned, she knew this was a stupid fucking idea. But she did it anyway, because that’s what Mina does best. That's what she tried to tell herself.

She asked the nurse’s station where Mizuko’s room was, she took a deep breath and walked in. From what she was told, she overdosed, had a seizure, and choked. It sounded horrific, but she’s been here ever since as they monitored her because she had another seizure after arriving. It made things a little better for Mina at least, she didn’t have to try and beg for a time to meet her. 

_ “Mina?” _

Mina wasn’t sure if she could look at her. She kept her gaze down on her feet, this was much more than she thought she was capable of. In the beginning of the week she was just blindsided by all of this, she needed some time to sit and collect her thoughts. Now it just faded to a dull anger that grew the more she thought about this, maybe that’s what brought her here. She had no intentions of talking, she had no intentions of forgiving. 

She felt numb. So painfully numb. She just wanted to feel something.

_ “Mina, I’m sorry. I just- I relapsed and didn’t realize my body was going to react like that.” _

_ “You’re not sorry.”  _

_ “I am. This was just a mistake. I- You know me Mina.”  _ She tried to shoot her a smile, desperately searching for Mina’s eyes that stayed fixed on the ground.  _ “I keep thinking about what happened. I think about it all the time. I think about what happened to me. I think about what happened to you.” _

_ “You closed the door that night.”  _ Mina hated thinking about that night. She had it buried somewhere deep in her memories where she only had to think about it when it bubbled up out of its hiding spot and left her breathless in tears. She had only talked about it one time, during a late night sleepover with Tzuyu when she had maybe a bit too much of Dahyun’s homemade sangria they stole from the kitchen. 

Mizuko went quiet, before whispering out a quiet,  _ “I did.” _

_ “And then you sat and listened.” _

_ “I did.” _

_ “And you did nothing.”  _ Mina’s voice shook on the last word, looking up and finally connecting her line of sight with her birth mother.  _ “You listened to me call for you, and you didn’t do a single thing. Just for your fix.” _

_ “I’m sorry.”  _

_ “You’re not! Because look where we are!”  _ Mine could feel her temper rising, motioning to the room.  _ “You’re in a hospital bed because you almost died.” _

_ “I know.”  _ Mizuko was crying softly, and that only served to make Mina angrier. Something dangerous taking over her body, years of vile, putrid hatred she felt never left. It just sat there and festered waiting for an opportunity to finally be let out. To finally let Mina just lose it, and let go of that part of herself. Mina always felt angry, she always did. It was this anger that sat in her chest and burst into flames when she even thought back on everything.  _ “Mina, I’m sorry. Come here, please. Please come here, I promise it’s not going to happen again. I promise. Mommy’s sorry. I’m sorry.” _

_ “I WAS FIVE!”  _ Mina screamed. She was sure the people in the hall could hear her, the other patients in the room were probably watching. She didn’t care anymore. She could feel something ugly and angry festering beneath her skin, she just- she just- she didn’t even know what to think. 

Mizuko barely had time to dodge the empty water pitcher Mina chucked at her, the plastic container impacted the wall and clanged down onto the floor.  _ “I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD! Do you know what that did to me? Do you know how that messed me up? NO YOU DON’T BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T HERE. Because you decided drugs were more important than ME. I’m supposed to be your daughter!” _

_ “I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO.” Mizuko matched her volume, “Mina, do you know how much danger we were in? Do you know what they did to ME?”  _

_ “And you would go back to doing something like that?” _

_  
_ _ “I know. I’m sorry.” _

_ “Stop saying that!”  _ Mina hissed, she was about read to throw something at her head again,  _ “I don’t care if you’re sorry. Do you not understand how much money I gave you? Where did it all go?” _

_ “It was only this time. I swear.” _

_ “My moms are going to kill me.” _

_ “Those dykes-“  _ She never got to finish that sentence because Mina was already gripping her collar, a silent dare to finish that sentence in her eyes. 

_ “You don’t get to say a single word about them. You don’t. You don’t get to insult them, you don’t get to degrade them. They did your job for you. You’re not going to speak about my mothers that way.” _

_ “I’m your mother.” _

_ “You’re just someone who gave birth to me.”  _ Mina spat,  _ “Nothing more.”  _

After a few seconds she finally willed herself to unclutch her hands from the collar of her shirt, her fists clenched as her side as she stood up fully and took a step back. She was done. What the hell was she thinking all these years, thinking that she somehow cared about her. 

Years she waited for her. Clinging to foolish childhood dreams of her coming back and living with her, Sana, and Momo. Jumping through hoop after hoop to convince herself that her mother was a good person, that she was just scared like Mina was. To a point she figured that was true, that Mizuko was just a broken woman who was scared and out of options. It was easy to blame others, it was harder to realize that the very person who was supposed to protect you didn’t anymore. 

They had opportunities to escape. Mina could have told Jihyo, she could have told her everything. She could have refused to go home and begged Jihyo to do something, she could have cried and clung to her because she knew she wouldn’t give Mina up without a fight. She could have told Dahyun and Tzuyu, could have told Tzuyu to tell her mom she was over, bloody and beaten, they could have called the police. But no. She kept quiet. Because her mother held a gun to her own head and told her she’d hurt herself if she said anything, that she’d die if Mina was taken from her, that Mina was all she had in the world. And that she was all Mina had. Because how could anyone love something like her? Something broken and used, dirty, stupid. 

How could she have been so stupid as to think she changed? Mina gave her everything she had saved up. Birthday money, allowance, from her job, everything. It wasn’t even about the money anymore, she  _ lied.  _ Mina trusted her and she lied. She didn’t care what her reasoning was, she really didn’t. She didn’t want to hear it, she didn’t want to think about it. She was done. She just shook her head, physically trembling in anger now, her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.  _ “Don’t contact me again. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to see you. I’m done with you.” _

_.“I wish I never had you.” _ Mizuko snapped, pointing a finger at Mina, _ “You ruined my life. If I just had gotten rid of you, I would have gone to college, I would have never come here, I would be happy!” _

She looked ugly like this. Like a wounded dog biting and barking when cornered. Mina just stared at her like she would a rabid dog. Somewhere deep down she knew Mizuko didn’t mean that, that she was just scared and acting out. But Mina quite frankly she didn’t care anymore.

_ “I wish you did.” _

And with that she stomped out of the room, slamming the door on her way out. And for a second she just stood there, unsure exactly what to do. She left, all the yelling was probably going to attract security anyways. She still had a little bit until she had to go home before Sana and Momo would notice. She didn’t want to go home, she couldn’t stay still right now with all the emotions that latched on to her. So she ran. 

Running had always been something she enjoyed, soccer made sure of it. She liked the feeling of her legs aching, her heart racing. So she ran. She tried to outrun the past that refused to leave her alone, tried to outrun the mess in her brain that refused to just let her function, she ran. She ran and ran until she had to stop and gasp for breath. 

It was a quiet bridge maybe a few blocks away from the hospital. It seemed like it would be busy during rush hour, but it was an awkward three in the afternoon so she had relative privacy. It wasn’t much, but it made her feel a little better. She was still feeling angry, she wanted to scream, cry, hit, do something. Instead she fished her phone out of her pocket, and called a number that was all too familiar :  _ Dr. Lee _ . She held it to her ear and bit her thumb anxiously, waiting as the phone rang a few times. 

_ “Hello?” _

“You said I could call you if I needed you.” Mina spoke softly into the phone, looking out over the water. She always found comfort in these places, there weren’t very many cars out at this time of night so she could hear the sound of the river rushing underneath. It reminded her of trips to the aquarium with the season passes Grammie got her for christmas. “Are you busy? It’s Mina.” 

_ “Mina? No, I have a few minutes. Why are you calling me? Are you okay?”  _

“I’m sorry.” Mina felt exhausted, the more the anger and adrenaline rushed out of her body and filled her with the same numbness she’s been feeling for weeks. 

_ “Why are you sorry?” _

“I told you I wouldn’t stop taking my medicine. I lied to you. I’m sorry.”

_ “Oh,”  _ Mina could hear the confusion in the therapist's voice through the speaker,  _ “It’s okay. I can schedule you an appointment and we can reevaluate your prescription if you’d like? Where’s your moms honey?” _

Her face scrunched up at that, taking a deep breath. It felt like her lungs were constricting, tightening to the point that she felt like they would pop. “My mom overdosed.”

_ “Oh. Uh.”  _ She heard quiet whispering on the other side of the line, and then it shuffled and Mina could hear her a bit better,  _ “Which one?” _

“My birth mom.”

_ “Mina where are you right now?”  _

“I want it to stop, I’m done feeling this way.” Mina confessed suddenly, adjusting her grip on the phone, “How do i make it stop?”

_ “Mina where are you?”  _ Her tone was a bit louder this time, she could hear a bracelet on the other line as if someone was waving a hand,  _ “Why don’t I come pick you up, and you can come to the office and we can talk about this for a little bit?” _

“I’m so tired.”

_ “I understand.”  _ There was a bit of frantic whispering again she couldn’t understand. She could hear another woman speak in the background, she just couldn’t understand exactly what about.  _ “I bet your tired. Where are you?” _

“I’m near the hospital. I couldn’t eat last night so I couldn’t run too far.” 

_ “Can you tell me anything you see?” _

“I'm on a bridge.”

There was silence on the other side of the line. A deep breath,  _ “Mina. Listen to me. How about you sit down on the sidewalk and wait for me. Okay? I want you to breath with me. Let’s do some grounding techniques together for a few minutes.” _

“Why do people hurt me?” Mina looked over the water, feeling a singular tear start to run on her face, “I must be a bad person. I must be a mistake. I deserve this, don’t I?” 

_ “No, you don’t. You’re not a bad person. You’re sweet and kind, and you make everyone around you very happy. I think you’re a good person.” _

She wasn’t sure if it was hearing that, or that she’s been an emotional time bomb since the second she stepped out of the hospital, but she had to close her eyes and take a deep breath as soon as she heard that, and try to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t do a very good job. The more she tried to hold them back the more they started to stream from her eyes, until there was nothing Mina could do but just sit down and let it wash over her. 

She just sobbed. She sat there crouched down on the ground, holding on the railing of the bridge sobbing. Everytime she thought she could run out of tears they just kept coming, loud, and violent. And for once she didn’t fight it, she just herself cried it out. There was no one around, there was no judgement, no expectations, she could just cry. 

The world wasn’t kind to Mina. A fact she could never wrap her head around fully. Why her? What did she do? Momo had always believed in karma, even taught Mina a fair bit about it growing up. So what did she do to generate such bad karma? Where did she go wrong? 

She didn’t know.

So she let herself sob and cry, placing a hand over her mouth in a futile attempt to soften her sobs even if just a little bit. The cold nipped at her ears, the river roared underneath, and she couldn’t even ground herself with them. She just let herself start to try and release years and years of pent up stress, anger, confusion, and just sadness. She almost didn’t even notice the red and blue lights that filled up the empty street, before a car stopped next to her and an officer stepped out.    
  
Warm arms wrapped around her, pulling her in and just held her. “Minari, hey. Why are you crying?” 

Jackson. He must have been on patrol. She didn’t answer, she didn’t want to answer. She just gripped on to him and sobbed, and he sat there for as long as it took, taking the phone out of her hand and hanging up. 

…

  
Sunmi called the police. That’s what Mina was able to put together as she sat at Nayeon’s desk, the officer’s windbreaker pulled over her shoulders, the homicide detective texting with Momo next to her. Her face was still red and splotchy, she had a pounding headache. But she felt...lighter? Maybe it was the water weight she just cried out. Occasionally Nayeon would adjust the jacket make sure that Mina was warm as they waited for- 

“Mina!” The two of them looked up to the doors slamming open, Sana making a beeline for Nayeon’s desk, an expression she’s never seen on her face before plastered on her features. Nayeon stood up, and so did Jackson, the latter grabbing Sana by her arm before she could even reach Mina and gently tugged her into an interrogation room. 

“Why did he bring her in there?” Mina looked over at Nayeon who put down her phone on her desk, “She looked-”

“I know, you just scared her a little bit.” Nayeon hummed, holding up the little glass container filled with candies. “She gets a call from your therapist saying you called her while standing on a bridge, you know how she’s going to take that.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything like that. I just needed to clear my head.”

“I know. She just needs a few minutes to relax right now, she got herself worked up.” Nayeon wiggled the container, giving Mina a small smile when she finally took a piece, “Heard you threw a fit at the hospital too.”

“I just yelled and threw a few things.”

“Good job. She deserves it.” Nayeon gave her a half smile, patiently waiting until a more calm looking Sana finally made her way out of the room and over to them. Sana didn’t say anything except pull Mina in for a hug as soon as she was in range, closing her eyes and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Mina tried to push away the thought about how she could feel Sana shake.

Nayeon walked them outside, giving Mina a hug before letting the two of them go into the car. Still staying outside to watch them go, Mina could see the concern in her eyes. She hated it. Sana definitely wasn’t fully there, Mina saw that almost immediately as Sana tried to dig through her backpack for her car keys. She finally got them out, having to stare at her keys for a few seconds before selecting her car key. 

“We should, we should go to the hospital. Yup, that’s where we need to go.” Sana mumbled to herself, trying to get the key to finally fit into the transmission but her hands were shaking so much she couldn’t even get that to work. She poked the side, almost got it in a few times before lowering it with a shaky breath.

What Mina didn’t expect was Sana to lean forwards, gripping the wheel with both hands, and start crying. Sana wasn’t ever really one to cry, and Mina always found it unnerving when she did. When she was younger it would make her feel insecure, afraid sometimes, peering in through the crack of Momo and Sana’s shared bedroom seeing Momo standing there, Sana on her knees sobbing as she gripped on to her. She always saw Sana as someone strong, always there with a warm hug and confident smile. Especially when she was younger did she see her as a borderline superhero, as the years passed that had faded a bit as she realized that she was painfully human. 

She hated this. 

And just like that she could feel tears pricking her eyes once again. Because she caused this, this was all her fault. She understood how this looked, she understood why Sana was crying. She just- she wanted to disappear right now. Run somewhere far away that she could just have a moment to think, she just wanted a moment to breathe. That’s all. Her head hurt so bad. 

Sana’s hand slipped into hers, before her head slowly raised off the steering wheel, trying to wipe tears away with the back of her hand. She looked up for a few seconds, blinked, and then looked back down, before leaning over and wrapped her arms firmly around her daughter. She just pulled her in and rested her chin on top of her head, hand rubbing up and down Mina’s back, “I love you.”

Sana always said  _ I love you  _ like she was afraid that Mina would forget. 

Mina couldn’t even if she tried. 

Sana’s tone was tinged with desperation, fingers gripping on to Mina’s hoodie as if that was the only thing keeping her with her. “I love you so much. So, so much. I’m just a little, my nerves are a little- you’re okay. You’re right here, you’re okay. You’re right here.”

Mina wasn’t sure if that was for her or for Sana. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. Mina couldn’t even tell if Sana was still crying. Her head absolutely ached. There was a gentle knock on the car window, and the both turned to see Nayeon standing here, hand out. Sana rolled the window out, and Nayeon motioned towards the keys, “Give me the keys.”

“I can drive us.”

“Give me the keys Sana.” This time Nayeon left no room for argument, holding out her hand expectantly and finally pocketed the keys when Sana handed them over. She just sighed and gently grabbed the back of Sana’s head, pressing her forehead against the younger detective’s, “Look at me. Breathe. You’re getting yourself worked up.” 

“I-”

“I know. I’m going to drive, we’re going to go to the hospital, Mina is going to get psych eval and then we’re going to go home. All of us. Okay?”

“Okay.” 

“Good,” Nayeon opened the door and helped Sana out of the car, and opened the back seat. She climbed into the driver's seat, shot Mina a reassuring smile, and started the car. Momo was already waiting as they arrived at the emergency room, running over to wrap Mina in what had to be one of the tightest hugs the woman had ever given her, the lawyer apologising in her ear. Mina had enough of apologies, she had enough of hospitals, she had enough. But still, she held Momo’s hand as they checked in, she complied with whatever they asked her. 

  
She still had a little fight left in her. And she hoped it would be enough. 


	22. Chapter 22

The sun had gone down long before they finally got home, all three of them exhausted as they stumbled through the gate and finally through the front door. Boo ran up to them almost immediately, tail wagging, yapping in annoyance at them for being so late, Momo said nothing as she picked him out and broke off into the kitchen, shoes still on before Sana could hear the gentle pitter of kibble being dropped into the dogs bowl and quick eating. Jackson had taken Spooky for the night, the tiny cat nearly forgotten as Sana tried to rush to where Mina was as fast as possible. She tried not to let herself feel guilty for that. 

Mina was tired, she could see it so clearly in her movements as she kicked off her shoes and slowly made her way into the house, feet dragging behind her, body heavy. Sana wished she could take that pain she felt and hold it as her own. 

The hospital went just about as well as they could expect. Mina was insistent on the fact that they didn’t need to go, that she wasn’t thinking about hurting herself, but Sana just felt better this way. Mina was only allowed one parent to come with her, and she chose Momo. Which Sana was a bit glad about, she could not get her nerves to relax no matter what she tried and probably only would have worked Mina up even more. And the implication that she wanted Momo in there wasn’t lost on her, it was probably good for the two of them to share a moment like that together. Nayeon had kept her company for hours, the two of them sitting in the waiting room, even got some food from the cafeteria talking about things that were meant to distract Sana. But how do you distract yourself when your child is crying help for help and hospital rules are making you wait outside. 

She watched silently as Mina walked over to the couch and just plopped down unceremoniously, landing with a little “umph”.

Mina was depressed. Sana had known that for a long time, alarmingly well. It was something that kept her up at night sometimes, always playing over and over in her mind. Was Mina okay? Was she doing well? Was she taking her meds? Was she doing well in therapy. It’s been like that since Mina was six and crying in her bed, but was infinitely amplified when they first got that diagnosis when she was eleven. Sana remembers feeling numb when she heard that for the first time, this cool fear settling in as Sunmi explained that Mina had depression and anxiety. They knew she had PTSD, they had known that since the first time Mina cried and begged at just the sight of Momo in Sana’s apartment. But this, this felt different. Sana wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because she knew that Mina had the same diagnosis as her, that she knew how that felt, and maybe it was that fear and grief for her as Sana wasn’t able to shield her from the very things that threatened to destroy herself for a very long time. Either way Sana sobbed in the shower that night, before Momo coaxed her out, helped her dress and just held her in their room as Sana clung on to her and cried. 

So why Sana had gotten so lax only five years later bothered her. Mina wanted to stop therapy, she was okay with that. She had done so too for the most part, she still had a monthly session with Jisoo booked, and would sometimes book a few extra sessions when she saw something that was a bit too triggering for her to be able to process and work through on her own. She just didn’t want to project on to Mina, didn’t want her to feel pressured or that Sana thought she was sick or something. But maybe she should have been.

When Momo had come out into the lobby to tell them, Sana couldn’t believe her ears. Mina had lost weight, nearly ten pounds. And for someone like her who always struggled to stay out of an underweight BMI naturally no matter how much food Momo (and Suzy on her visits) fed her, that was definitely a cause of concern. Sana hadn’t even really noticed that, but Momo hadn’t either. They see Mina everyday, and a change like that just went over her head subconsciously rationalizing it as maybe a result of Mina’s pretty intensive sport hobbies, Sana herself used to slim down a lot during cheer season in high school, and maybe just stress. But Sana had also seen plates and cups in Mina’s room so she never caught about it. 

It just seems like a lot of things happened at the wrong time. Mina’s been off her medication for about four months now, she’d grab the pill and toss it in the big dumpster outside on her way to school or keep it in her bag before throwing it away in the school bathroom so they wouldn’t notice. Sana didn’t even know Mina felt so strongly about it. But in doing that, Mina completely threw off her brain’s chemistry. She just quit cold turkey, and then started again when Momo found out, it just really messed with her brain. Mina had always been paranoid, always thinking that the world was out to get her, that everyone that wanted to get close to her wanted to hurt her. Sana understood. But at the same time she just wanted Mina to feel happy, make friends, be a normal teenager. The whole Tzuyu situation was what Sana thought was so upset about, and she was okay with going on a vacation when she just thought her daughter was going through the motions of entering and discovering herself romantically, but if she had known about her birth mother she would have never left.

She still felt bad about leaving Mina. And while Hawaii was probably what saved them from falling apart, but it almost felt like leaving Mina at a time she really needed them. She wonders if it was worth it. 

Somewhere deep down if the choice came between Momo and Mina, she knew who she would choose. She wouldn’t give up on Mina like her parents had given up on her, and if it came between Mina or her relationship, Sana would have very few regrets.

“Do you wanna sleep in our room tonight?” Sana hummed, squatting down to brush a bit of hair out of Mina’s face. Her eyes were already starting to slip close, breathing starting to slow. Sana didn’t blame her one bit, it was late and she herself was mentally and physically exhausted. Mina just shook her head, by the looks of it she just wanted to sleep right where she laid. But Sana wasn’t too sure how she felt personally about that, Mina- Mina really scared her today. It brought back emotioned she hasn’t felt in years, this sheer blinding panic that she wished she never had to ever even come close to again. 

But she understood. Mina was overstimulated beyond belief right now. The noise of the hospital was threatening to drive her crazy, Sana was sure she’d cry again when doctors and nurses came into her room. Mina was always a bit sensitive after she cried, she liked the pressure of being held or having her weighted blanket but too much sent her spiraling even further. She just needed quiet, and some time alone. Sana respected her boundaries, but there was no way she would let her sleep on the couch alone. 

Momo walked back into the room, sitting on the couch so Mina could lay her head on her lap, stroking her hair in the way Mina’s liked ever since she was a kid. Sana offered them a tight lipped smile, before standing up fully, “I’ll go get your room ready, how does that sound?” 

Mina let out a small hum, and Sana just nodded. Momo had her, there was no reason for her to be nervous about anything. She made her way upstairs and entered the second door on the right, the one next to the framed master copy of some japanese art that Mina had spent a solid week in the summer painting. It was primarily red and black, with some gold leaf that Momo had bought her without telling Sana. Which in hindsight was probably a smart decision because when she learned that the small sheets of gold cost them nearly a hundred and fifty dollars she thought she was going to have a heart attack. Momo just thought it would look good, and it did, but still-. She entered the room, nearly tripping over a random shirt that was left on the ground. 

How did Mina’s room get even messier than she last saw it? She didn’t know, but she didn’t have the energy to try and clean it up right now. Her little attack in the car had drained her a lot more than she had originally realized and she could feel herself starting to get a bit more tired as time went on. She just pushed the clothes aside and made a path that Mina could easily go through. After peeling back Mina’s blankets on her bed she took an opportunity to look around, she zeroed in on Mina’s desk. This was supposed to be her studying desk, that’s what Momo said it was for at least, and sure there were a few textbooks and workbooks out, but it was mostly used as a display area for her lego sets, and housed the basket she kept all her journals in. 

Actually Mina’s most recent one was left open on her desk, and while Sana usually avoided looking inside them at all costs, she found herself staring at the picture of a smiley Tzuyu on the page. Mina had always been an exceptional artist, but these days Sana really found herself being blown away by the sheer talent that she possessed. Mina could really pursue this as a career if she wanted to, but Sana was still sure she wanted to be a vet. She let herself take in the little details of the drawing, before looking around and decided to flip the page. Sorry Mina. 

_ Why can’t I just talk to her? I’m such a loser. _

_   
_ _ I hate myself. _

Her heart sunk as she saw that etched into the backside of the page in Mina’s handwriting. She scrunched her nose up, and flipped a few pages back looking at some drawings of a soccer field and Sooyoung, her water bottle with her soccer number on it, Spooky (Sana might ask for a copy of that one.), and just some random thoughts written down. Fear over their marriage, frustration at a math test, things like that. Sana closed the journal. There wasn’t any more she needed to see, she just wanted to see if there was anything that would be very concerning for her. Maybe she would need to talk to her more about the whole Tzuyu thing. 

There was a little box of post it notes on her desk too, she just let that be though. She knew Mina’s held on to those. 

She went back downstairs, helped Momo bring a half asleep Mina upstairs, tucked her in with a kiss on the forehead, and ever though she didn’t really want to, left her to sleep and retired her own room, almost immediately falling asleep as soon as her and Momo were both changed and in bed. 

She woke up an hour later to soft cries next to her. She frowned, squinting and reached over to turn on the lamp frowning when she looked over to see Momo curled away from her crying softly with both of her hands over her mouth. For what she felt like had to be the millionth time that night she felt her heart break, “Honey?”

“G-go back to sleep Sana.”

“Why are you crying?” Sana knew. How could she not. But she wanted to open up some sort of dialogue, let Momo know she's listening and that she cares. 

“I failed her.”

“Huh?”

“Why didn’t I talk to her?” Momo turned around to look at her, face puffy and tears streaming down her cheeks. Sana always hated it when she cried. “Why didn’t I sit her down and make her talk about it? Why did I let her get so bad?”

Sana closed her eyes, and just brough Momo in for a hug, “It isn’t your fault.”

“I’m such a bad mom.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.” Momo sobbed, burying her face further into Sana’s shoulder. Sana just closed her eyes and gently rubbed a hand up and down Momo’s back.

“You’re not.” She repeated, this time with more conviction. 

“How did I let her get this way? Why didn’t I do something? Or more. I knew she wasn’t feeling okay- I- I just wanted her to ask me this time.” Momo whimpered into her neck, “I didn’t want her to hate me for trying to pressure her into telling me things again, I just wanted her to be comfortable enough to tell me.”

“Baby-”

“I’ve- I’ve tried so hard. I tried everything, Sana. I read the stupid books, I went to the classes, I sabotaged my own career just so we could spend more time together. And I still don’t know her. I tried so hard, so so hard, and I still can’t get through. What else am I supposed to do?”

Sana wasn’t sure how true that was. Mina loved Momo, Sana could see it clear as day. When Mina came home early but out of her own free will on days Sana was caught up at work because she knew Momo didn’t like to eat alone. When Mina sought out Momo for a hug when she wanted a bit of comfort. When she offered to go to the store with Momo just because she wanted to spend a bit more time with her even though she could easily either stay home or go out with her friends. 

Hell, there were topics that Mina always went to Momo about. They just kinda both had their things, Sana thought they were both content with that. Mina went to her about things that she Sana had knowledge in, and went to Momo in situations where her view on life was needed. That’s how they were effective in parenting, they both had strengths and they could play to them as a team. 

There were times where Sana felt like she’s been unfair to Momo, like the time Sana screamed at her after coming home to Mina hiding in a closet. That was uncalled for and she’s apologized for it multiple times. It was just something about Mina trembling and wailing in a way that Sana hasn’t heard many times that awoke something in Sana, and Momo was caught in the crossfire. She’s never raised her voice at Momo like that again, and she still felt horrible to this day. And maybe instances like that were why Mina tended to seek Sana out when she was in trouble, but she could see why Momo felt like it was unfair.

Momo had sacrificed a lot for the both of them. And Sana knew that, she tried her very best to reciprocate. It’s just that Momo did things without telling her first. She stepped down from her position without telling her, not giving Sana a chance to try and make a plan so they could split the burden and actually caused her to work more to make up for the sudden change of income, she would make decisions regarding Mina like soccer without telling Sana, she just kinda went her own way and Sana followed along. She didn’t mind, but it also put her into a position where she didn’t know if Momo understood how appreciative she was of her and she wasn’t exactly sure how to show it in a way that felt genuine and not forced because Momo was doing so much. 

It never occurred to her that maybe  _ Momo _ felt like her and Mina didn’t bond as much as she would have liked. Mina definitely felt close to Momo, there was no doubt about that, but Momo felt the same- that was a different story. It was a stupid thought, but sometimes Sana wondered if she had even wanted Mina. She was so insistent on having a baby, her own baby, when Mina was still there and trying to establish that maternal bond with her. It was untrue. She knew that. But sometimes, as awful as it was, she was glad they never had another baby, that there was no possibility that Mina would ever feel replaced or cast aside. 

In Sana’s opinion, both of their pasts were the issue of what took them so long to bond. Momo was abandoned by her mother by a young age, she never really talked about just mentioning her father died and her mother left her and her sister, but Sana is sure that still had a bit of an impact on how she viewed motherhood. Her and her adoptive mother were very close, but that took years to form that bond and being on one side is very different than the other. And Mina used to be so distrusting of adults, for good reason too. Mina was a bit too afraid to let Momo in and potentially get hurt just like she had before, she didn’t understand why she was scared, she didn’t understand everything fully, and Sana doesn’t think she ever did it on purpose. Mina didn’t understand how a mother was supposed to act, she didn’t understand what unconditional love was before she met them, and for someone who’s never had that it can be overwhelming. 

They needed time. And Sana just thought that ten years were enough. There wasn’t any doubt that Mina loved Momo just as much as she loved Sana, there really wasn’t. Sana felt secure with her position as a parental figure, but maybe she should have been a bit more proactive. She didn’t mean to make Momo be the disciplinary figure in the household, but Momo just understood how to punish and discipline without making Mina think she was unloved. She was always proportional in her punishments and made sure Mina understood what she did wrong and that Momo still loved her. Sana was too afraid to ruin the most important connection she had in her life over something small like eating a cookie after being told no. She’s always felt bad about that. 

Mina was sixteen years old, she turned seventeen in a few months. And as much as Sana may not like the fact she’s growing up and felt really uncomfortable with the fact that in just a few years Sana’s position in her life is about to be significantly decreased, she understood it as a simple fact of life. But maybe Momo was the one that was a bit more at odds with it, that she didn’t like the thought of Mina starting to grow into her own person and that she’s going to attempt to hide things and deal with them on her own. This whole situation was a bit extreme, but Mina’s grown. If she wanted help, she would have asked. The question if she needed help was a different answer, but Sana had some time to think this over the past few days. Maybe in some fucked up way this was a good lesson for Mina. She wouldn’t know until the future. 

_ “She just- She’s so unreachable.” _ Momo sobbed,  _ “I can’t tell what she’s thinking, I can’t tell how she feels. I was so scared when Nayeon called me, I- What if she jumped? I knew she wasn’t taking her meds, I should have done something.” _

Sana was quiet, she needed a second to think.  _ “I think you’re a good mom.” _

_ “How can you say that after today? When we were in there, she just looked so defeated. She was just so heartbroken and angry.” _

_ “Momo, can I be honest with you? If I didn’t think you were good with Mina, I don’t think I would have even left you two alone back when we were dating.” _ Sana spoke honestly. That was the truth, if Momo had not demonstrated that she was someone to be trusted then she would have never even left Mina alone with her in the first place. The first storytime was what proved to her that Momo was someone to be trusted, how Mina let herself get comfy and relaxed and Momo was just so gentle with her even when she didn’t know Sana was watching. That same energy had never faded throughout the years. The little intimate moments she would catch between the two of them, like curled up on the couch talking, or Momo helping Mina style her hair, it was something special. _ “I think you’re a great mom, and I think Mina thinks so too.” _

_ “She doesn’t love me the way she loves you.” _

_ “That’s not true. We just have different roles.” _

_ “Why didn’t she tell me anything? Did she tell you anything?” _

_ “She only told me her and Tzuyu were having problems.”  _

_ “Why didn’t she tell me?! I don’t understand what else I have to do.” _

_ “Momo, she tells you a lot of things she doesn’t tell me and she tells you. I just think I was in the right place at the right time.” _

_ “You don’t get it!” _

Sana sighed, “She loves you.”

“I know,” Momo broke off into another round of sobs, reaching over to clutch on to Sana’s shirt,  _ “I’m just scared.” _

“Me too.”

They fell asleep soon after. Too tired, to continue to stay up and talk about it. 

Sana did wake up in a much more crowded bed than she fell asleep in though, blonde hair haloed out partially in her mouth and a furry body on both her legs and her foot. The sun was just started to rise, and Sana knew somewhere in the back of her mind she probably got less than five hours of sleep in total, but she didn’t really care. She didn’t know when Mina (with Ray) had found their way into her bed, but she didn’t mind. Quite frankly this was the one reason that they had even purchased a larger mattress when they first bought the house, depending on the day there was at the very least two animals who liked to sleep in bed with them every single night. Grumpy would curl up with Sana, and despite never owning a pet before the cat and the ownership technically being Momo’s, Grumpy was definitely her cat. Boo would sleep usually next to Momo, with the two humans in the middle snuggling. 

Looking back, Sana was never too sure why Mina liked to sleep in her bed as much as did. Really, Mina should have not wanted to even be near her while she was asleep because that meant she was vulnerable. But Mina just did, she liked to snuggle into Sana’s side, would grasp on to her shirt, and snore away. Sana always chalked it up to a trust thing. That Mina trusted her. 

Maybe this was Mina saying the same thing again. She hoped so.

…

“If you’re here to say I told you so, you can just leave.” Mina said as soon as she saw who entered her room. She had retreated there after breakfast, just wanting time to relax and maybe sleep a bit more. She was just so tired. 

Tzuyu paused mid step, putting her hands up in mock offense, “I’m not here to do that. My mom told me what happened, I thought I should come check on you. Well really it was me or the other three idiots, and I don’t think you would want them right now.”

That sounded like a nightmare. She just hummed in agreement, tightening her grip on Peng. 

“Are you baby monitored?” Tzuyu hummed, glancing around Mina’s room frowning at the state of mess it was in. 

Baby monitored. Mina hated when Tzuyu referred to it that way. While technically it  _ was  _ a baby monitor, she hasn’t had it in her room for years. Momo had put that in there when she was younger so if she had a nightmare they would be able to hear her and come to help, but Mina was older now and both of them felt it was unnecessary for her to have it. She understands why Tzuyu might think the little black box made a reappearance, she knew both of them were a bit nervous to let her sleep alone. Mina isn’t sure how she would feel if Momo asked her to put it in her room again.

“No. I’m not.”

“That’s good at least. We can just chat you and me then.”

“Tzuyu I really just want to be alone.”

Mina felt physically wounded. Like her heart had been ripped out and now there’s this aching gash on her chest that she just couldn’t heal. She just just wanted to lay under the covers, she wanted to try to sleep it off, she wanted to just give herself some time to wallow in self pity and anger for a little bit. 

_ “ _ Mina look at your poor fish tank. Look at your little babies, their water is turning green!”

“I’m pretty sure that’s just their moss and plants.”

_ “Mina we miss you.”  _ Tzuyu called out in a voice that she barely ever did, Mina had to take the blanket off from over her head looking as Tzuyu peered into the tank,  _ “Mina please clean my tank. I hate the color green!” _

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I think it’s more ridiculous you’re letting these poor fish suffer.”

Mina bit her lip, it has been a little bit since she cleaned their tank. They didn’t deserve to pay for her negligence, they were just little defenseless fish. They didn’t do anything wrong. Mina was the one that was supposed to care for them. 

At least  _ she  _ would do her job. 

With a sigh she kicked the blanket off of her, rolling her eyes at Tzuyu’s little happy dance. 

“I’ll start cleaning whatever is going on in here. I leave you alone for a few weeks and you turn into a hoarder.” Tzuyu teased, letting Mina just walk by her and start grabbing the things she needed to clean the tank. 

“Tzuyu, about that night-”

“Let’s not talk about that right now.” Tzuyu diverted, reaching down to start picking clothes off the floor, “I think we need to talk about it, but right now isn’t the right time.” 

“Then when is?’

Tzuyu just gave her a sad smile, before grabbing Mina’s dirty laundry basket, “Let’s just start with getting this room clean. I know a dirty room makes you anxious.”

God. Mina missed her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me on twitter; @Brtozaki or use the hashtag #TWICEGYTM


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